The Virgin Diaries - Part 2
Some women are waiting for the ultimate committed relationship — marriage.
"My family is very traditional and against premarital sex," said Jacky, a 19-year-old at the University of Michigan. "Both of my grandmothers are very open with me and give me advice about how to respect my body and my reputation, and as odd as this sounds, I really look up to them. They both lost their virginities on their wedding night, and I'm thinking about following in their footsteps."
Girls like Jacky* might be considered the "traditional" virgins from generations past, women with a firm belief of sexual intercourse belonging only in the marriage bed. But these women take offense to being considered "prude" or "naïve."
"[My boyfriend] has called me a 'puppy' before and acts like I'm so prude, which is frustrating. It's demeaning to always be thought of as the innocent one…I'm not innocent, I'm just disciplined," says Katherine*, a 21-year old at the University of Michigan who is featured in another "Numbers" article, "The Sex Files."
Lastly, some women that I interviewed are virgins by chance — they're not necessarily waiting for anything in particular, they just haven't gotten around to sex yet.
"I think 0 is a strange number to have as a college sophomore," Micaela*, a 19-year-old at Syracuse University, said. "At this point, I wouldn't mind not being a virgin anymore."
"Sex just isn't a pressing issue in my life right now, and for now, I'm OK with that," Sam*, a 19-year-old at the University of Michigan, said. "It's not like I couldn't have sex if I wanted to."
Relationships with Boys
For the most part, the virgins in my survey didn't care what guys thought about their lack of a sexual history.
"Most of the guys I've dealt with don't have a problem with my virginity at all," said Sally*, a 21-year-old at the University of Michigan. "I'm sure some guys would, but those aren't the kind of men I'd want to date or sleep with anyway."
Sally's sentiments seem to be shared by the majority of the virgins surveyed — that being a virgin was a personal decision that they've made, and guys that disapprove of it simply aren't people they'd like to hang out with.
"I would hope that a guy could respect that I'm a virgin, but if they can't deal with it, it's their problem — not mine," says Emily*, a 19-year-old at the University of Michigan.
However, not all relationships with the opposite sex are that cut-and-dry. Some of the girls expressed anxiety about how guys would perceive them or how their first time will go.
"I'm really concerned about how my virginity will affect my future relationships — it's something I worry about more than I'd like to," said Amy*, a recent Carnegie Mellon grad. "Is a guy not going to want to have sex with me because of it? Will I be bad in bed when the right time finally comes? I'd like to think that the person I'll lose it to will have no problem helping me practice, but still!"
Other women are nervous because their virginity has already been an issue in current or previous relationships.
"My current boyfriend's had sex before and it was really hard for me to deal with at first," Katherine said. "I realized that his past didn't have anything to do with me, but it's still challenging — I feel like the bad guy putting on the brakes all the time."
