The Third Wheel: How to Make the Most of Your Single Status
To all my single ladies out there, I feel 'ya. It can be tough without a boyfriend when all your friends are happily one half of two, and even worse is the dreaded "third wheel" status. But girls, embrace your freedom! We atHer Campus believe that being the tag-along friend actually has some benefits. And, as always, we are here to share some tips and tricks on how to make the most of being the third (or fifth, or seventh) wheel!
COMMON THIRD WHEEL SCENARIOS AND HOW TO SURVIVE THEM
Dinner Date
A dinner is unique since you are confined to your table. As such, our advice varies depending on whether you are the third wheel or you are part of a larger group. As the third wheel, you have to try extra hard to make your presence known, no matter how close you are to your friend – it is tough to intrude on a date (I know, I know…you were invited!). "Make sure you split up the couple," says Sarah, a student at the University of Illinois. "Sit on the same side of the table as your friend, with her boyfriend across from you. That way, the conversation will flow instead of the two of them talking together side-by-side." One of the worst parts about being the third wheel is when the conversation turns to memories of the two of them. "Remember when…" your friend gushes, and her boyfriend leans over for a kiss. Don't let this happen! Steer the conversation toward personal interests. For example, if you know your friend likes to dance, ask her about an upcoming performance. If her boyfriend is a Business major, ask how he likes his classes. Overall, if you can keep talking in terms of "us" instead of "we" then you're good to go!
Generally, when you are an extra wheel in a larger group, the couples naturally split up. Couples spend a lot of time together, so when they go out in groups, they want to mingle with new people! But, we have all met the couples who go out, only to spend every second buried in each other. You think, "Why did they even come?" At a large dinner, try to make yourself the host. Direct conversation and ask fun questions that everyone will have to answer based on personal preference, instead of as a team. For example, ask typical conversation starters, such as, "If you were to be stranded on a desert island, which three things would you bring?" This way, each person will answer, and people will begin to talk as a group about the answers. If you are uncomfortable being the "honorary" host, try to split the couples up, with a girls' side of the table and a boys' side – make it a game: couples can't sit across from each other! "Sometimes I would suggest that each person try to sit next to someone they don't know," says Katrina, a student at the University of Wisconsin – Milwaukee. "If everyone knows each other already, then just say that couples can't sit near each other!"
In any dinner situation, the most important trait to have is confidence. Remember that you were invited because the couple(s) want to spend time with you! So, make your presence known, and don't hide behind your phone! Keep talking, and you will enjoy yourself.
A Party
In my opinion, a party is the best time to be an extra wheel. You have people to arrive with, but you are not limited to them. Girls who go out in groups must keep track of each other, but you know that your friend is safe with her boyfriend – lucky! However, you were invited, so try to spend some time with the couple. Use them as a tool to meet new people since it can be awkward to introduce yourself solo! "Sometimes I suggest a game," says Chloe, a student at Northeastern University. "If it's girls vs. guys, then you get to be with your friend! If not, then have your friend's boyfriend find you a cute guy! Guys love being able to 'save' you." If you are a drinker, then beer pong is always a fun way to loosen up. If not, suggest some team truth or dare as a means to liven up a party.
If it is a large party, then grab a drink – even if it's just something to hold - and mingle. Spend the majority of your time trying to meet new people. You can use your wheel status as an introduction by saying "I came here with my friend and her boyfriend, and I need a break! What are you guys up to?" People will always respond to a person in need! Lastly, as many of you know, I'm sure, nights out in college tend to move from party to party. So, as a last resort, text another friend and meet up with her! You can bring the couple you arrived with, or just say goodbye – they do have each other, after all. Most likely, your friend wanted to spend time with you and make you feel included. She won't be offended if you want to meet up with other people, too. And, if they want to come with, then bring them – the more the merrier, right? As always, have confidence, girls.
A Weekend Getaway
Good for you! It takes a lot of guts to go on a trip as a wheel. But don't worry, you will have fun. There are some realities you will have to face, though. For example, the couples will share a room and a bed – there is no changing that. Also, you probably will spend some time alone, but that can be a good thing. Use your alone time to relax – it is vacation – with a good book or magazine. Or, do some shopping for souvenirs…or even just gifts for yourself! Take a nap, watch a movie on pay-per-view, or get a mani/pedi. Sometimes, alone time is the best time. Plus, if the couples get too anxious to spend time alone, you will end up seeing way more than you want to (sorry, but it's the truth!).
Vacation can be a time to try new things. Sign up for excursions that do not require groups of two. For example, schedule a spa day with the ladies, while the guys play golf. Or, if you're in a tropical setting, go scuba diving. If you're at a lake house, have a bonfire with s'mores. If it's a winter retreat, go snowboarding or skiing – for the inexperienced, even tubing is fun! Despite being a wheel, vacations are the perfect time to bond with your friends. Activities keep couples from being attached to each other, which is great for you. "I went to Mexico as a wheel and it was one of the best trips of my life," says Rachel, a student at the University of Missouri. "We were so busy that I didn't even realize I was the only single one."
