Sexiling, Live-In BFs & More: How to Handle Love-Related Problems With Your Roomie - Part 2
Roadblock #3: Your roommate does not like your boyfriend. Whenever he is around she pretends that he doesn't exist and shoots hate stares in your direction.
Both your boyfriend and roommate are extremely important relationships. The guy you care about and the girl you're living with are bound to cross paths more than once, so how do you deal with it when your roommate is disapproving of your choice in boyfriends?
Detour: Never pick a fight when your boyfriend is over, because that would result in an unfair 2 v 1 advantage. If your roommate feels ganged up on, she will never approve of your boyfriend. Plan to discuss this problem with your roommate and only your roommate.
Directions:
- Talk to your roommate: "Firstly, you need to look at your relationship with your roommate. If you are good friends and agree on a lot of things, you need to talk to her and find out why she does not like him," says Irene Levine, PhD and creator of The Friendship Blog, because there may be some things your love-goggles have caused you to overlook.
- Exploit common interests: Find something they have in common and run with it! Order in food they both love or rent a movie they both can't get enough of and spend some time with both of them, encouraging the friendship.
- Respect common space & time: Make sure you are being respectful of her space too, because she may not actually have a problem with your boy, just the amount of time he spends in your shared space. Try not to hog the TV to cuddle up and watch The Notebook while she watches reruns of Glee on her computer.
- Go to his place: You may need to start spending more time out with your boyfriend or at his place because while your relationship with him is important, you have made a commitment to living with your roommate and you don't want to jeopardize that relationship either!
Roadblock #4: Your roommate flirts with all the guys you bring over. You bring home the guy you have been seeing for some popcorn and a movie and everything seems to be going according to plan when all of a sudden your roomie comes in wearing a skimpy night gown, plops on the couch and begins to give your guy a back rub. Your first instinct may be to shove her off the couch and call her a bad name, but what is the right way to handle this situation?
Detour: Bring the guy into a space away from your roommate, whether that means your bedroom or out to the dining hall. Your night may not go as planned, but at least you won't be clenching your fists and sweating in anger.
Directions:
- Remember the Specifics: It is very important when this happens to notice specific things she does so that you can bring up exact examples when you confront her.
- Warn the Guy: If she doesn't take the criticism well or is in denial then warn the guy before you bring him back to your place and ask him to tell her that it makes him feel uncomfortable. She may not listen to you, but getting shut down by the guy himself is a very good way to get your point across.
- Dump the Guy: If the guy is unwilling to do this and makes excuses about "not wanting to get involved," then he is probably secretly hoping to score a little action from your roommate too and is definitely not the guy for you.
Living with a roommate is often one of the biggest adjustments of college, and also a very important one. Learning to compromise and communicate will get you past most of these love-related problems. Keep in mind that preventing a problem is much easier than solving one, so if you haven't come across any of these problems with your roommate yet, you might want to consider talking about them now so you don't wind up studying in the hallway while your roommate gets some hands-on learning of her own in your room.
Sources
Kathryn Williams
Irene Levine, PhD
