Her Gay Best Friend: The Olymp-Ex—A Guide to Winning Your Breakup

Last weekend was, to put it as nicely as possible, a shit show.  

Oh? You say you don't remember last weekend? Well let me refresh your memory. It was your first party since the breakup. You were still healing. You were fragile. You were putting on a brave face…then you were drunkenly sobbing in the bathroom after you caught a glimpse of your ex dancing with another girl. 

You may say you don't remember, but I don't think I'll ever forget what you said to me as you wiped away your snot and dried your black mascara tears on my new, white, linen pants from H&M. Through the muffled sobs and anguished squeals, I distinctly heard two words escape your mouth, as clear as Rose McGowan's dress at the 1998 MTV VMAs.

"He's winning." 

Now, as your friend, I feel that it's my duty to tell you a few things. First, I should tell you that this breakup isn't a contest because there are no winners in a breakup—just two people with broken hearts. I should also tell you that you need to focus on moving on, and that you shouldn't torture yourself by keeping tabs on what your ex is doing. And finally, I should tell you that I wear size 30x32, and that I expect a new pair of pants by the end of the week.

Yes, I should say all those things—there's just one hitch. If this breakup is a competition, then that means that I'm on your side.

And my team never loses.

So you know what? You need to do like Zac Efron and get your head in the game. Because we can still win this! You've got the power, you've got the resources, and Lord knows you've got the sexiest male cheerleader in the world! All you need is some focus.

Just remember— winning a breakup is all about how much better you appear to be handling your newly single status than your ex is, and how much you can make him wish that he'd never let you go. 

Want to see if you've got a shot at getting a gold medal in the 2010 Summer Olymp-Ex? Well let's take a peek at the judges' scorecard and see. 

1. You leave your status on Facebook as "in a relationship" for more than a day or two. (-15)

2. You get a bunch offers from guys the moment people find out you're single. (+25)

3. Outsiders view him as "the villain" in the breakup. (+50)

4. You leave up a Facebook profile picture of the two of you for longer than a few days. (-20)

5.  You text him to see what he's up to.  (-15 per text)

6. You badmouth him to other people. (-15)

7.  You drunk-dial him… 

      a.  after a night out at a party or club.  (-20)

      b.  after a night spent in your bedroom. (-40)

8. You bother his friends to find out if he's starting seeing someone new. (-30)

9. You maintain a good relationship with his family. (+10)

      Bonus: His Mom asks him why he let you get away. (+40)

10. The weight you gained during the relationship…

      a.  is quickly lost, leaving you looking more radiant than ever. (+25)

      b.  is added to by your strict regimen of eating your feelings three times a day. (-25)

11. You run away if you see him close by. (-10)

12. You have an impressive success/achievement that he'll likely hear about. (+30 per achievement)

13. You notice him checking you out at a party. (+20)

      Bonus: You're dancing with another guy at the time. (+5)

14. You're the first to go on a date/hook up with someone else. (+30)

      Bonus: the new guy is more attractive than your ex. (+20)

      Double Bonus: the new guy is also one of his friends. (+40)

15. You wear old clothes that he left behind. (-20)

16. If you run into him, you…

      A.  awkwardly stutter like Miley did the last time she freaked out. (-15)

      B.  pretend you didn't see him and walk away. (-20)

      C.  have an emotional breakdown. (-40)

      D.  exchange pleasantries before confidently walking off. (+20)

17. You/your team beat(s) him/his team in a competition. (+35)

18. You post Facebook statuses that…

      A.  are thinly veiled references about how depressed your breakup has left you. (-15)

      B.  blatantly refer to your ex and your situation. (-30) 

19. He starts seeing someone else before you do. (-20)

      Bonus: but you're noticeably more attractive and intelligent than she is. (+30)

      Anti-bonus: but then you confront her like a jealous wackjob. (-30)   

20. He asks you to take him back. (+60)

      Bonus: You reject the offer… (+40)

      Final Bonus: …because you've genuinely moved on. (+200) 
 

ADD IT UP FOR YOUR BREAKUP SCORE!

