Her Gay Best Friend: Lost in Translation - Women Campus

When I came home last night you were in a terrible state. You were curled up on the couch while the E! network played soundlessly on the television. Your brow was furrowed, your eyes watery. Your hands trembled as you stared blankly at your phone, muttering incoherent sentences with a growing sense of urgency.

It actually reminded me a lot of my reaction when Buffy died in the season five finale.

"What's wrong?" I asked, sympathy and concern dripping from each syllable.

You continued to stare at your phone and quietly answered. "I think he's mad at me."

"Who's mad at you?" I inquired, taking a seat beside you on the sofa. I stroked your hair as you struggled to get the words out.

"My boyfriend!" you finally wailed, clutching your phone in anguish. "Look at the text he sent me!"

I held my breath and prepared myself for what I was about to read. Had he been callous enough to send you an ominous "I think we need to talk" message? Worse yet, he might have simply disregarded all social convention and any shred of human compassion he once had by performing a text message breakup.

I took the phone from your hand and fearfully looked down at the screen.

RECEIVED 04/10/2010 at 11:13 PM

Goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow.

******END******

I sat quiet for a moment, certain that I had missed something. But as I looked through your phone at the previous texts, I realized that this had been the end to what seemed to be a very average conversation. You buried your face in the sofa.

"He hates me!" you sobbed into the upholstery.

Normally, I'd attribute this kind of thing to a stressful week and a monthly visit from your least favorite aunt, but sadly this is only one incident in a string of text message misinterpretations.

You've been critically analyzing every text you receive, dissecting each missed comma and misspelled word for meaning. You'll read deeply into a single phrase so that a simple, "What's up?" becomes an attack on your values and an implicit critique of your weight and taste in clothing.

Frankly, this has got to stop. You're driving yourself crazy trying to find a motive for every word choice and punctuation mark. It won't be long before you're sitting next to a coffin with Michael Douglas repeating, "I'll never tell" in an eerie sing-song voice.

You need to realize that texting can be a relatively simple affair. Just keep the following things in mind when you hear that little "ding" from the inside of your purse.

Most guys don't really think about punctuation. Period.

There's a girl that I once knew, let's call her Jennifer, who couldn't quite grasp this particular concept. She'd check in on her boyfriend, we'll call him Kevin, with bubbly messages throughout the day, trying to convey all of her affection in less than 100 characters.

SENT 11/05/2009 at 10:53 AM

Good morning honey!!! <3

******END******

Each text was a miniature electronic valentine, littered with hearts and exclamation points. But often, the response she received was not quite as enthusiastic.

RECEIVED 11/05/2009 at 10:55 AM

Hey. What's up?

******END******

Every time she got this kind of response, she'd get uneasy. He didn't use an exclamation point. He used period, she'd think. What if he's not excited to talk to me? What if he's mad at me???

Eventually, Kevin realized that his punctuation choices were causing a stir. To avoid an argument, he began using exclamation points in every text. It started off innocently enough...

RECEIVED 11/24/2009 at 12:01 AM

Goodnight baby! Good luck on your test tomorrow!!!

******END******

But eventually it got ridiculous...

RECEIVED 12/04/2009 at 3:53 PM

Sorry, I can't hang out later!!! I really need to finish my term paper!!!!! Is that okay?!!!!

******END******

Most men don't look at each period and comma for some deep meaning. And when they encounter a girl who does, it's about as tragic as watching Kanye West try to sing without the help of Auto-Tune.

You shouldn't worry too much about the punctuation in texts from your man. You already have enough periods causing you trouble.

Timing isn't everything

On your way to lecture, you come face to face with the most disastrous thing you've seen all month. A passing bicyclist gets his wheel caught in a girl's leggings, and tears half of them off. Because she had chosen to wear them as pants, she gives half of the students on the quad an impromptu peep show. You're horrified. You feel absolutely terrible for the poor girl.

Naturally you feel the need to tell someone about it.

SENT 03/28/2010 at 1:35 PM

omg. The funniest thing just happened. Four words: wardrobe malfunction, leopard thong.

******END******

You send the text off to your boyfriend and slide your phone back in your pocket before casually sidestepping the carnage and making your way to class. When you arrive, you open up your phone, eager to see your boyfriend's response.

No message.

You're a little disappointed. Didn't he want to hear your story? Doesn't he care about what you have to say?

You try to shrug it off and take out your notebook as class begins to start. But as the professor drones on and on slower than an American Idol results show, your mind keeps drifting to your phone. Twenty minutes into class, you check again.

No message. Now you're getting angry. He's ignoring your text! How dare he?! It's not like his friends' texts about boobs and videogames are any better than what you have to say.

You finally get a response a few hours later, and by this point you're pissed. You wait an hour and a half to read it to give him a little taste of his own medicine. After you've calmed down a little bit, you go to your message inbox and take a look at what he had to say.

RECEIVED 03/28/2010 at 5:02 PM

Sorry, I left my phone in the library. What happened?

******END******

You see, little Miss Interpretation, there are often legitimate reasons that a person doesn't answer a text right away. He could have lost his phone or have been kidnapped by some Twilight fanatics who mistook him for Robert Pattinson. Yes, it's possible that it's deliberate snub, but you really won't know until you talk to him.

It's never a good idea to jump to any conclusions until you have all the facts. That's how so many people end up converting to Scientology.

While communicating a message has gotten much easier in the technology age, communicating the right message seems to have gotten a lot more difficult. It's a challenge to make sure that you're conveying the right tone and inflection with everything you write, and it's often the case that a sending a simple text ends up more like a game of telephone.

And as I learned from Lady Gaga and Beyonce, telephone is not always a fun game to play. Especially when some selfish motherf***er takes all your honey.

So how can we get around this problem? How can we make sure that we interpret texts the right way?

Just go the safe route. Take each text at face value, and don't read into a text past what is written on the screen. That's really your only option until phone-makers come up with a way for you to text someone and let them hear your intended tone of voice.

Oh wait. I think that's called a phone call...

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Jess and Katie say what? Eight things to never say again - Women Campus

Most of us have a hard time thinking of the exact right thing to say. Somehow, though, we all have a pretty easy time thinking of the exact wrong thing to say, especially in romantic situations. Sure, there are some things that sound completely ridiculous by the blinding light of day but kind of sweet when whispered in your ear right before you fall asleep like, "I've never felt this way before."

Then there is the word vomit —which is never acceptable. Like socks with sandals and underwear bombers, these phrases are ugly and hazardous to those around you. They need to be removed from your lexicon immediately, and we are here to provide substitute sayings so you aren't left with the sounds of silence. To illustrate, we are using candy because it is delicious and, as it turns out, jam-packed with symbolism.

"Whopper" is 1950s speak for "hugely important thing" or "total and complete lie." You might need to talk about those kinds of things.

I think we need to talk.

Think, HC readers: Have you ever had a good conversation that started this way? This is exactly what Jess's parents said right before breaking the news that her dog died. Also, saying "I think we need to talk" before launching into a conversation is like prefacing a question with "I have a question," which is a habit employed by only the most annoying kids in your lecture. Make like Strunk and White and OMIT NEEDLESS WORDS.

Acceptable alternatives: What you need is a segue (or better yet, a segway). Whenever we don't know what to say, we just do something physical instead. If there's loud music, turn it down; if you're standing, grab a seat. Do what you can to change the mood of the room and the conversation should shift accordingly. Maybe worth obsessing over.

I'm obsessed with you!

People who have obsessions: stalkers, obsessive-compulsives, psycho-killers, kleptomaniacs, nymphomaniacs, really any kind of maniac, members of the KKK, neo-Nazis, Justin Bieber fans. (WHY ARE YOU STILL A TRENDING TOPIC? Get your hair out of your face and go through puberty.) People who don't have obsessions: hopefully you, your boyfriend.

Acceptable alternatives: Sex. You know, if you're obsessed with each other, we think that's the best way to handle it … in private. Or you could maybe draw portraits of each other. But that will probably lead to sex anyway.
Self-explanatory.

What are we?

Um, people … two people …

Acceptable alternatives: Would you be my girlfriend? Are you gonna be my girl? I wanna hold your hand. Rocky roads make for excellent candy bars and also great ice cream flavors but sadly are bad for relationships.

Are you mad at me?

If you're asking, you already know. And if you make the mistake of asking once, for the love of God, do not ask again and again and again. Unless your goal is to make someone mad at you.

Acceptable alternatives: I'm sorry (only if you really are). Is there anything I can do? Wanna take this outside? Space: We want to go to there.

