Real Live College Guy Joey: To-The-Point Answers to 5 of Your Love Life Questions
Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problemas? Our Real Live College Guy will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
1. I met this guy at a party this weekend and we ended up hooking up. At the end of the party, he gave me his number, but I didn't give him mine. I've never been in this situation before. I'm usually asked my number, and I give it. Was I supposed to give him my number? Does he want me to text him? What would I even say? Do I do anything? We've never talked sober. I just don't know how to handle the situation.
-Overwhelmed at Oberlin
If he gave you his number, then you certainly didn't have to give him yours. If you're still interested in this guy, don't question the validity of your hook-up. Since alcohol was involved, a reminder of where and when you met wouldn't hurt. If you see him around campus make sure to stop and say "Hey." If that goes well, tell him you'll give him a call. The sticky Solo cups and stench of alcohol aside, parties are a great vehicle to meet people you might otherwise never have met. If you haven't ever read The Rules of Attraction, you might stand to learn something from Sean Bateman's slick moves. He gave you his number! Regardless of his sobriety level, that means something. Call him back and see what his plans for the weekend are, that will certainly set the ball rolling in the right direction.
2. Okay, so there's this guy I see around my dining hall ALL the time. For some reason we seem to have the same meal schedules and always end up seeing each other and making eye contact and smiling at each other. He's really cute and seems interested in me, but it always seems like one of us is always surrounded by a giant group of friends, and it would be awkward to approach each other. How can I get him interested in me/talk to him while his friends are around?
-Intrigued at Iowa
This is one predicament that I'm sure plenty of people have encountered. My immediate little nugget of advice would be to ignore the friends that constantly surround you two and go out of your way to introduce yourself. Alas, plenty of people (myself included) might not have the courage to do that. If the friends standing in your way happen to be mutual friends, take advantage of that and strike up a group conversation. Otherwise my only advice is to continue, "creeping." Watch for him to make a solo trip to the salad bar and excuse yourself to casually brush his hand while you both reach for the ranch dressing. My cousin recently made me watch Twilight, so pull an Ed Cullen and accost him while he's perusing the array of veggies. Don't be afraid to start up a conversation should the opportunity present itself. As far as piquing his interest, it never hurts to ditch the sweatpants and usual dining hall attire in favor of something more attractive. The dining hall isn't the sexiest of places so make sure you catch his eye in some other way.
3. Why do guys never tell girls how they feel and why don't they ever show emotion?
-Fed up at Fordham
To most guys, emotion equates weakness. To quote that elusive love philosopher, Shrek, guys are like onions. You have to peel back the layers to get to their issues. This is above all the most probable reason that so few men will be honest and direct in how they feel about various things. As embarrassing as it is, girls usually need to take the reigns on this one. Get a conversation started to get your feelings across and he'll most likely reciprocate. However, don't expect him to be the initiator. We're just not ballsy (no pun intended) enough for that. Once you've made it clear you'll respect him more for speaking his mind, he'll be more likely to open up. Don't be expecting anything quite as grand as Mark's Christmas Eve declaration to Juliet in Love Actually, though. That's the stuff that Hollywood's made of. And, if you don't know what I'm referring to you: shame on you and rent it.
4. I'm constantly put in the "friend" category with guys that I meet. How do I make them see me as a potential girlfriend instead of fellow football fan?
-Much too friendly at Middlebury
Constantly being placed in the "friend zone" is never fun, and most of the times it can be downright torturous. To help veer from the pattern, make sure any guys you're interested in see you as a girl first, and a tomboy later. To that effect I'd leave any sports jerseys tucked far away from the male gaze, wait until later for those babies. Keep the belches and the fart jokes at home and play up your feminine wiles. Even if belching and farting isn't your thing, try not to fall into the trap of being "one of the boys." To that end, try all those new-fangled things that Cosmo writes about, sometimes they actually do indeed work. Try a new perfume, or a tighter t-shirt; give your hair a toss. Remind any potential boyfriends that you offer something other than camaraderie. Think it won't work? Exhibit A: MISS CONGENIALITY. Once Victor worked his magic, Gracie was one foxy lady and Eric Matthews couldn't tear his eyes away. Though I'm all about freeing oneself from the rigidity of society's petticoats, it never hurts to remind potential suitors that you are indeed female. As hard as it is to be the "friend" to most guys, it's important to remember that a lot of great relationships begin out of close friendships. Don't believe me? What would a world be out with Justin and Britney? Okay, fine, they broke up… But I'm still holding out hope.
5. I've never been on a date before, and I go to a women's college. Back in high school, I always got some looks when I said I was going to a women's college. The first thing many did was questioned my sexuality and my reasons for going to such a school. Long story short, I'm straight, single and a little lonely. Will guys react negatively to the fact that I go to a women's college?
-A Little Lost in Pennsylvania
Unless you come from the absolute middle of nowhere, a place where it's still feasibly believable that man didn't actually begin as primates, you shouldn't have a problem. Sure it may seem strange to most people that you've never been on a date and you chose to go to an all women's college, but most guys wouldn't react negatively. Primarily, if you enjoy your school and you enjoy the people who go there: any guy you date should too. Not to mention any guy you date doesn't have to worry about competing with other coeds for your attention. I may have been the only one to see it (Sure, it's a chick flick, but Kristen Dunst is my kryptonite) but Mona Lisa Smile showed an all girls school chock full of men vying for their attention. That too may be the stuff of Hollywood, but I'm sure most guys would love the chance to date a smart and mature young woman. The drawback to your school is that it may necessitate that you venture past your college campus, check out mixers at local schools and find out bars and restaurants that other college students frequent. It'll improve the likelihood that you'll meet some awesome guy. Believe me, they're out there.