More than 300 = Jennifer post-Brad: You're powerful, single, and not afraid to mingle. Tell your ex to have fun with that crazy chick who used to wear blood around her neck.

100 to 295 = Kathryn Bigelow post-James Cameron: Not only did you win your breakup, but the Academy agrees. Rub that Oscar in your ex's face.

-95 to 95 = Reese post-Ryan: You're moving on with your life, but breakups are always hard. It's okay to take some time to adjust.

-295 to -100 = Britney post-Justin:  Your ex appears to have won, launching a successful solo career and scoring with numerous Hollywood hotties. Well at least you still have your looks.

Less than 300 = Britney post-K-Fed. Your wannabe-rapper ex gained a ton of weight and is a living joke. And you still lost. This is just embarrassing. I think it's about time I pick a new team to root for.

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The "Hook-Up at Home" Guide: From Old Flames to Horny Next-Door Neighbors

Just when you thought you would never see the ghosts of your high school hook-up past again, you do. The funny thing about summer break is that everyone has it, leading to a repopulation of your hometown with every single boy from your pre-college days. How stressful!
 
Luckily, we can break down the overly complicated romantic situations of every single one of your high school conquests (or defeats) into generic straightforward categories that your idle summer brain will be able to process easily, each rated with cute faces that will guide you to the right decision: to hookup, or not to hookup?
 
Just follow these simple ratings and you will navigate the land mine of hometown guys with ease:

• Ticking Time Bomb: going to probably blow-up in your face and ruin the whole summer so save yourself the pain while you can.
• One Time Thing: strictly convenient for a random lonely night, so use discretion.
• A Gamble: will most likely get messy when fall semester starts so establish boundaries early to make sure you are on the same page.
• Good Luck: go for it but keep it carefree, fun, and casual.
   

The Neighborhood Bike 
Some of you might be as fortunate as Taylor Swift to have an unbelievably hot next-door neighbor who reciprocates your crush in a less-strange way than carrying around a folded piece of paper that says "I Love You," and the occasional late-night booty call over the summer is to be expected.
 

And besides, we all know you look like this lounging around the house anyway…
 
The great thing about a next-door neighbor hook up is you can just shrug and tell your parents he occasionally walks into the wrong house and accidentally falls asleep in your bed. Everyone knows boys aren't that smart; it's a great excuse. Rating: 

The Serious Old Flame
You run into your high school boyfriend of two years at the local coffee shop and after some awkward small talk ("How's school been?" "Good, you?" "Good."), he suggests getting together for a casual dinner to catch up and says you should call him sometime. This is tricky territory HC readers, because we know you will be extremely tempted to call him when you are lying in bed and remembering all the good times you had together cuddling and how sexy he looked in just a simple white t-shirt.
 
Whether you just want to have some good conversation with him again or are longing for that special bedroom trick only he knows how to do, you will probably convince yourself a simple dinner date seems so harmless – and who cares if things get a little steamy again during the summer? The great thing about summer is that it has an official ending, right? Wrong. The two of you broke up for a reason and it is much easier to remember the good times and forget the bad when you get lonely at home. Starting something with an old flame is not anything like having a carefree summer fling since you already have so much history together. Rating:
 

The Boy You Never Spoke to Before but is Suddenly Extremely Good Looking
 
Remember that boy in high school who seemed really nice but nothing too special? Well there he is again at the local bar but now he seems so… different. A little more confidence, a toned body, a new haircut, and a nice summer tan has transformed the "nothing special" nice-boy from high school into the McDreamy of your boring hometown. Sitting down next to him, you strike up conversation like old friends and reminisce about the quaintness of high school and how college has made you more mature or whatever, and ask playfully why you guys were never friends in high school since you get along so well now.
 

Not as orange or as 1982 workout video, but you get the idea.
 
You exchange numbers and the summer suddenly shines so brightly in your minds-eye. It seems like there is nothing to lose: you have enough in common to perpetuate conversation on dates and there is still enough mystery to keep things interesting. Rating:
 

The Rando from that One Party Sophomore Year
 
We all share at least one memory: the one out-of-control suburban house party in high school where everyone who is anyone attended, with people skinny dipping in the pool, throwing around the host's valuables, and drawing on the family cat with permanent marker. Just change the town and the people and it's the same party. There was that guy who you always flirted with in your Spanish class and when you both grabbed for the same Keystone Light your hands gently touched.
 