I just really need some space right now.

The problem with this isn't needing space. We love space! Milky Ways, beating the Russians in the Space Race, Tom Hanks, Space Jam. It's just that this sounds like a euphemism for "I don't have the chuztpah to break up with you right now." We disapprove of anything lacking in chuztpah.

Acceptable alternatives: If you just want a break but not a break-up, let him know when you'll want to hang out again ("Let's get together next week."). If you are actually breaking up with him, maybe you should try, "I think we should break up" or "I just really need to see other people right now … and for the foreseeable future." All for one…

I really want to try and be friends.

Things that prevent friendship: sexual tension, lack of common interests, awkwardness, his obnoxiously flirtatious wall-to-walls with that girl from econ who you both agreed was slutty, the clap.

Acceptable alternatives: Have you maybe considered not being friends for now? Perhaps someday in the future you two can bask in purely platonic togetherness, but the immediate aftermath of your break-up is not the best time to embark on that project. Think about it: America broke up with Great Britain, and sure, we're friends now, but in the 1780s we took a little breather. Example of a thing that is so much better and more valuable than other things.

You deserve so much better than me.

Because then he'll just think, "If I deserve better than you, why are we dating? And who exactly is being judged here – you, for being undeserving, or me, for not knowing any better? And why are you judging me? I deserve so much better than you."

Acceptable alternatives: Make it about you, not him. For instance: I was an idiot, I screwed up, I am a jackass, you are attractive.
With a name like "Mary Jane," this looks like it should be weed, but instead it's just this weird chunk of stuff that's very difficult to chew.

It's not what it looks like.

What do you think it looks like? "I know you think it appears that I'm glued at the lip to a girl who isn't you with one hand halfway up her skirt, the other attempting to unhook her bra, but I was just giving her tonsils a thorough examination with my drunken tongue … at a club … on spring break … in Acapulco"

Acceptable alternatives: The truth. Is the only acceptable alternative.
There's a reason no one has ever heard of this candy bar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! Isn't this annoying!?! Like so annoying! We sound so dumb! In your head, don't we have the most irritating voices ever!? We know, right!?!

Acceptable alternatives: .,?;"#$%^&*(), anything but :)

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Date Night: Picking the Best First Date Spot - Women Campus

There's nothing like the excitement of a first date with someone new. All week you feel giddy, nervous and your stomach is in a knot. You prep for hours before the date, consulting with your friends about what to wear and making sure your hair is perfectly flat-ironed. 7 p.m. comes around and as your date picks you up, you finally feel ready. But your date's success or failure could be resting on the location you two choose. We've got you covered with the pros and cons of possible spots – the rest of the date is up to you!

First Date Spot: Movies

You can't go wrong with a visit to the local multiplex and a box of Sour Patch Kids. It may be hard to compromise on the movie but UNC-Chapel Hill senior Gloria Holbrook says if it is meant to be, you'll peacefully decide between "Cop Out" and "Remember Me". Make sure you fit time in before and after your date to talk because you'll certainly get shushed if your date should whisper sweet nothings in your ear during the film.

Pros: What guy doesn't like watching movies? He gets to sit close to you and have the chance to slyly reach for your hand. A movie is a shared experience and after the credits roll, you'll have tons to talk about. Impress him with your movie critic skills or try to one-up his jokes at the movie's expense. His wallet will be happy after the movie because compared to the price of dinner, two movie tickets are a bargain.

Cons: Go the movies on a Saturday night and you're likely to run into other couples from campus. You may have to awkwardly explain that yes, you're on a date. If you adore horror and he's no fan of the genre, you may feel like you are settling on your movie choice. You'll be distracted for half of the movie as you wait to see if he'll hold your hand. Apart from the odd snicker or whisper, you won't really be able to get to know your date. Watch out for potentially awkward sex scenes in the movie you picked — be glad the theater's dark because at least he can't see you blush.

First Date Spot: Restaurant

Whether you go for Thai, Italian or French, you're going to have a great first date eating dinner as long as it's not at the dining hall. UNC-Chapel Hill sophomore Matthew McGibney says that you can tell a lot by the way your date eats. He says you'll know from the start if your date has manners or if he's got an adventurous appetite. Just remember to consider price range when you suggest restaurants. Patrick Williams, a sophomore at UMass Amherst, says dinner dates are great as long as his date does not have expensive taste.

Pros: Sitting in class together is one thing but getting off campus and eating out will allow you to relax away from the gaze of your peers. Going out for dinner means at least an hour of solid conversation so be prepared to talk a lot and ask questions. Splitting two dishes can be a fun experience as long as you don't share spaghetti a la "Lady and the Tramp". Plus you can watch for his kindness as he interacts with your waiter.

Cons: If he's a red-blooded carnivore and you're a vegetarian, you may have some issues agreeing on a restaurant. Between ordering and eating, you have a lot of time to fill with talking. When your entrees do arrive, make sure not to talk with food in your mouth. Just cross your fingers that your dinner doesn't have garlic or onions that could impede any after-dinner plans. At the end of the meal, run to the bathroom to check your pearly whites for lettuce and pop in a breath mint.

First Date Spot: Sporting Event

Grab some popcorn, find your seats and cheer on your collegiate sports team. Kara Todd, a junior at UNC-Chapel Hill, says that a basketball or football game would be great for a first date because all the pressure is on the team. She says that you can talk if you want to or concentrate on the action if there are any awkward pauses.

Pros: Choosing an outfit will be super easy because you've probably got tons of school-spirited yet cute T-shirts to pair with jeans. Remember this is your chance to show your date that you are fun and not too "prissy". If the date doesn't go as well as expected, chances are that one of your friends is in the crowd and is only a text away. But if your boy's a super fan and there's a double overtime win, chances are good that he'll want to continue celebrating.

Cons: Picking out a too-sexy outfit might look too silly at a chilly sporting event like hockey or football. And forget about those heels because if you have seats in the rowdy student section, you may end up standing up during the whole date. If you don't know much about the sport you are watching, you may come off as bored. Plus if your team loses, your boy could be seriously bummed which might ruin any chances of the date ending well.

First Date Spot: Concert

As long as you don't drag him to the Jonas Brothers or Celine Dion, there's no reason your date wouldn't enjoy a concert. Live music, a darkened auditorium and the chance to see your favorite artists are great perks of a concert first date. Also there's no pressure to talk during the concert. But in between sets, you can chat about everything from vacations to television shows. You know it will be a good date if you two can sing every song — compatible music tastes are hard to find.

Pros: This is a perfect place to bond if you share the same taste in music. Assuming you both like bluegrass, rap or pop music, this is another place to have a shared experience. You've got the opportunity to get close and dance if you are enjoying the concert. Better yet, book lawn seats at an outdoor concert and you'll be able to snuggle up on a blanket together. Encores will extend your date into the night and you can suggest going to another concert as a second date.

Cons: A concert isn't the best place for a first date if he's a little bit country and you're a little bit rock 'n roll. Once you're there don't make a move for the mosh pit — it will be too chaotic and you'll get pushed and shoved. Unlike a meal, this isn't the arena for a lot of chitchat: you'll likely get seats next to a booming speaker. And don't press for a souvenir because buying you a concert shirt could mean your date could be broke for your next date.

First Date Spot: Coffee Shop

There's nothing like a chill coffeehouse to get you in the mood. UNC-Chapel Hill senior Jennifer Durham says a coffee shop is perfect for a first date because it's not as serious and stuffy as the typical dinner and a movie. Sip your caramel macchiato and get to know your date with the hum of the espresso maker as ambience.

Pros: If he pays for your souped-up Starbucks drink, you won't feel bad because four bucks is way less than a full-fledged dinner. The caffeine will help you stay alert during a particularly interesting date; the caffeine will help you stay awake during a boring date. Luckily a coffee date is casual enough that you can steer your date into to the "just friends" zone if you want. Coffee doesn't take as long as dinner so pick something else on the list if it's going well.

Cons: Finding a seat in a coffeehouse during finals week will be impossible — loud study groups could also be distracting. You should know that sitting and sipping isn't much of an activity for a first date, so the date could end up being very short. It can also be hard to tell if you and your date are just friends or more since coffee is so casual. Coffee breath can be the kiss of death at the end of a date: Be prepared with breath mints or gum.

