The One-Night Stand: Is It Ever A Good Idea? - Part 2
Can Women Really Keep Their Emotions in Check?
Anne is part of what I consider a rare breed of women. I'm talking about those ladies who can have sex and not feel at all emotionally attached afterwards. Lucky b**ches. If we were all like that, break-ups might not be quite so heart-wrenching. But the truth is, most of us have Cling issues, which is why one-night stands can be so difficult. According to Ian Kerner, Ph.D, sex therapist and relationship counselor, "In biological terms, the female orgasm releases a burst of oxytocin, also known as the cuddle hormone." Basically, sex makes girls want to lie in bed with the guy for hours in a passionate embrace planning your lives together, but one-night-stand guys aren't available to attach to. "If there's no deeper emotional content or meaningfulness, orgasm becomes a regretful reminder of the hollowness of the sex that preceded it. This is called 'post-orgasm regret,' and it typically manifests itself in the form of sadness or anger, sometimes to the extreme," warns Kerner.
The Stage Five Clinger
Sarah is a victim of the oxytocin effect. A Wellesley senior, she met Jason while out at a bar one Friday night. "I'd just broken up with my boyfriend, and I was feeling really crazy, like I needed to sow my wild oats or something," says Sarah. Jason was playing bass in the band, he had tattoos, and he had hair that could rival Justin Bieber's. "I just like, picked him out, and decided I was going home with him," she laughs.
So she approached him at the bar, talked music for a few hours, and then grabbed him and kissed him. Moments later they were in a cab headed for his apartment. "Jason was sweet and funny, and it wasn't awkward at all even though we weren't close to being drunk." They tumbled into bed and although Sarah says Jason wasn't the best she's ever had, it was exciting and new, and after over a year with one guy, it was refreshing. They did it twice: "The first time was crazy and uninhibited, but the second time was slower, sweeter, and I guess more emotional," Sarah reflects. In that, she met her demise.
After, while they lay exhausted staring up at the ceiling, Sarah started to imagine what a relationship with Jason would be like, thinking about how great they were for each other, and all the mushy-gushy girl stuff we all tend to do. Unfortunately, Jason was thinking about how hungry he was. "I wanted to cuddle, he wanted a sandwich." Sarah made the mistake of spending the night, convincing herself that they would cuddle and bond and realize what a perfect couple they were, but it didn't play out like that. Instead, Jason flipped on South Park and promptly fell asleep.
He was already gone in the morning when Sarah woke up. She (desperately, she admits) tried to contact him afterwards, but after a few polite responses she got the hint. "I still just felt unhappy though. I wanted the comfort of my relationship with someone new and exciting and as beautiful as Jason, and that's not what he was looking for. It was a lot like being rejected."
Do Men Ever Want A Relationship After A One-Nighter?
This question is a toughie because it involves a lot of generalization. Generally, both women and men will not jump right into bed with someone they have serious intentions of getting involved with.Generally. Of course, in college, when hormones are raging and intoxicating waves of newfound freedom are flowing over us, people are more inclined to give in to their urges. But the fact remains that for both sexes, if one person is seriously attempting to woo the other, they won't want to seem too pushy or too easy by sleeping together right off the bat, vouches AskMen.com. However, it does happen… occasionally. And just because the man wants a relationship doesn't mean a relationship is going to happen. Dan, a UMass Amherst senior recalls spending a night with a girl he was really attracted to. "I texted her during the following week, but she clearly wasn't feeling it. She was permanently busy, apparently." Ouch, tough break, Dan. But it just goes to show, not every woman who sleeps with a man is looking to get something out of it other than a good time, contrary to popular belief.