The moments before you started making out were probably something like this.
 
One thing led to another and suddenly you are making out on a couch next to a passed out kid that no one knows with the taste of stale beer mingling in your mouth. The next Spanish class you smile at each other but otherwise pretend like it never happened – you anxiously wonder if he even remembers it happened – and that's that. Flash forward four years and he spontaneously writes on your Facebook wall, and since you have been intimate before it is possible a reconnection could escalate very quickly. Rating:
 

Follow this simple guide anytime you are consider mingling with men from your past and you will have a summer jam-packed full of excitement that's laced with just enough common sense to make yourself proud. 

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Meet the Parents: How to win over your boyfriend's parents!

We all remember how catastrophic Ben Stiller was when he met his fiancé's parents in Meet the Parents. He was a nice guy, yet for some reason kept bombing in every instance. Since it's summer time, it might mean a visit to your significant other's hometown. HC knows the experience can be totally nerve-racking. To ensure you don't break any urns or kill any family pets, HC is here to help you calm your anxiety and woo the 'rents!
 
What you'll wear: Even if working out at the gym has your body in perfect shape, don't flaunt every part of it. We're not saying hide your body, but if you were thinking of tiny skirts, bare midriffs or tight tanks, we say skip them.
 
Always stay conservative. Your dresses and skirts should be fingertip length and appropriate for the occasion. If it is a family dinner, a simple knee-length dress or dark jeans and a nice blouse should be appropriate. If it is a more formal occasion, consider something that is figure-flattering but not too short and tight. Once you've chosen your outfit, wipe away your highlighter neon pink nail polish and go for a red, pink or clear polish. Though the color of your nails shouldn't be a problem, you don't want to give the parents an excuse to criticize you. Since some parents might not understand the latest trends, be classy and leave the super trendy outfits for time with your friends- or at least for when you've gotten to know the parents a little better. 
 
For makeup, you want to look good but keep it as natural as possible. According to SheKnows.com, you should wear a light foundation that matches your skin color. Don't cake it on! Add a bit of mascara, pink blush and lip-gloss and you should be good.  While it's important to do all this, definitely do not hide your personality while getting dressed! Its okay to wear things that reflect who you are, so don't take off your anklet, name plate necklace, or headband if they are part of your wardrobe. Whether you're preppy or hippie, just pick something that matches your style but is appropriate. It isn't Halloween, so rather, think going to church with your grandma – not AS your grandma.
 
For instance if you're meeting his parents at a family dinner party, rather than pulling Cameron or Posh's outfit, try something softer and appropriate like What I wore's Jessica Schroeder. You can't help but love her with the color of her dress paired with her smile!  Remember, they're going to the MTV awards, you're meeting the parents.
  

How they'll perceive you: This is a worry for lots of girls. However, instead of thinking "are they going to like me?" think the opposite, says Patti Feinstein, America's Dating Coach. "Ask yourself if this is a family you want to be in. Don't let them assess you. Assess them!" Thinking like this will calm your nerves. Just as much as the family is curious about you, you should be about them. Your boyfriend is a product of this family, so really see if this is a family you could see yourself visiting and being in.  Remind yourself that you're a great woman with many achievements and that there is no reason they shouldn't like you.  Feeling confident is one of the biggest keys to making a good impression, so make sure to pump yourself up for the encounter.  Plus, if your boyfriend is willing to let you meet his parents, that's a good sign already! "Be yourself and have good manners, because you don't want to give off false impressions. And if you're not yourself the first time you won't be able to be yourself around them later in your relationship" says Meaghan Boegel, a junior at St. Joesph's University in Pennsylvania.
 