Sources

Patrick Williams, sophomore, UMass Amherst
Matt McGibney, sophomore, UNC-Chapel Hill
Gloria Holbrook, senior, UNC-Chapel Hill
Jennifer Durham, senior, UNC-Chapel Hill

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Her Gay Best Friend: Unrealistic Ex-pectations - The Wrong Way to Get Over an Ex - Women Campus

I realize that change can be difficult to accept. Even in our relatively short lives, we've already dealt with so much: the sudden increase in body hair during adolescence, the rise and fall of the boy band craze, the end of the Harry Potter series.

But throughout it all, we've maintained a positive outlook. Sure the world is constantly changing, but it's up to us to find the good in that change and adapt to fit the ebb and flow of our lives. We manage our unwanted body hair with shaving creams and depilatory products. We mourn the end of N*Sync, but celebrate Justin Timberlake's respectable solo career and sexier hairstyle. We eagerly await the next Potter film and entertain ourselves with internet fan-fiction in the meantime.

Yes, you know as well as the rest of us that change is a necessary part of life. But recently you've shown a certain unwillingness to adapt.

No one expected you to cope well with your breakup. There were the initial tears and trauma. I seem to recall a tray of Oreos that mysteriously went missing. Then there was the impromptu marathon of The Office reruns that night, which resulted in a near-breakdown when Jim told Pam he loved her. And I stuck by your side through it all, hoping that you'd soon be back to your old self.

And before long, you were back to your old self. A little too much like your old self.

When I went to get dinner a few nights ago, imagine my surprise when I found you and your ex sharing a table and a smoothie. And when I passed by your room yesterday morning, I found your ex leaving with the same guilty grin of a preteen boy who'd just discovered Cinemax After Dark.

You seem to be in denial about the recent troubles of your relationship, namely that you aren't in one anymore. You continue to see your ex on a regular basis, and God (and your next-door neighbor) only knows what kind of things you two are doing behind closed doors. Frankly, this is not the best way to deal. Here's why.

A Brief History of Your History

For a long time your ex was large part of your life, so it's understandable that you'd find it hard to immediately transition to a life without him. I mean, if some terrible circumstance removed me from your life, I'm sure you'd spend hours combing through pop culture blogs to get that same fix of razor-sharp wit and occasional social commentary.

But unlike smoking and internet porn, an ex is best given up cold turkey. As much as the withdrawal pains eat at your heart and soul, it's far more damaging in the long run to keep your ex in your life.

If you continue to hang out with your ex right after a breakup, it becomes too easy to convince yourself that nothing has changed. You'll watch a movie and cuddle up on the couch, or go out to dinner on a Friday night, and you'll feel just like you did when you two were dating.

But things have changed; you're not dating. He has no obligation to call you, to hang out, and most importantly to not look at other girls. If you fall back into that comfortable dating frame of mind, it will be all the more painful when he starts seeing someone else. It will be Breakup Part 2, and like most sequels it will have the same basic plot but somehow suck a whole lot more.

The other danger that you might face is a problem I like to call "premature get-back-ulation," which, unlike its rhyming counterpart, has ramifications that reach far beyond the world of the bedroom.

Spending so much time together, you two might begin to wonder why you ever broke up in the first place and decide that reconciliation is the best route to take. But the fact of the matter is that you broke up for a reason, be it frequent fighting, different life goals, or simply that he resented your freedom to wear eyeliner and hosiery without fear of social stigma. And the 36 hours you spent apart after your breakup didn't fix any of those problems.

When you get back together so soon after a breakup, it's really only a matter of time before your relationship falls victim to the same problems that killed it in the first place. If you have any hope of salvaging your lost relationship, it's going to take time apart before you two can figure out how to fix whatever went wrong.

A Note on Post-Breakup Relations

Post-breakup relations or, as the young folks call it, "sex with an ex" has garnered much debate over the years. Is it okay? Is there too much history there for casual sex to work out? Is it wrong to treat a man like a piece of meat who's good for one thing and one thing only?

Well, to answer your questions, sometimes, maybe, and not at all.

Even if your relationship didn't quite make it, that doesn't mean that there were any problems in the bedroom. And if your ex had all the right moves to make you say "Uhhhh! Na na na na!" it would be a shame to put an end to such an enjoyable part of your week.

But there are very important criteria to consider when deciding if sex with an ex is right for you.

To begin with, you can't launch right into it within a week or two of your breakup. Right after a breakup, emotions are still too fresh, wounds too raw. And it's hard for many to separate these emotions from all the sweet, sweet lovin'.

Also important to consider is how your breakup went down. If you two parted ways amicably, having agreed that things simply weren't working out, then there's really no harm in some horizontal fun. But if one person very clearly dumped the somewhat unsuspecting other, then you two might have very different perceptions of what the sex means. One of you might get too attached, and casual fun may too quickly transform into a rerun of MTV's Undressed.

Ultimately, it's all a matter of time. Before you can appreciate having your ex in your life as a friend or a bedroom aid, you need to spend a little while apart so you can stop thinking of him as a boyfriend.

Besides, after a long relationship you need some time to appreciate life as a single girl. Flirt with some dudes. Go weeks without shaving your legs. Take your motorcycle for a ride down the open road, no man to answer to, and your only companions the nighttime air and the starlit sky…

Or whatever it is that single girls do nowadays.

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Straight from the Horse's Mouth: Real Guys Weigh in on the Guy Advice You're Getting - Women Campus

At the risk of sounding like a second-grader, men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But this elementary school adage can still feel like it holds true ten years later on a college campus.

So when we finally understand (or, at least think we understand) how the male brain operates or the reasons behind a guy's actions, we turn to our best girlfriends to share the knowledge. Before you know it, we're flooded with nuggets of guy advice from a plethora of sources—magazines, movies, friends, moms, sisters, even some guy friends—to the point that some of it starts to conflict. Helping you weed the good from the bad, Her Campus had five real guys weigh in on the guy advice you've been receiving. With their input, we'll know what advice to follow…and which to ditch.

Appearance ABC's

• THE ADVICE: Wear your hair long and straight to have more guys hit on you.
• WHAT HE SAYS: "Not necessarily the straight hair, but shoulder-length or longer is good in my book," says Steve Cavolo, a graduate student at Kent State University in Ohio. As to why, he couldn't quite put his finger on it. (But Gerard Butler's character in his 2009 film, The Ugly Truth, suggests it's because "men need something to grab onto other than your arse.") Basil Pinzone, a junior at Penn State University, likes the lengthier hair, too. But don't hide your bob cut or curls under a brown paper bag just yet—Basil has friends who would prefer short hair to long.

THE ADVICE: Apply your makeup light and sparingly, for a natural look—guys don't like to see girls' makeup.

WHAT HE SAYS: Too true. "I like it when my girlfriend looks good, but you can't really tell she has lots of makeup on," says Nick Orichella, a junior at University of Michigan. He says he likes being able to compliment her on how she looks, but heavy eyeliner and heavy makeup are no-nos.

Double Whammies: Conflicting Advice

• THE ADVICE: Play hard to get. VERSUS: if you like a guy, be straightforward—call him.
• WHAT HE SAYS: "Don't make it harder for me than it already is by acting disinterested," says Dan Bencic, a junior studying accounting at Ohio State University. Working up the confidence to ask you out takes a lot of effort and confidence. If the girl remains aloof and 'hard to get,' "I'll doubt how well it's going," he says.
• "Just coming out and saying, 'I like you'—sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't," Basil says. His tip: If you're interested, "be flirty and give some signals so he knows you're interested," like sitting on his lap or laughing at his jokes.

• THE ADVICE: Offer to pay the bill after an evening out. VERSUS: have him pay for the date.
• WHAT HE SAYS: "Call me old-fashioned, but the guy should pay," Dan says. And Steve agrees, though he adds that it's always a nice gesture for the girl to offer. When you've been dating for a while, it's more socially acceptable for a girl to contribute to the check.

• THE ADVICE: Let him be the first one to bring up going exclusive. VERSUS: if you like the guy, go for it.
• WHAT HE SAYS: The guy should make the first move to only seeing each other, Steve says. But ultimately, it depends on the type of guy. "I think some guys are naturally shy and wouldn't want to bring up an uncomfortable subject with someone they're just getting to know, so they may need a nudge," he explains. But for a girl in a dating situation that consists of only ritual weekend hook-ups, he suggests that the girl bring it up—the guy's probably pretty satisfied by having the best of both worlds: casual sex with no strings.
• At the same time, University of Notre Dame junior Patrick McDonnell supports ladies who are a little more forward: "If you've been casually dating for a little while and you really like him, it's not bad to bring it up."

