How to Deal with Roommate Money Spending Issues - Women Campus
It's the first few weeks of school and your apartment is still completely empty, and you and your friends have no idea how to go about buying things to fill it. Sound familiar? Things can get tricky when it comes to mixing money with relationships, and each person's budget can be a touchy subject. Her Campus had the help of Neal Frankle, a certified financial planner and the author of the book Why Smart People Lose a Fortune, and together we came up with some helpful tips on how to get your apartment furnished while leaving your friendships intact.
Excluding rent, the things that roommates typically spend the most money on can break down into three categories:
1. The appliances and furniture. These include the sound system, television, mini fridge, microwave, couch, coffee table, etc. If everyone is not able to bring something from home to contribute, there are a few different ways to break down the cost of these pricey items:
Less expensive and smaller items. For things like the microwave and coffeemaker, it is usually best for each person to buy one whole item each. Since they are relatively small, everyone will be able to store her own appliance over the summer, and you can even arrange to sell it to an underclassman for the following year. Otherwise, if everyone splits the cost of each item it will be difficult to decide who will keep it since (as we all know) you end up switching roommates in college pretty frequently.
More expensive appliances and furniture. For things like the television and the futon, it makes the most sense to split the cost between whoever agrees will use it the most. If one of the roommates claims she will never use the item, like only listening to her ipod instead of the new speakers in the common room, it is fair to not include her in the bill.
- However, some problems seem inevitable when it comes to spending large amounts of money. In an attempt to avoid these, Frankle recommends suggesting a deal casually to your friends beforehand, such as "I know this may seem silly, but I don't want this washing machine to come between us, so we should write down the agreement." This includes how much each person will pay, who will pay for repairs, and who will keep it. A little bit of awkwardness now will save a lot of awkwardness later.
- It's likely your roommates will all come from different economic backgrounds, so Frankle advises that everyone should tell each other up front, "Here's what I can afford, here's what I cannot afford." If everyone agrees to buy a standard sized TV but the person with an unlimited budget won't settle unless they have a 48'' flat screen HD TV, then it makes most sense for her to pay the difference.
- If you paid for the whole thing on your credit card and your roommate still hasn't paid her half back, be honest about how you feel but make sure you're not angry when you bring it up. "I got to tell you Mary, here is what we agreed on. Here's what happened. Here's how is makes me feel. Here's what I would like to see happen," is one way Frankle suggests approaching the problem. If your roommate is on a tight budget, agree on a monthly amount so she can pay the cost back over time. (See below for more advice on loaning money)
- Nevertheless, sometimes it is impossible to buy pricey items for your apartment. A friend of mine who is a junior at UCSB had a situation where everyone but one roommate wanted to buy cable for their off-campus house. After weeks of arguing, they ended up never getting cable because they didn't want to have to deal with "kicking her out of the living room whenever [they] wanted to watch TV." Just try not to let these issues stand in the way of having a happy semester.
2. Staples of the home. These are objects that only need to be purchased once or very infrequently, like cleaning supplies, dishware, and laundry detergent. This is the easiest category to negotiate because the cost can be divided evenly, as there is no need to worry about who keeps what when the semester ends and everyone pretty much uses everything the same amount. Here are some helpful tips to limit spending in this category:
- Buy large sizes of dish soap and detergent to eliminate the need for frequent trips to the store.
- Try to use environmentally-friendly (and wallet-friendly!) options, such as non-disposable dishware and dishcloths instead of plastic cups and paper towels.
3. Communal items used daily. The apartment's communal things like toilet paper and food seem to suck up the largest amount of money and also seem to cause the most amount of tension.
Toilet paper. Even though it is one of the most basic necessities of home, it is also one of the easiest things to overlook purchasing. For example, a few friends of mine who were living in NYU dorms this summer started pocketing bunches of napkins at restaurants to bring home as a substitute. Instead of resorting to the "napkin solution," try rotating the responsibility of buying the toilet paper, or buy a bulk package and split the cost between all the roommates.
- If it seems like the responsibility to buy TP always falls on you, Frankle recommends taking your roommates aside and telling them straight out, "Everyone right now put in five bucks. I'm happy to go to the store but I'm not going to pay for it anymore." No one can argue with that.
Food. Eating someone else's food can quickly slip from a money issue to a relationship problem. If you rely on the dining hall for most of your meals, it makes the most sense to purchase your own snacks and eat what you buy. However, if you have a kitchen, here are a few helpful strategies to live by:
- First, create a shopping list before you go to the store to limit spending on impulse purchases. Then, have everyone contribute about $20-$40 depending on how many roommates you have, and then use the money to buy the kitchen essentials everyone will eat, like salt, pepper, butter, oil, sugar, ketchup, milk, etc.
- Divide the money left over for personal food, like vegan cookies and certain brands of cereal. This way, you control how much money you spend at the grocery store and everyone can fairly share the food you bought together. Since you won't have to buy the kitchen essentials as frequently, it is easy for people to pay for their own food the majority of the time.
- Frankle finds that "food is a unique problem because different people eat different amounts at different times," and a good reason to avoid sharing is because of your friends' varying appetites. My brother had an issue because his roommates would all share the cost of deli meat since they all enjoyed sandwiches, and one roommate "was using like three slices of each meat on his sandwiches and Mike* felt like he was getting gypped on his share." These examples seem ridiculous, but it's not about the amount of money or the amount of meat, but about what it means to other people.
Once these purchases are finalized, here are some helpful tips to make sure you keep the peace, or at least maintain the cease-fire:
Avoid loaning money. Try to make it a personal rule to never loan money. Frankle says, "If someone owes you money and they haven't paid you back on schedule, the chances of you getting it back diminish every day and the [quality of your friendship] decreases exponentially." If someone ever forgets her wallet, Frankle suggests giving the money to her instead of loaning it, and say something like, "You know I don't like doing this, so don't worry about paying me back but I'm not going to do this again." Failing to pay a friend back is far worse for a relationship than refusing to loan money to a friend.
Use labels. Putting a quick and friendly post-it on your lunch for tomorrow or your expensive fabric softener is perfectly acceptable roommate etiquette.
Save all of the important receipts. Whether you save the receipt for the TV or a big trip to the supermarket, these will come in handy in the future when tension starts to rise. It is helpful to keep track of who spends what, and even write on the back of the receipt who paid how much of the total.
When something seems unfair, talk about it. Letting your resentment build about a small money issue can cause it to turn into a major strain on your friendship. As Frankle puts it, "Money is a great way people demonstrate who they are. Count yourself very lucky if you learn that lesson in your [teens] and twenties." *name changed. Sources:
- Neal Frankle, the author of the book "Why Smart People Lose a Fortune," is a certified Financial Planner. Check out his blog on money managing: The Wealth Pilgrim (wealthpilgrim.com)
- Kelly Pagano, student at UCSB
- Jeff Buffum, student at Ithaca College
- http://www.stateuniversity.com/blog/permalink/Managing-your-Money.html
- http://wealthpilgrim.com/2009/06/is-it-possible-to-lend-money-to-someone-without-ending-the-relationship/