For conversation: Ask your boyfriend about his parents before you get there and do some research. Feinstein suggests having something to say about where they live and staying away from topics like politics and religion.  "If they live in Omaha, Nebraska, google Omaha and have something interesting to say" says Feinstein. Though the family will probably have a lot to talk to you about, being prepared will allow you to have an icebreaker at any point when the conversation lulls into an awkward silence.  
If you are asked an uncomfortable question, remain neutral. For example, if a parent says "I'm against homosexuals having the right to marriage" and you disagree, remember that some parents may not be as open-minded as our generation today and are very rooted in their beliefs. Try to shrug, or say something vague like "well, to each their own" and move on- definitely do not start an argument.If the parents are conservative Catholics and you are not, and they ask about your religion, say you weren't raised Catholic but make it clear that you are open-minded and do not oppose the views of Catholicism, assuming this is true. 
 

 
Yet, in the beginning "keep the conversation light, such as sports, weather, school, etc. You can get deeper down the road (if it lasts that long!)" advises Kathleen Bogle, professor and author of Hooking Up: Sex, Dating.
 
Your manners: If there is one thing to remember from this article, this is it. Smile, say please and thank you and don't be sloppy! If you're going out to a nice dinner, try to avoid ordering foods that require your hands to eat like burgers and pizza- just to make it easier on yourself. Avoid drinking alcohol to avoid feeling lightheaded or risking getting out of hand and saying something you might regret later.  "Unless everyone is drinking at a bar-b-q or something – including his mom, stay away from alcohol. If everyone is drinking, it's ok to take a beer or glass of wine to be polite" says Feinstein.  Lastly, do little things like picking up your plate, offering to set the table and helping the mother with the dishes. It might be small, but the parents will notice.
 

Meeting parents is hard. Meeting your boyfriend's parents is even harder because you want the people closest to the person you care about so much to accept you. Remember to be strong, confident, and well-mannered beginning when you ring the doorbell. If you're a good person, it will show, so don't worry too much!
 
Sources:
Meaghan Boegel, a junior at St. Joesph's University
 
Kathleen Bogle, Professor of Sociology and Criminal Justice at La Salle University and author of Hooking Up: Sex, Dating
 
Kerri Ellis, author of Meet the Parents on SheKnows.com, http://www.sheknows.com/articles/804609/what-to-wear-when-meeting-your-boyfriends-parents
 
Patti Feinstein, Relationship Expert/America's Dating Coach
 
Jessica Schroeder, www.whatiwore.tumblr.com

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Foods that Fuel the Libido – Ten Natural Aphrodisiacs

We've all heard of over-the-counter stimulants that increase your sex drive, but not many college students are popping these pills willingly and without significant forethought. Is there a way to enhance your boyfriend and your sex life sans the same pill your 75-year-old grandfather swears by?  There are indeed natural solutions or additions, if you will, to your sex life.  The following list brings a whole new meaning to the word foodgasm.

1. Honey

Honey is known as the nectar of Aphrodite, the Greek Goddess of sexual love and beauty.  Honey is a great source of B vitamins, which are needed for the production of testosterone.  Honey also contains boron, which helps the body metabolize and use estrogen.
 
2. Celery
 
Boys should listen up. Sweating after eating celery acts as a pheremone that arouses women.  Androsterone, a male hormone found in celery, is said to stimulate this arousal. The Romans noticed the effects of celery, even dedicating the vegetable to Pluto, the "god of sex." Feed your boy some celery and watch to see if he becomes any more attractive (if that's even possible, of course!).

3. Tuna

Tuna contains B3 vitamins, which cause your blood to dilate and can help those who have trouble "getting it up". B3 also increases one's sense of touch, enhances orgasms, and improves a guy's erection.  Other sources of B3: salmon, halibut, peanuts, mushrooms, asparagus, broccoli, and lean cuts of turkey, beef tenderloin, and lamb tenderloin.
 
4. Garlic
 
Yes, that's right. Garlic. I know--it's hard to reconcile, considering everyone knows to avoid it on a date.  But, alas, garlic has more than just one, albeit stinky face.  According to the priestesses of ancient Rome, garlic was capable of making women fall in love and men powerful.  And there is some truth to it—garlic increases blood circulation and can aid in sexual performance.