Tech-Savvy

• THE ADVICE: Don't populate his Facebook wall with cutesy messages.
• WHAT HE SAYS: False… at least, partly. Wall posts are welcomed, Patrick says. "But don't bombard it. [Covering] his entire Facebook wall is a mistake," he cautions. The high frequency makes a girl appear needy. But even as often as once a day is okay—if you're dating. Just remember that your messages will mean more if you don't post them so often.

• THE ADVICE: Don't update your relationship status on Facebook immediately after he asks you out.
• WHAT HE SAYS: "Personally, I think it's important to signify somehow that you're together," Nick says, so he considers switching from "single" to "in a relationship" on the social networking site perfectly acceptable. "After the first two dates, if they went well, you should be okay with updating a relationship status," he says—as long as you've had that conversation. (Don't sign in to change your user profile without talking to him first!) But if you're interested in casually dating and would like to keep your options open, don't make the switch.

• THE ADVICE: Guys prefer text messages to phone conversations.
• WHAT HE SAYS: It depends on the conversation, but the best plan may be a mix of both calling minutes and texts. Confirming plans, for example, may be done via text message, Patrick explains, while longer, in-depth conversations may be saved for over the phone or in person. "'Hey, how's your day?' can go either way, but you don't want to tell a whole story over text," Basil says. 'How was class?' would be text-appropriate, he specifies. Leave the stories about your own bad day for the next time you call.

First Date

• THE ADVICE: Don't chow down on a big meal when dining out with your guy—you don't want to look like a pig.
• WHAT HE SAYS: Don't skimp on your meal to appear extra petite at the dinner table, but don't order an expensive, extravagant entrée either. Rather, eat a normal amount. "First impressions are important," Patrick admits. "But if she got a burger and fries I wouldn't mind at all. I trust a girl that eats burgers and fries."

• THE ADVICE: Don't ask about previous relationships, or voluntarily talk about your own.
• WHAT HE SAYS: Leave it out of the first date, definitely. "In most situations, that's not a good thing to bring up until down the line, when you've reached a level of comfort," Steve says. Though he considers himself fairly open about the topic, he knows friends who would be less so. "Talking about it could signal to the guy that things are going too fast or getting too serious, which can be scary if they're not ready for it." Patrick adds, "I don't want to hear about it, especially if the guy is extremely attractive, an athlete, or famous. Unless it's Johnny Depp—that I'd want to hear about on the first date."

• THE ADVICE: No sex on the first date.
• WHAT HE SAYS: You don't want to give off the impression of being too easy, Steve says. Though there needs to be some sort of physical relationship, having sex on the first date sets the wrong precedent. Patrick backs Steve, adding, "If you're looking for a serious relationship, sex is not for the first date."

How to Behave

• THE ADVICE: Go out of your way to befriend his buddies.
• WHAT HE SAYS: "It's important that they know each other and can chat without awkwardness," Nick says. Start by joining his circle of friends for a weekly screening of their favorite television show. Not everybody needs to be best friends. In fact, getting too chummy with one of his friends may appear as though you like his pal better than him.

• THE ADVICE: Dumb yourself down a little when talking to guys—so as not to damage their egos.
• WHAT HE SAYS: Never compromise your intelligence! "I don't like dumb girls; what the hell am I going to talk about [with them]?" Patrick reasons. "Preferably, I like a girl that's smarter than me. The last thing a guy wants to do is feel like he's dating a child."

• THE ADVICE: Guys love spontaneity: surprise him at his campus job or dorm.
• WHAT HE SAYS: Men need their space and may not appreciate frequent, out-of-the-blue drop-ins. "In college, I find myself very busy, so I wouldn't necessarily appreciate surprise visits all the time," Nick says, but he'd welcome an unannounced visit every now and then.

Sources:

• Steve Cavolo, graduate student at Kent State University
• Nick Orichella, junior at University of Michigan
• Dan Bencic, junior at Ohio State University
• Basil Pinzone, junior at Penn State University
• Patrick McDonnell, junior at University of Notre Dame
• Photo credit: http://cdn.sheknows.com/articles/couple-in-bed-1.jpg

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"I Love You, Man" is not just a movie title: Decoding the Bromance - Women Campus

George and Brad, Matt and Ben, House and Wilson – all dashingly handsome examples of the inseparable male duo. As expected with our modern tendency to create convenient abbreviations and compound words (Brangelina, Bennifer, Speidi), pop culture has combined the ideas of brotherhood and romance into the ultimate form of male friendship: the "bromance."

How can you spot a bromance? The exceptionally close best friends tend to dress in similar clothes without realizing it, have nicknames for each other, hear a song that reminds them of one of their many hilarious times together,

room together all four years of college, and enjoy nothing more than a few beers and a long round of video games with one another. In movies they have regular sleepovers and find themselves in absurd situations and laugh about it later (Stepbrothers, Superbad, Harold and Kumar, Pineapple Express, The Hangover) and even go to extreme lengths to protect and be there for each other (Lord of the Rings).

The Thin Line Between Bromance and Romance

Still unsure about how a bromance is different from just two best guy friends? Here are the first three definitions of bromance on UrbanDictionary.com:

1. describes the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males
2. a non-sexual relationship between two men that are unusually close
3. a close relationship between two bros to such a point where they start to seem like a couple

The use of words and phrases like "straight" and "non-sexual" and "seem like a couple" imply that the writers of these definitions felt the need to continuously reiterate that boys involved in a bromance are definitely not homosexual and have a strictly platonic relationship. Why is it necessary to make these distinctions? Evidently two guys can't be best friends without worrying about being called "gay."

Even House and Wilson's new hot neighbor automatically assumed they were a couple, and that was before House starting wearing button down pink shirts and ordering musical posters to decorate their apartment.

Heterosexual college guys seem to go out of their way to make sure that every time they express affection for one of their friends it is only in a non-sexual way. Examples: adding a few casual pats on the back when they hug, saying the slang phrase "no homo" after they say something slightly lovey-dovey to another guy friend, and only showering together in sports locker rooms, which conveniently come with the connotation of being excessively masculine environments.

Homosocial is a term that also describes close same-sex relationships that do not have any romantic intentions, and bromance appears to be a more modern adaptation of the word that can be used conversationally in youth culture.

"A bromance is when you are good friends with a guy but it reaches a different level when you're comfortable doing certain things with him that most guys wouldn't do with another guy," says Alex Beer, a junior at Franklin and Marshall College. "Things like going to the movies one on one, going to dinner late night, telling each other that you love each other."

Sister-Romance Girls also have extremely close best friends, so why isn't there a word coined as the female equivalent of a bromance? While awkward words like "sist-ance" or "girl-mance" just don't roll off the tongue, it seems the reason is that girls simply don't need a word.

Professor Guy Mark Foster, who teaches a course titled "(Re)Writing Black Masculinity" at Bowdoin College, feels "there's no heterosexual female equivalent to the 'bromance,' in part because straight women are 'allowed' to bond with one another as a condition of patriarchal domination. Thus, same-sex intimacy between women is not as policed by the society as are same-sex intimate bonds between guys."

Girl best friends, regardless of being heterosexual or homosexual, constantly express intimacy towards one another: saying "love you" at the end of a phone call, holding hands and linking arms in public, going to the bathroom together, and changing in front of one another. Girls are lucky in the sense that we can be affectionate towards people we love without having to worry about societal pressures and expectations. The success of a song like "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry and how "she hopes [her] boyfriend don't mind it" goes to show that women are much more free than men to be sexually expressive with the same sex.

Tim Hagen, a junior at the University of Kansas, defines bromance as "an intimate heterosexual relationship between two guys" and when asked why there isn't a term for a girl bromance he responded "it's because girls can say, I love you, you're my girlfriend, but its weirder for a guy to say that because of that whole sense of wanting to stay as masculine as possible."

Emily Cooper, a junior at Skidmore, feels "it's more normal for girls to be really close but boys need an excuse to be really close to each other, and at the same time avoid being called gay; the term bromance is a good way to avoid that."

When Paris Hilton and Brody Jenner both decided that the most efficient way to find a new best friend was through a reality TV show, their shows were respectively named "Paris Hilton's My New BFF" and "Bromance." Obviously there is a disparity between how society views two best girl friends and two best guy friends, though it is possible MTV reps figured a title like "Bromance" just sounds more interesting than "Brody's New Best Friend." Maybe times will change, but for now just pop in "I Love You, Man" for a girls (or guys) night in, and be thankful we don't need a made-up word to show how much we love our friends.

