Step Away From the Ben & Jerry's: How to Move On From A Break-Up & When Break-Up Depression Gets More Serious - Part 1
When Disney starlet Demi Lovato checked into rehab in October, rumors swirled that it was because of a drug addiction or an eating disorder. However, what some tabloids failed to mention was the possibility that she went to the doctor to heal a broken heart. The 18-year-old was previously dating Joe Jonas, who broke up with her in May 2010. Not too long after the split he began dating Twilight star Ashley Greene, and right before Demi checked into rehab when she was touring with the Jonas Brothers, Joe brought his new beau on tour with him and Demi (how insensitive!). Some have speculated it was Ashley's tagging along that really pushed Demi over the edge. I'm sure other factors contributed to her downfall, but I'd also completely understand if it was this, post-break-up Joe Jonas action, that led her into an unbearable depression.
However, Demi is not the only one who has suffered severe depression after a break-up. There's also the recent case of David Arquette, whose split from Courtney Cox caused him to engage in self-destructive behavior, leading him into a rehab facility. And there are also 69 college women out of 100, who were surveyed by Her Campus ™, who said they, too, felt depressed after their relationships ended.
Almost all of us will suffer a painful break-up at some point in our lives. Read on so you'll be able to overcome it or help a friend do the same.
The break-up
He was your best friend, your knight in shining armor, the yin to your yang, which is why when he told you "he just didn't feel it anymore," or "he's going through a quarter-life crisis and doesn't want to drag you down too," you went into an absolute state of shock, forcing you to see the bottoms of way too many Ben & Jerry's.
"Break-ups can be devastating, especially if the one who was dumped believed that their partner was 'the one.' It is also especially hard if the relationship has gone on for a long time, if a lot of intimacy was involved, or if the partner who did the breaking up has a new love," said Dr. Carole Lieberman, psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets.
Unfortunately, there is no getting around the fact that break-ups are tough, but they are a part of life we all will, unfortunately, experience. After the initial blow, it's completely normal to feel sad and even depressed. According to the Her Campus ™ survey, sad, hurt, and depressed were the three most common feelings college women felt after the split.
Post-Break-up Depression
When asked the direct question: "At any point after your break-up did you find yourself feeling depressed?" 69 percent of college women surveyed said "yes."
"I felt depressed for at least a month, and it mainly got worse when I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself, and only got better when I actually got off the couch (or out of bed) and did things to keep myself busy and distracted," said Hayley* a senior at Emerson College.
While Hayley* said she never thought about seeking professional help, she found comfort with the help of friends and family to battle her post break-up depression.
"I was really depressed for the first 2 weeks. I stayed in bed. I didn't want to do anything. I guess I got to the point where I realized I had to get up. I had to get back to life. I wasn't happy yet, but you can't let a break-up ruin your life. I had to prove to myself that I could overcome it, I was stronger than a heartache," said Kelly*, a senior at the University of Texas.
"I usually got depressed mainly thinking about how much I missed having a boyfriend because I didn't really miss my ex. Seeing my friends in relationships would bring me down because I wasn't part of the 'club' anymore," said Mary*, a junior at the University of Illinois.
For Emily* a junior at Western Michigan University, her break-up from her boyfriend of three years, which was her idea, still caused her a couple months of darkness.
"I was depressed for about two months. I had to isolate myself from the outside world. I didn't want to go out and see anyone. I just felt too weak to do anything but sit in my room," she said.
Emily* was already in therapy for another issue when her break-up happened, leading her to seek relationship advice from her therapist to help her overcome her problems and find happiness once again.
"I was seeking help for an eating disorder, but my sessions soon became about my relationship and how toxic it was for me to stay in it… after I lost the relationship I started to recover from my eating disorder."
Rachelle*, a senior at Belmont University, felt depressed for almost a year after her boyfriend of four years ended the relationship.
"I felt depressed for probably about 7 months. It was a four-year relationship, so I had forgotten what it was like to be single and make decisions just for me. I felt like I needed to get to know myself again, so that's what I focused on doing," she said.
Moving on from the break-up
As Charlotte from Sex and the City said, it takes half the time you dated the person to get over them. In the Her Campus survey, 24 girls said it took them three months to move on, 19 said it took them six months, 21 said it took them about a year to heal their heartache— and another 21 collegiettes ™ said they are still pining over him. The remaining women said it took them between 2 weeks to a month.
Before moving on with your life, and from the relationship, it is okay (and healthy) to spend time in mourning, Dr. Lieberman said.
"Before moving on, a young woman should first indulge in at least a day or two of self-pity. She's earned it. This can include crying, sitting in front of Lifetime movies with a gallon of Rocky Road ice cream, and cuddling under the covers with a stuffed animal leftover from childhood. Then she needs to get up, take a shower and go get some pampering: manicure, pedicure, and shopping and eating with friends who console her," she said.
