Subtracting Self-Esteem: How Girls Feel About Their Number - Part 1
In my research, I asked 100 college women to tell me their sexual number. After they typed in their numerical response, my first question on the survey was, "What do you think about your number?" When designing this survey, I figured that this question would serve as a transition from numerical to written responses, easing the respondent into talking about her sexual experiences. It served as quite a surprise, then, that answers to this question were among the most detailed when the responses came in. The majority of girls in my survey expressed some kind of uneasiness about their numbers — indicating that a lot of us aren't totally pleased with our sexual pasts.
Obviously Upset
"My number (11) is pretty high, and I'm not okay with it at all," Erin*, an 18-year-old at the University of Michigan, said. "My friends seem like they're cool with it, but guys have called me a skank before and my mom would completely freak out if she knew. I wanted to save myself for marriage — what happened?"
I'm going to put Erin and survey respondents like her in an "obviously upset" group — girls that regret their previous sexual choices and find these feelings of disappointment creeping into their day-to-day lives.
"I've been with 3 guys, and I'm fine with the first two," said Mollie*, an 18-year-old at St. Norbert College. "But I regret the third guy because I was too drunk — and my friends are pretty set on me being a whore."
Clearly, it can be difficult for girls to come to terms with choices that they've made in the past. Ali Berlin, HC's Relationship Expert, has some advice for women who find themselves unable to get over past mistakes.
"If you're feeling remorse about your decision to sleep with people in the past, take the opportunity to get closer with yourself and reflect on what was fueling your past choices," she said. "Like anything else in your life, when you accept who you were, who you are, and who you want to be, that dissolves the charges around your past."