Sources:
Professor Guy Mark Foster, Department of English at Bowdoin College
Alex Beer, junior at Franklin and Marshall College
Tim Hagen, junior at University of Kansas
Emily Cooper, Skidmore College
"Bromance,"www.Urbandictionary.com
"Homosocial," http://www.glbtq.com/glossary.php?id=13

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Her Gay Best Friend: Confessions of a Third Wheel - Women Campus

Forgive me biffle, for I have chagrined. It has been four weeks since my last confession, when I admitted that I thought your brother was attractive.

I can't tell you how sorry I am for that. I didn't realize that your sister just has short hair and muscular arms.

I have something very important that I need to get off my chest. This is a matter of emotional turmoil, of the inner struggle that causes a rational young man to think unspeakable thoughts and do unspeakable things. Over the last few months I have grown to resent you. I have schemed in ways that I am not proud of, and relished the disastrous results that I have wrought.

I apologize for all of these transgressions, but I really couldn't help myself. For a man can't think clearly when he is repeatedly subjected to one of the most demeaning, uncomfortable experiences there is: being The Third Wheel.

Yes, it is all too often that I find myself in this position. I'll show up for our dinner date only to find him stroking your arm as you pick at your edamame. And our Drew Barrymore film festival last week became more than a little uncomfortable when he put you between his legs like a tub of buttered popcorn and casually sucked on your fingers.

It is at these moments that I feel much like Ryan Seacrest on American Idol: entirely unnecessary and resented by half of the people in the room.

You can imagine what this can do to a person. But while Seacrest can take solace in the sexual favors of eager, young Idol hopefuls, I am left to find other ways to work out my frustration.

And I have found ways, many creative ways. I have become a master of passive aggression, the king of unspoken resentment. I have been waging silent war on your relationship for months, and you haven't seemed to notice.

But now it's time to come clean. Not only is carrying on this way a detriment to our relationship, but the undue stress of keeping these secrets might take a toll on my skin. And I plan on having the elasticity of a 21-year-old for at least the next ten years.

I have listed several of my offenses below. Please recognize that these actions didn't come from a place of anger or hate, but rather a place of selfish envy and schadenfreude.

Confession 1: Sometimes the two of us will be talking in your bedroom and he'll arrive in the midst of our conversation. I'll notice his telltale expression, the shifty stare and blushing cheeks that scream, "I desperately want to be alone with my girlfriend for some much needed hanky panky." I'm a man. I know that expression far too well.

I usually take this opportunity to launch into an elaborate story about my father's kidney stones. The thought of your man's testicles slowly fading to a lovely shade of cerulean helps ease the pain of my sexless existence.

Confession 2: Each time you guys get into a fight, I'm deeply concerned. I hug you close to me and spout out a string of reassuring sentiments to calm your troubled mind.

"He's being totally inconsiderate," I'll say. "It's okay. I'm sure he'll call tomorrow and apologize about the whole thing," I'll promise. "He would say that! Poorly endowed jerk!" I'll remark with utterly convincing passion.

As these words are coming out of my mouth, I'm really thinking, "Awesome! Now I have someone to watch my Netflix movie with tonight."

Confession 3: Every now and then, we'll go out to dinner as a group. And at some point between campus and the restaurant I'll look around and realize that in a group of seven, there are three couples and myself. It is at this moment that the Akon remix of "Mr. Lonely" starts playing in my head, replacing the Snoopy theme that normally accompanies my life.

When the hostess seats us at the restaurant, I'll pick a seat that makes it impossible for you two to sit next to each other. Honestly, if I have to chew on my lo mein while every else holds hands and snuggles, I fear I might projectile vomit on every last one of you.

Confession 4: For a birthday or anniversary, occasionally you turn to me for advice on what your boyfriend might like as a gift. With my unquestionably male perspective of the situation, I offer you sage wisdom on all matters man, and generate some quality gift ideas.

I apologize if my ideas don't go over that well. I assumed that plenty of other men would appreciate a DVD box set of Gilmore Girls and a fresh bottle of KY as much as I would.

Confession 5: At any event, be it a party, dance, or most recently Spring Break, it's never long before one of our friends whips out her digital camera in the hopes of gathering evidence that she does, in fact, have a social life. She'll later post these pictures on Facebook to prove it to the online world.

As the group scrambles to strike the perfect model pose, I make sure to slide myself between you and your man. I figure it will be less tempting to crop the rest of us out and make it your romantic profile picture if I'm in between you two doing my "O" face.

Confession 6: On the rare occasion that you doubt your bedroom abilities, you turn to me for insight into the male anatomy. It is at that moment that I cease to be Scott, the friend, and become Professor Rosenfeld, sex educator.

Lesson 1 on the agenda - All men love anal stimulation.
Lesson 2 - "What the hell are you doing?!" is a man's way of saying, "Sweet Holy Moses, that feels good!"

Confession 7:

Just when I thought I said all I could say, my chick on the side says she got one on the way.

Oh, sorry. That last one was Usher's confession. My mistake.

I hope you can forgive me for all of my misdeeds and secrets. I worried that you might be angry, but I feel that it's important for our friendship that I not keep things from you. After all, the more secrets that we keep, the greater the threat that we'll end up as frenemies, plotting against each other with malicious gossip and weight-gain nutrition bars.

And frankly, that would be tragic. Your waistline looks good just the way it is.

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Warm up Your Love: 5 Date Ideas for the End of Winter - Women Campus

Winter can be the worst time for dating. And relationships. The cold weather keeps you from going outside to enjoy the usual activities you love. Those gloomy days don't get you excited for much more than snuggling up on the couch with a blanket and a movie (and even this can get old after a while).

It's tough to stay motivated in winter, but if you get active, your relationship will benefit from your happier moods.

Remember: whatever you choose to do with your date, make sure to get off the couch, out of the sweatpants (no matter how comfy they are), and do something you both enjoy!

Here are five ways to keep you and your crush or boyfriend fighting the winter blahs.

Become a Nature Lover

It might be chilly outside, but take advantage of those blue-skied, sunny winter days! We get so used to spending all our time inside when it's cold. Both you and your date will benefit from spending a few hours in the fresh air (and the sunshine).

No matter where you live, there are bound to be nature areas, even if it's just a park. Usually they're free to use, or cost only a few dollars for parking.

If you're adventurous and looking to try something new, give snowshoeing or cross country skiing a shot. The equipment is typically rented out by the hour. The great thing about snowshoes: they can strap over any boots, even Uggs, or Hunter rain boots.

Not looking to work up a winter sweat? Just go for a nice walk through the snow-covered woods. Honestly, what could be cuter than keeping each other warm in the snow? Just remember to bundle up!

Getting outside to do something active can be fun for both of you (the sunshine raises serotonin levels and makes you feel happy!).

Your guy might love a little competition to make it a bit more exciting. Get his adrenaline pumping and tell him you'll race him to the top of the hill.

An added bonus: After being outside, it gives you both an excuse to get cozy and warm each other up!

Test out the Ice

Although it's a nice thought, most winter days are not sunny and blue-skied (so take advantage when it happens!). Usually they're gloomy, grey, and without the sun anywhere in sight.

Those are the days when you stay under a roof. This doesn't mean you can't be active though! Try ice skating!

At first mention of lacing up those tiny skates, your date might immediately think of the figure skaters in the Olympics. How is he ever going to accomplish that triple-sow-cow to impress you, when he's never even skated before!?

Calm his nerves though. Reassure him that you'll hold his hand the whole way. Even if he ends up gripping the railing around every corner (believe me, it happens).

Even if one (or both) of you have never skated before, this can be the perfect bonding experience. Keep it casual and laugh at each other (and yourself, of course) when you fall.

Learning something new together can be the perfect date, and give you that extra boost you need to make it through the gloomy winter days.

Happy Cooking

Sometimes during the winter months, the weather does not provide the best conditions for going out to eat at your favorite restaurant. Sleet, freezing rain, or a 'wintery-mix'? Not ideal for driving.

Not to worry. Invite him to your place (or go to his, of course)! Cook up your favorite meal together.

Love going out for a good pasta dinner? Grab some alfredo or marinara sauce, add a salad and some garlic bread and you've got yourself a meal!

Another super easy, delicious (and boy-friendly) dinner: homemade pizza. Buy a pre-made crust (usually near the bread aisle), some marinara sauce, and mozzarella cheese. Add a sprinkle of olive oil and dash of oregano and basil to add some classic Italian flavor.