1. I met this guy at a party this weekend and we ended up hooking up. At the end of the party, he gave me his number, but I didn't give him mine. I've never been in this situation before. I'm usually asked my number, and I give it. Was I supposed to give him my number? Does he want me to text him? What would I even say? Do I do anything? We've never talked sober. I just don't know how to handle the situation.
-Overwhelmed at Oberlin
If he gave you his number, then you certainly didn't have to give him yours. If you're still interested in this guy, don't question the validity of your hook-up. Since alcohol was involved, a reminder of where and when you met wouldn't hurt. If you see him around campus make sure to stop and say "Hey." If that goes well, tell him you'll give him a call. The sticky Solo cups and stench of alcohol aside, parties are a great vehicle to meet people you might otherwise never have met. If you haven't ever read The Rules of Attraction, you might stand to learn something from Sean Bateman's slick moves. He gave you his number! Regardless of his sobriety level, that means something. Call him back and see what his plans for the weekend are, that will certainly set the ball rolling in the right direction.
2. Okay, so there's this guy I see around my dining hall ALL the time. For some reason we seem to have the same meal schedules and always end up seeing each other and making eye contact and smiling at each other. He's really cute and seems interested in me, but it always seems like one of us is always surrounded by a giant group of friends, and it would be awkward to approach each other. How can I get him interested in me/talk to him while his friends are around?
-Intrigued at Iowa
This is one predicament that I'm sure plenty of people have encountered. My immediate little nugget of advice would be to ignore the friends that constantly surround you two and go out of your way to introduce yourself. Alas, plenty of people (myself included) might not have the courage to do that. If the friends standing in your way happen to be mutual friends, take advantage of that and strike up a group conversation. Otherwise my only advice is to continue, "creeping." Watch for him to make a solo trip to the salad bar and excuse yourself to casually brush his hand while you both reach for the ranch dressing. My cousin recently made me watch Twilight, so pull an Ed Cullen and accost him while he's perusing the array of veggies. Don't be afraid to start up a conversation should the opportunity present itself. As far as piquing his interest, it never hurts to ditch the sweatpants and usual dining hall attire in favor of something more attractive. The dining hall isn't the sexiest of places so make sure you catch his eye in some other way.
3. Why do guys never tell girls how they feel and why don't they ever show emotion?
-Fed up at Fordham
To most guys, emotion equates weakness. To quote that elusive love philosopher, Shrek, guys are like onions. You have to peel back the layers to get to their issues. This is above all the most probable reason that so few men will be honest and direct in how they feel about various things. As embarrassing as it is, girls usually need to take the reigns on this one. Get a conversation started to get your feelings across and he'll most likely reciprocate. However, don't expect him to be the initiator. We're just not ballsy (no pun intended) enough for that. Once you've made it clear you'll respect him more for speaking his mind, he'll be more likely to open up. Don't be expecting anything quite as grand as Mark's Christmas Eve declaration to Juliet in Love Actually, though. That's the stuff that Hollywood's made of. And, if you don't know what I'm referring to you: shame on you and rent it.4. I'm constantly put in the "friend" category with guys that I meet. How do I make them see me as a potential girlfriend instead of fellow football fan?
-Much too friendly at Middlebury
Constantly being placed in the "friend zone" is never fun, and most of the times it can be downright torturous. To help veer from the pattern, make sure any guys you're interested in see you as a girl first, and a tomboy later. To that effect I'd leave any sports jerseys tucked far away from the male gaze, wait until later for those babies. Keep the belches and the fart jokes at home and play up your feminine wiles. Even if belching and farting isn't your thing, try not to fall into the trap of being "one of the boys." To that end, try all those new-fangled things that Cosmo writes about, sometimes they actually do indeed work. Try a new perfume, or a tighter t-shirt; give your hair a toss. Remind any potential boyfriends that you offer something other than camaraderie. Think it won't work? Exhibit A: MISS CONGENIALITY. Once Victor worked his magic, Gracie was one foxy lady and Eric Matthews couldn't tear his eyes away. Though I'm all about freeing oneself from the rigidity of society's petticoats, it never hurts to remind potential suitors that you are indeed female. As hard as it is to be the "friend" to most guys, it's important to remember that a lot of great relationships begin out of close friendships. Don't believe me? What would a world be out with Justin and Britney? Okay, fine, they broke up… But I'm still holding out hope.
5. I've never been on a date before, and I go to a women's college. Back in high school, I always got some looks when I said I was going to a women's college. The first thing many did was questioned my sexuality and my reasons for going to such a school. Long story short, I'm straight, single and a little lonely. Will guys react negatively to the fact that I go to a women's college?
-A Little Lost in Pennsylvania
Unless you come from the absolute middle of nowhere, a place where it's still feasibly believable that man didn't actually begin as primates, you shouldn't have a problem. Sure it may seem strange to most people that you've never been on a date and you chose to go to an all women's college, but most guys wouldn't react negatively. Primarily, if you enjoy your school and you enjoy the people who go there: any guy you date should too. Not to mention any guy you date doesn't have to worry about competing with other coeds for your attention. I may have been the only one to see it (Sure, it's a chick flick, but Kristen Dunst is my kryptonite) but Mona Lisa Smile showed an all girls school chock full of men vying for their attention. That too may be the stuff of Hollywood, but I'm sure most guys would love the chance to date a smart and mature young woman. The drawback to your school is that it may necessitate that you venture past your college campus, check out mixers at local schools and find out bars and restaurants that other college students frequent. It'll improve the likelihood that you'll meet some awesome guy. Believe me, they're out there.