If you are truly uncomfortable being alone, then try to meet someone. A vacation is an opportunity for a fling, and who knows where it will go in the future? Popular vacation destinations are often packed with groups of young people, so invite them to your hotel that night. Or, ask if they want to join you for the day's activity. Since you're the only single girl in your group, all the new guys' attention will be on you, especially if you're having a good time. Remember to enjoy yourself and the vacation…soon you'll forget that you're an extra wheel.
WHY IT IS BENEFICIAL TO BE AN EXTRA WHEEL
Sometimes it is tough to realize, but there are some benefits to being an extra wheel. Even though you're single (by choice or not), you don't have to spend time alone! Being a wheel will help you in the future. And as always, we are here to tell you how!
Relationship 101
Ladies, we can all benefit from relationship advice. Luckily, you have your dating friends! "Even though I'm single, I still want advice on how to make relationships work, since my past boyfriends obviously didn't make it to my future," says Gretchen, a student at Marquette University. "In some ways, it was helpful to hear play by plays of my friend's fights with her boyfriend because I also heard how they resolved the issues, too." If you're the third wheel, then you basically receive free relationship counseling before you are even in a relationship! Let's face it: in college, many couples face the same arguments involving jealously, time, distance, and commitment. "The girls who most enjoy being the third wheels are the ones who receive some benefit from the situation," says Penelope DeVries, relationship expert. "The benefits vary – anything from relationship advice to date set-ups. The key is that the single girl uses the couple for help, rather than resents them for happiness."
While it may seem somewhat unnecessary to learn about relationships before even being in a relationship, the advice can truly benefit you in the future. Imagine: your boyfriend calls because he is angry that he heard you flirted with a guy friend at a party the night before. Trouble? Nope, because you remember your friend dealing with the same situation – by the way, she fixed it by assuring her boyfriend that her guy friend is gay… a lie, maybe, but it worked nonetheless. "Throughout my many third wheel experiences, I have learned my fair share about relationships, especially because I'm always on the outside looking in, so I get to see everything from an unbiased perspective," says Jenah, a blogger for Datingish website. "All that I have learned about relationships has not been obtained while I was deeply emotionally involved with another person, so I can observe and judge in a purely logical manner... no emotions attached."
Meet New People
Okay, so even though we're in college where it's generally easy to meet new people, there are still instances when you – how do we say this – feel as though the pickings are slim…in regard to dating, of course. Fortunately, however, you have an opportunity in being the third, fifth, or even seventh wheel. That is, the chance to meet new people. "Girls often don't realize that their friends' significant others often know people that they themselves have never met before," says DeVries. "As such, being the third wheel is a real opportunity for making new friendships and potentially building new romantic relationships." My best advice: ask and you shall receive. "After being the fifth wheel too many times, I finally asked my friend's boyfriend if he knew any single guys," says Chloe. "He had an entire set of guy friends from high school, cousins, friends of friends, etc. Within weeks, I had an entire new group of guy friends…and my eye on a cutie!" Obviously, it can be slightly embarrassing to use your friend's boyfriend to meet new guys, but it's worth it, don't you think? But, remember girls, pardon my language: chicks before dicks. Make sure that your friend does not mind you asking her boyfriend, as it could cause a fight between them if he doesn't want to introduce you to people. He may be uncomfortable since he doesn't know you very well, doesn't have single friends, doesn't like you (sorry!), etc. Check first, ladies!
Empowerment
It is a great feeling to head out single and ready to mingle with a group of couples and feel confident in doing so. Even if it's not your first choice in company, the experience is a must-do for any single college girl! Not only will you feel better about yourself afterwards, but your friends will thank you for spending the time with them and their boyfriends, even if it doesn't seem that way. "I know my friend hated being the third wheel with me and my boyfriend, but she still showed up," says Rachel. "It meant a lot to me that she wanted to spend time with me even if it wasn't just the two of us." Third wheel status does not have to mean you receive any less attention. In fact, quite the opposite is true. Many times, your friend will overcompensate in order to make you feel welcome. Nice, huh? Plus, you will end the night feeling confident, strong, and social, and who doesn't want to feel like that? "I see many girls who complain about being single because they don't have a permanent date to social functions," says DeVries. "But later they feel so great about themselves because they are able to be single, while in reality, so many girls are not. It's a true accomplishment to be comfortable in your own skin, whatever your relationship status may be." You're single, but you aren't alone! Overall, ladies, choose to be the best third wheel, because if not, it could cost you time with your friend. Jeannie Greeley of Stuff magazine says, "If you keep complaining about being a third wheel, they will eventually choose to exclude you and your cycle of self-pity." Plant a smile on that pretty face and choose to relish in your third wheel status – after all, you are the only one with anything to gain.
Sources
Penelope DeVries, Chicago based social worker, specializing in relationships
College girls from across the country
http://www.datingish.com/694622761/im-always-the-third-wheel/
http://stuffboston.com/sex/archive/2010/11/01/dsff.aspx
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2755705/the_benefits_of_being_the_third_wheel.html