If you're not up for making a big dinner meal, invite him over, or go to his place for brunch! Pancakes are extremely easy (most mixes only need water added). French toast or eggs are also an easy option.

Can't think of anything to make? There are thousands of recipes online. Try allrecipes.com, or copycat.com, for lots of awesome ideas.

Cooking a meal together can be a lot more fun, and cozier, than heading out to a restaurant.

Grab a Cup

Fight off those winter chills and warm up with a classic winter drink. Stop by a café and grab a coffee, tea, or hot chocolate with your date.

Rather than going out for an expansive lunch, make the meal at home, and go out for a tasty dessert-like drink afterwards.

Tried the ice skating or snowshoeing date? This can be the perfect way to warm up after spending an afternoon outside.

Don't finish your cup in a speedy two minutes though! Make it special by enjoying your drink and taking time to chat together.

And when you both are drowning in homework assignments, going to a café can be a quick pick-me-up. After a rough week of classes, sometimes a 20-minute catch-up with your boy is the perfect remedy.

Add that tasty steaming cup of coffee, and your day is bound to get a whole lot better.

Go Team!

Regardless of where you go to school, there are always events going on on campus. Take advantage of these as local (and cheap!) date ideas. Check out the events calendar on your school website, or keep an eye out for posters of upcoming events.

Is your crush into sports? Go to a sporting event on campus and support your school. Usually there is a student discount. Sometimes they're even free!

Not so much of a sports guy? Go see a play from the drama program, or get tickets for the next band that's coming your way.

These are sure to mix up your usual routine and can be a nice change from the tired dinner-and-a- movie date. That performance by the drama club will probably be much more interesting than a movie anyway.

Most of these events will also probably be held indoors, perfect for the chilly winter weather!

Sources:

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/why-love-is-harder-in-winter-1209

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Then and Now: A Survey of History's Hottest Celebs - Women Campus

Where would the world be without hot male celebrities? It's painful to imagine a society without lust-worthy actors and singers adorning our bedroom walls. And surely it's not an exaggerated assumption that, without the existence of these memorable men, 90 percent of magazines would go out of business. People Magazine's annual list of the sexiest men alive, anyone? But this is far from a new phenomenon. While our view of the perfect man may have changed since the beginning of the 20th century, our obsession with him has not.

Here, I give you my picks for the hottest celebs of the last 80 years.

1930s:

Clark Gable- A movie star for our grandparents' age, he's best known for his role in Gone with the Wind. Even though gossip spread at a slower pace at the time, Gable couldn't keep his affair with actress Loretta Young private after the two had a child together.

IMDB Fun Fact: According to his biography, Hitler was a huge fan of Gable, who was in the Army at the time. Hitler put out a reward for his return from Germany and back to show business.

1940s:

Harry James- John Mayer is to dating what James was to marriage. This musician, whose parents were circus performers, said "I do" four times. His performances at the Paramount Theater made him a teenage heartthrob and his main claim to fame was the jazz band, The Music Makers.

IMDB Fun Fact: James discovered Frank Sinatra while he was working as a New Jersey waiter. Good work, Harry.

1950s:

Elvis Presley- With this "king of rock n' roll," the name really speaks for itself. Known for his version of blues singing, he also tried his hand at movies, much to the dismay of critics and the appreciation of his fans.

IMDB Fun Fact: Wonder if the members of Tau Kappa Epsilon fraternity use Elvis to promote pledging. That's right, the king of rock n' roll was an honorary member of the frat at Arkansas State College.

1960s:

Warren Beatty- If Time Magazine named him "Mr. Hollywood," he must have been a big deal. Professionally, he's known for his role in Bonnie and Clyde, but Beatty is also known for being quite the ladies man. Among his leading ladies of the moment were Madonna, Cher, Carlie Simon, and Goldie Hawn.

IMDB Fun Fact: Who doesn't love karma? Supermodel Stephanie Seymour said goodbye to this womanizer celeb because she had her sights set on Axl Rose instead.

1970s:

John Travolta- A celebrity for our parents' generation, John Travolta got his big break with Saturday Night Fever, which was shortly followed by his role as Danny Zuko in Grease. A bad boy of the 70s, Travolta dropped out of school at 16 to pursue his acting career.

IMDB Fun Fact: The first time he tried to marry Kelly Preston, the two found out that the French Scientologist who married them was not legally certified to do so. Ultimate fail or story to tell the grandkids?

1980s:

Rob Lowe- His early claim to fame was St. Elmo's Fire, a film about college graduates struggling with life in the real world. Sure he dealt with a sex scandal and substance abuse when he was younger, but this timeline is about looks, not morals.

IMDB Fun Fact: Also not an obstacle for talent or good looks, Lowe is deaf in his right ear.

1990s:

Nothing screams 90's more than the word "boy band". Whether you were on team BSB, team *NSync, or had a soft spot for 98 degrees, there's no denying that these were the hotties of our teenage years. So please forgive my inability to pick just one.

IMDB Fun Facts: "Backstreet Secrets Only A Girlfriend Can Tell" was a book written by an ex-girlfriend of Brian Littrel. Kevin Federline, now ex-husband of Justin Timberlake's ex-girlfriend, Britney Spears, was a backup dancer for N*Sync at the 2002 Grammys. Finally, Nick Lachey appeared on the show "Charmed" for a few episodes.

2000s:

Heath Ledger, the hottie we'll miss the most- No movie collection is complete without 10 Things I Hate About You, and the image of Heath dancing and singing on the bleachers is priceless. Starting off playing a teenager in every role, he eventually broke the mold and showed the world his true acting talents. If talent isn't enough, there was always that winning accent.

IMDB Fun Fact: His acting career started at 10 years old when he played Peter Pan in a local play.

Today:

Dispute me if you wish, but Robert Pattinson seems to be the man of the moment. This Twilight star's life is at the center of magazines and gossip TV shows, drawing in women from age 12 to 52. While Harry Potter fans knew him first as Cedric Diggory, fans now go crazy over the mere mention of vampire Edward Cullen.

IMDB Fun Fact: Check out this quote from the site: "Up until I was 12 my sisters used to dress me up as a girl and introduce me as 'Claudia'! Twelve was a turning point as I moved to a mixed school and then I became cool and discovered hair gel." We're glad you did, Rob.

Sources:

IMDB Biographies
http://www.arnadal.no/film/actors/30male.htm http://www.scaruffi.com/music/best.html#80

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Her Gay Best Friend: Blame it on the Alcohol- Drunken Decisions with Sobering Consequences - Women Campus

In light of recent events, I would like to take this opportunity to depart from frivolous humor for a bit, and make the following public service announcement:

There is an urgent social issue that has been plaguing college campuses throughout the nation. The impact has been catastrophic, with lives destroyed, friendships ruined, and many a young woman left in tears.

In recent years, it has reached near-epidemic proportions, and so it is imperative that the American public take appropriate measures to protect itself. For it is only with knowledge and power of will that we can counteract its destructive nature.

Worried? You should be, because if it hasn't already, chances are your life will soon fall victim to the tremendous repercussions of...

The Drunken Mistake.

Indeed, drunken mistakes have been on the rise ever since the early 90s, when reality television began to take root and the American value system began its rapid degradation. The seeming ubiquity of tipsy coeds on the Music Television Network had devastating effects on the psyche of the American citizen. In fact, researchers have noted a direct correlation between the annual volume of annulled Las Vegas marriages and the number of three-way kiss scenes in each season of The Real World. It is clear that many young people today are caught in a vicious cycle of monkey see, monkey do. And boy, does monkey do. Monkey do a keg stand at a sketchy house party, monkey do a body shot off of an attractive stranger, and then monkey wake up the next morning with no pants and no memory of the past 15 hours.

What follows is an actual account of actual events that actually happened to one unfortunate young college student, who did not recognize the threat that drunken mistakes pose to the American public. Some names have been changed to protect guilty parties, some details exaggerated to increase entertainment value, but at the heart of this tale remains an average girl, who learned the hard way that it isn't always a good enough excuse to blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

I apologize for my stutter.

The Case of McButterface

The past few months had been difficult for Sloppy McButterface. She had been having a hard time rebuilding her reputation ever since an unfortunate encounter involving the perfect storm of tequila, projectile vomit, and poor aim. But lately things had been getting better. And a fair amount of this was attributable to her latest project, the seduction of Rob Dovallsents.

She'd eye him from across the room in history lecture, conveying her sexual desires with a Morse Code of lustful blinks. Every night her heart called out to him, as did her cell phone ever since she'd extorted his phone number from one of his fraternity brothers. Her plan was set in motion. All she had to do was sit back and wait for Rob to flock to her like sorority girls to a Jersey Shore party. Except for one thing.

