Sexiling, Live-In BFs & More: How to Handle Love-Related Problems With Your Roomie - Part 1

You're going to fight with your roommate. Plain and simple. Not only are you living with a complete stranger – you are confined to a shoebox sized space and will be spending tons of time in those close quarters. Within the first couple weeks, you are bound to witness her annoying mannerisms, the habits she can't seem to break, and notice which of her lifestyle choices make your stomach turn.  

Usually, these small annoyances can be overlooked with time and her traits can be chalked up to her personality type. Most things are forgivable and easily forgotten, but not all problems can be overlooked. Gum smacking may be tolerable, but smacking a big fat one on your boyfriend certainly is not.

What happens when your relationship with your roommate starts complicating your relationships with the opposite sex? Drama. Lots of drama. Considering no collegiette™ wants to rehash Mean Girls every day for four years, Her Campus has mapped out some simple directions to navigate the rough
terrain of love in the college dorm.
 

Roadblock #1: You come home to your room a two a.m. and see the too familiar srcunchie on your doorknob – you've been "sexiled."  After a marathon study session at the library, you want nothing more than to crash in your comfy bed, but that would involve walking into a nauseatingly awkward situation. Being "sexiled" from your own room after a late night is never an ideal situation. What should you do when your roomie asks for this incredibly inconvenient favor?

Detour: Take a deep breath. Text your roommate and let her know that you would like to sleep in the room and will be back in a half hour. No response? Go crash at a friend's for the night. The next day, instead of lashing out, explain your feelings to your roommate in a calm manner over breakfast or while you are both getting ready. If that's too uncomfortable, write her a note letting her know that you would like to discuss the situation later.

Directions: Unfortunately, this is the classic dorm room gripe. "It's the logical extension of new-found freedom, limited space, and hormones," says Kathryn Williams, author of Roomies: Sharing Your Home with Friends, Strangers, and Total Freaks.

1. Talk during the week not weekend: This is a situation that should ideally be talked about beforehand. Setting some rules for how often, if at all, you can bring someone back to the room will avoid issues down the road. Before the weekend, designate which nights of the weekend either of you can bring back guests, so no one has to come home to a srunchie surprise.
2. Set rules for time and space: If you are not willing to sacrifice a whole night of your private space, then specify hours of the night that she can have a boy over. If you do not have plans for the night, plan ahead to spend this time studying in the library/common room or with a friend.
3. Defend your space: Remind her that these boys have their own rooms too, so if she needs more time than the amount you are willing to compromise, suggest she spend more time at their places. 

Roadblock #2: Your roommate's boyfriend practically lives with you. When you wake up in the morning, you roll over to see your roomie's half naked boyfriend, not to mention that half eaten bag of chips by his side, your chips. Where is your roommate? Nowhere in sight.

Whether you met your roomie online, in high school or on the first day of move-in, you were agreeing to live with her, not her significant other as well. So what if you end up seeing more of your roomie's beau than her?

Detour: Instead of lashing out on the slovenly boyfriend, remember that this is a problem between you and your roommate. Calmly tell the boyfriend that you feel uncomfortable when he is in the room without your roommate and that you would appreciate if it didn't happen very often. He should be understanding and take the hint and leave. If he doesn't, no worries, this problem can and should be worked out between the actual residents of the room.

Directions:

1. Set a schedule: Arranging times beforehand with your roommate can solve this problem. If you have a lot of studying or would like to get to bed early one night, inform your roommate of this and ask ahead of time that her boyfriend be out of the room at a reasonable hour.
2. Lay out limits: Tell your roommate that you don't mind if he spends the day or the night there, but not both. If you are in a dorm room with very limited space, this is probably not a good situation and they may need to find another common area to spend their time.
3. Place responsibility: If you are in an apartment, you could write the boyfriend's name on your chore board or ask him to take out the trash every so often. That way he is not totally freeloading on your space, and he may even decide to come over less frequently, considering her has to do chores.
4. Defend your space: If the boyfriend starts coming around even when your roommate is gone, you need to calmly and kindly ask your roommate and the boyfriend to remind him that this is your space too, and you did not sign up for a third roommate.