Crazy Artmajor.

It seems that Rob and Crazy had been seeing each other for a couple of months, but nothing had been made official. Crazy said she didn't like labels. Many believed this stemmed from her days in elementary school, when the other kids labeled her "gross, smelly, and awkward," but she maintained that structure simply didn't mesh with her liberal lifestyle.

"So if they aren't official," Sloppy reasoned, "that means that Rob is fair game, right?"

"Wrong," her friends told her. "For, as we learned from Scott Rosenfeld's last article on Her Campus, even an unofficial relationship can be a monogamous one."

"I know, I know. I would never actually do something like that." Sloppy took a moment to readjust her push-up brassiere. "But if I see him at the party tonight, there's still no harm in flirting."

But poor, naive Sloppy was wrong again. Because there is a great deal of harm in flirting...when it's been mixed with a heavy dose of a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

I'm sorry. I really don't know where that stutter keeps coming from.

True to form, Sloppy did have too much to drink that night, and as fate would have it, Rob had spent much of the night becoming reacquainted with his good friend Vladimir. He and Sloppy ran into each other at the fraternity party in comparable states of mental disarray.

It began harmlessly enough, with innocent talking and swaying to the music. But talking gave way to kissing, and swaying gave way to intense pelvic gyrations. It wasn't long before Sloppy found herself in young Robert's bedroom, cursing herself for having worn a bra with a clasp in the back.

"Wait," she said as she struggled to unleash Victoria's secret. "What about Crazy? Aren't you guys dating?"

Rob looked up from his belt buckle, which was giving him an equal amount of trouble.

"You're right. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, but she'd probably be mad."

Despite being drunk, both Rob and Sloppy realized the potential danger of their next course of action. Had they been sober, they would have immediately put back on their clothes and harmlessly parted ways. But like a four-year-old child with rich, negligent parents, a drunken person doesn't understand the meaning of delayed gratification.

And believe me when I say, there was little to no delay in the gratification that shortly followed.

Sloppy awoke the next morning in a haze. Her head ached. Her vision was blurry. Her underwear was nowhere to be found. She struggled to remember the events of the previous night, but what she couldn't remember was easily inferable when she noticed the nude man sleeping next to her.

Sloppy was horrified. She leapt to her feet and scrambled to find her clothes, all the while hoping that Rob wouldn't wake up and that the stiff shape beneath the blanket was simply a misplaced bottle of Corona.

In a flash she was out the door and down the stairs. She prayed that she hadn't left anything in Rob's room, that he had used a condom, and most importantly, that no one had seen her leave Rob's room with telltale sex-hair.

Unfortunately for Sloppy, someone had seen. It is unclear who this witness was, this inconsiderate gossipmonger, but within the course of 48 hours Sloppy noticed smiles from Rob's fraternity brothers and death-stares from Crazy's sorority sisters. During each walk to class, Sloppy faced an overwhelming fear that excrement was about to collide with a personal cooling unit.

She didn't have to wait long.

On Monday morning, Sloppy was on her way to French class when she came face to face with her worst nightmare. The acrylic-stained hands. The faint smell of Franzia. The eclectic outfit that paired a Salvation Army shirt with American Apparel leggings. There was only one person it could be.

"Can we talk?" asked the serene, girlish voice of Crazy Artmajor.

Sloppy nodded wordlessly and followed Crazy into the women's restroom. The door hadn't even closed before Sloppy collapsed into a mess of shrill sobs.

"I'm so sorry!" she shrieked, guarding her face with her backpack. "It wasn't my fault! It was the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol!"

"Did you just stutter?"

"Yeah. I do it sometimes when I'm nervous."

Crazy giggled. "Sloppy, I'm not here to yell or scream. I just wanted to tell you face to face that there are no hard feelings."

Sloppy was certain that she misheard her. She left her backpack firmly in front of her face and asked, "Huh?"

"It's really okay." Crazy approached Sloppy and placed an acrylic-stained hand on her shoulder. "Sure, I've been seeing Rob for a while, but we've never talked about being exclusive. I mean, he's asked me to be his girlfriend a couple of times, but I've said no. So I really don't have any warrant to get mad if he does something with another girl."

Touched by the heartfelt speech she was hearing, Sloppy slowly lowered her backpack and looked Crazy in the eye.

"Now I know everyone's making such a big deal about all of this, and my friends have been a little hostile to you over the last few days, but you really don't need to worry about me. I understand how these things can happen." Crazy opened up her purse and began to rifle around. "In fact, I wrote you a poem to show you how I feel about the entire situation."

Crazy removed a folded piece of paper from her purse and held it out for Sloppy.

"A poem?" Sloppy was in disbelief.

"Yeah. I find that it really helps me to sort through my emotions when I write things out in the form of a poem. This one's a haiku."

Sloppy smiled and took the paper from Crazy. She had been expecting a slap, at the very least a face-full of spit followed by an obligatory "Whore!" But this calm, understanding girl had simply written her a poem. She felt so foolish. She was still smiling as she unfolded the paper and started reading.

To a dumbass bitch
Who couldn't keep her legs closed:
I'll rip out your throat.

Sloppy had barely read the last word before an acrylic-stained fist came careening towards her face.

* * *

How could this fate befall this poor, young girl? Why was the evil influence of alcohol not a good enough excuse to appease a wronged woman's violent rage? And, worst of all, why have I resorted to a string of melodramatic rhetorical questions to disguise my ineptitude at segues?

Well, there are two reasons.

First, to treat alcohol as a villain would result in a nasty case of cognitive dissonance for your party-loving peers. After all, it would be far too troubling to turn against a friend that you invite to every party you throw, a friend you rely on to transform a dank basement and a busted stereo into a spirited shindig. Frankly, in the choice between a stranger who has done you wrong and the key ingredient to a Friday night fiesta, there's really no competition.

Secondly, and more importantly, to blame it all on booze would be letting you off too easy.

Be honest. When you call your friend a self-centered idiot after six or seven shots, it's because you've been thinking that for a while. And when you drunk-dial your ex after getting home from a party, it's because a small part of you misses him (and a larger part misses the sweet lovin' he used to provide).

Alcohol is not a sinister fiend that coerces you to say and do terrible things. Alcohol is a pushy friend who forces you to say and do all the things you've always secretly wanted to. Those things that you never could because of silly obstacles like common sense and consideration for others.

So if you worry that you may throw yourself at a taken man, limit your intake for the night. And if you have to work at holding your tongue around your obnoxious friend, don't treat your Solo cup like a bottle of water. Because in those situations, anything you say or do can and will be used against you.

However, if you wake up in a pool of urine, with a stranger's pants on, slowly realizing that you accidentally went into your neighbor's bedroom instead of your own...

Blame it on the alcohol.

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College Guy Answers Your Love Life Questions: Cheaters and Accidental Virgins - Women Campus

Got a burning love life q? Consult our Real Live College Guy (he also goes by Chase). Each month, our RLCG will take you inside the college guy's brain to demystify your tricky, sticky, icky love (can you even call it that?) situations.

Ready? Here goes!

1) I was dating this guy for a couple of years- and it was a dream come true. We didn't really seem to have any problems, but then I caught him cheating. I broke things off immediately, and it's been over a year and a half since we last spoke, but all of a sudden he keeps trying to get in contact with me. He keeps telling me that he misses me. Do you think there's any hope for guys breaking their cheating streaks? -Stumped at Stanford

Yikes, this is a tough one. Cheating doesn't mean something specific with guys. A great philosopher (myself) once said that when guys cheat it's because of opportunity, while for girls it's because of relationship dissatisfaction. The key is that when a guy cheats, it is not because he doesn't like you anymore or because he is some monstrous creature. Stop thinking that a guy is like a girl who would cheat as soon as she gets bored or dissatisfied. Guys think differently. Unconfident guys cheat to receive that boost to their ego; it can be depressing for them to be monogamous if they aren't used to handling serious relationships. While you may be perfect in every way, given the right opportunity, unconfident guys still love to have a new girl giggle at their stupid jokes and make them feel more wanted. It's only after cheating that these guys mature and realize what a mistake they've made.

Your situation, though, is a little more complicated. Guaranteed, now hear me, guaranteed, if you two really are meant to be and he really loves you for nothing more than you (i.e., not your money, looks, status, convenience), then he won't cheat again. Be careful though—make sure he isn't coming back because he feels bad, wants it off his conscience, or now believes "he can't do any better." If those are the reasons, he will probably cheat again—and you probably aren't meant to be. Otherwise, it's likely he spent the year and a half fooling around and feeling "manly" only to realize what he missed the most… you.

2) I'm a sophomore in college and still a virgin. I'm definitely not waiting 'til marriage, I just haven't been in a relationship with someone long enough to get to that point. How long into the relationship do you tell someone you're a virgin? Do you tell them at all? Also, if you're hooking up with a guy and want to do "everything but"...what's the best way to word it without bruising his ego but continuing the hook up? -Unsure at UVA

Truthfully, I don't think a guy would really care at all if you held out on sex for as long as you want as long as you remain honest and sexual. The first time you sneak off to his room and shirts go flying, mention your virginity, but be sure to explain that you're not overly-Christian and your lady parts aren't surrounded by barbed wire. Tell him that you are just waiting for the right relationship with the right guy. If he's not a jerk, he's going to say he respects your choice and doesn't really care. Always tell him early though, so he can avoid looking like an idiot by waving a suggestive condom or awkwardly asking if "you're ready." An important aspect to every relationship is its sexuality, so that still needs to be present. Instead of telling him you are ok with "everything but" go ahead and start doing "everything but." It will probably surprise him at first, but he'll definitely get the idea. He will gladly endure any amount of time, but be sure to tell him when you're ready (if ever) since he probably won't want to push you.

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Ex-Rated: Should You Get Back Together With Your Ex? - Women Campus

Break ups. Ugh.

Never clean, rarely final, and always emotionally draining. Just reading the word alone is upsetting. But sometimes the hardest part of the split isn't the actual break up, it's that little, nagging voice in your head saying, Wait...was that a mistake?

We consulted therapist and relationship expert, Dr. Tom Arbaugh from Staunton, VA, and the Outreach and Consultation Specialist at JMU's Counseling and Student Development Center, Dr. Celeste Thomas, to help make sense of one of the most confusing and exhausting post-break up dilemmas known to woman: The Ex-Boyfriend Deliberation. Do you get back together with him? Do you move on for good? What do you do?!

Read on to figure out which kind of Ex you're dealing with, and, well, how to deal.

The Cheater

Including country divas Kellie Pickler and Carrie Underwood, some people have extremely strong views on this complex ex-boyfriend profile. If you, too, believe that "a cheater is always a cheater," you might agree that this is an irreversible deal-breaker. However, not every girl feels that a second chance is out of the question.

"Sometimes there's so much past with someone you've been with for a long time, that it can be hard just to walk away…" says JMU junior, Kaitlyn Burrows.

Dr. Arbaugh says, "What really has to be asked is 'What is my role in his cheating?'" This can be a difficult and painful question to ask ourselves as the "victim", but he believes that it is necessary to figure out what went wrong, and whether or not that second chance is a good idea. "Of course we always feel that the cheater is the 'scumbag', but we always forget that there are two people in a relationship," he explains.

Dr. Thomas agrees that finding out "the why" is very important, including if there's any family history of infidelity. "Negative patterns usually repeat," she explains.

So, what's the final verdict on the Cheater Ex-Boyfriend? Dr. Thomas says you should base your decision off of whether or not that "why" question can be resolved. "If the reason is some sort of internal problem and they're not able to resolve the issue – like they only cheat when they're drunk but won't give up alcohol – chances are they'll cheat again," she says. So consider giving him a second chance if you've figured out why it happened, and why you're both confident it won't ever happen again.

The First Love

Oh, the First Love syndrome. Everyone remembers that first guy they really fell hard for – which is exactly why going through this break up can be so hard to move on from. When he's the first one you've ever really had to get over, forgetting about him can be extremely difficult.

Alana Massey, a junior at JMU, agrees. "You put your first love on such a pedestal, that every 'love' after it will never be as great. And it's not that the ones after that aren't as good, it's just that they're not…a 'first'."

This is where some crucial self-reflection time comes in. Do you miss him because everyone else you've dated after him has been so different? Or do you miss him because no one else after him has even compared?

If you're not sure, Dr. Arbaugh has some advice to help. "Many times just getting a good distance (emotionally, if not physically) from a guy is the most helpful part of successfully breaking up…then she can know what she actually wanted from that relationship."

Michelle Clements, a senior at Moore College of Art  & Design, had more than a "good distance" between her and her current boyfriend before they got together.

"I met Wouter in 2005 when I was in Belgium, but I had a boyfriend at the time and he was in the process of breaking up with his girlfriend, so it was kind of awkward timing," she says.

Even after they both became single, Clements felt that starting a relationship with someone on the other side of the world seemed unrealistic. They stayed in touch by sending packages to each other and talking online, but continued dating other people. "I still felt like, 'This is perfect, but it can't happen now. We have to do our own thing until we can be together,'" says Clements. Turns out, she was right.

Three whole years later, after meeting back up with Wouter in Amsterdam while she was on a study tour, Clements realized that they had something too good to pass up. They decided to be together, and thanks to some overseas internships and well-spent Christmas breaks, they have had success with their long-distance relationship ever since.

Verdict? Dr. Thomas says give another chance to the First Love Ex if: "You've had a clean break and looked at what went wrong to cause of the break up, and both people are willing to make appropriate changes."

The Light Switch

Otherwise known as the "On and Off" relationship, this can make for a very damaging and confusing (ex) boyfriend profile. As if it isn't hard enough to move on once, the people involved in this type of relationship often go back-and-forth multiple times between being together and being separated.

"On-and-off relationships aren't for everybody. You definitely have to have a really tough skin," Burrows explains. "Because your relationship is literally 'on-and-off', there are going to be periods of time where one of you is dating somebody else or hooking up with somebody."

If it is so difficult to carry on, why is it such a common relationship habit to get into? "People often get back with an ex because it is easier to have a terrible relationship with someone you know than it is to start over," says Dr. Arbaugh.

Massey can relate to this ex-boyfriend profile. "Our relationship is just a game where he sucks me back in. He texted me a few days ago and said he's 'miserable without me,' but I went on his Facebook and saw he had sent a message to another girl asking her to dinner," said Massey. "I want him to change, but I don't think he will."

As hard as it is, these are the type of realizations you need to keep telling yourself if you're stuck in an on-and-off relationship. "Learn something about yourself, address that, and begin working on a new relationship," says Dr. Arbaugh.

If it's still the Light Switch Ex that you want to start a new relationship with, here's the final verdict according to Dr. Thomas: "When you keep saying changes are going to happen and change doesn't happen, or when you're stuck because it's comfortable, time to go." Use those guidelines to gauge if it's why you're stuck in the cycle, and make moves from there.

The One Your Parents Hate

Here's one last profile that may be causing internal strife when making the Ex-Boyfriend Deliberation: The One Your Parents Hate. Not only could this potentially ruin the chances of ever getting back with the guy, but it could also do some permanent damage to the relationship you have with your parents – and nobody wants that.

So what do you do? Dr. Arbaugh says he'd find out the following first: "Why do the parents hate him? Do they hate every boy she dates?" He explains that sometimes it might be an issue unrelated to the relationship, like the parents thinking that no one will ever be good enough for their daughter.

Making the decision for this one can get kind of tricky, considering all your parents want is what's best for you. "You need to really look outside yourself," says Dr. Thomas. "You've respected their opinions your whole life, what is different about this?" Analyze if the reason why they don't want you to get back with him is because it actually is what's best for you.

Final Verdict: "If her parents usually like the guys that she dates, but hate this one and can present good reasons why they hate this one, then it really could (and maybe should) be a deal breaker," he says. However, don't be afraid to fight for their approval if it's something you feel strongly about or if their reasons for hating him aren't justified – because they also just want to see you happy, and they might eventually come around.

Use Your Head

"

To sum up all four of the sticky situations listed above, Dr. Arbaugh has one simple piece of advice: "You have to really look at why you broke up, what the characteristics are that you're really seeking, and if this person has these characteristics.

If you take the time to figure out what it is you should be getting from a relationship with an "old flame", you'll be well on your way to figuring out whether you're ready to strike another match, or snuff it out for good.

Sources:

Dr. Thomas Arbaugh, Counselor/Therapist, Ph.D.
Celeste R. Thomas, M.S., Ph.D. Outreach and Consultation Specialist Coordinator, Peer Mentor Program
Kaitlyn Burrows, JMU junior
Alana Massey, JMU junior
Michelle Clements, Moore College of Art & Design senior

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