5. Vanilla

Take it from the experts at the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago.  According to them, the scent and taste of vanilla increases blood flow in the penis.  Try pulling out the vanilla candles, spraying on the perfume, or just inviting Ben & Jerry into the bed. 

6. Avocado

The Aztecs themselves dubbed the avocado tree, "testicle tree".  In addition to its appearance, the avocado increases libido in both men and women.  For men, the avocado's high vitamin B6 content increases hormone production.  For women, the avocado's high potassium content regulates the thyroid gland.

7. Oysters

Raw oysters are high in zinc, which aids in increasing the production of testosterone and sperm.  Oysters also contain the hormone dopamine, which is said to increase libido.  Other sources of dopamine: almonds, avocados, bananas, dairy products, lima beans, pumpkin seeds, and sesame seeds.

8. Watermelon
 
This highly hydrating sweet fruit is more than a poolside treat; in fact, it can mimic the effects of Viagra.  This is largely due to its citrulline and arginine content.  These substances incite the production of nitric oxide in the body, relaxing the body's blood vessels. Other sources: meats, fish, eggs, milk, edamame, and other legumes.
 
9. Chocolate
 
If chocolate had any physiological, as opposed to psychological, aphrodisiacal properties, the explanation would be in its chemical content of tryptophan and phenylethylamine.  Tryptophan is a building block of serotonin, a brain chemical involved in sexual arousal.  Phenlethylamin (aka the "love chemical") is released when people fall in love and it peaks during orgasm.  The effects of these chemicals in chocolate are said to be too small to make a noticeable difference. I say we ignore that last bit and eat up, ladies.

10. Basil

Around the world, basil has been associated with love and sex.  In Italy, basil is called "kiss me Nicholas" (bacia-nicola) and is thought to attract husbands to wives. According to Moldavian folklore, a man is expected to fall in love with the woman from whom he accepts a sprig of basil.  Scientific justification: basil has a warming effect on the body and promotes circulation.
 
Experiment! 
 
Why not cook your beau a fabulous dinner ridden with all of nature's hidden aphrodisiacs? See if you can pull it off all in one meal. Perhaps the allure of their sexual properties will prove arousing enough? Oysters with chocolate-honey sauce served on watermelon slices, anyone? 
 
Sources 
 
http://www.naturalhealthnbeauty.com/vitamin_B3.htm 
 
http://www.smellandtaste.org/ 
 
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/857505/viagra_in_fruit_form_watermelon_is.html 
 
http://www.eatsomethingsexy.com/aphrodisiac/celery.htm 
 
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0EIN/is_2000_Feb_1/ai_59107872/ 
 
http://www.livescience.com/health/top10_aphrodisiacs-1.html 
 
http://www.tstonramp.com/~soaringspirit/html/little_known_facts_1.html 
 
http://www.lovecarnival.com/aphrodisiac/

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The Best Gifts For Guys – We Tracked Them Down

Remember that episode from season 1 of Gossip Girl when Serena got Dan a really expensive watch for Christmas and he actually made her return it? Finding a gift for your significant other is hard. You have to pick out something in the acceptable price range that's appropriate for the occasion, and also make sure it's something special, something he'll appreciate.
 
On top of that, boys don't like "stuff" in general. I helped my guy friend pack for the summer a couple weeks ago, and literally all he had was clothes, a laptop, a basketball and contact solution. Even the people stuck on an island in Lost have more belongings than he does. Guys don't seem to care for anything beyond basic survival essentials, and there's nothing romantic about giving your boyfriend shaving cream and video games (obviously a necessity).
 
They say, "it's the thought that counts," and it's true. It's established that boys don't perform close readings of text messages like we do, but they will think about the gift you give them, and show it off to their friends if it's good. The key to getting your guy the perfect gift is not spending tons of money or trying to think up the most convoluted romantic gesture until your head explodes. Get him something simple and thoughtful to show that you care and that you've been listening.
 
The gift represents to him what you think he wants, and remember, guys are practical creatures. Ideally, you should get him something he's been meaning to get for himself—if he's been talking about that new David Sedaris book due in October, preorder it for him on Amazon; if he's into the World Cup but is too busy investment banking 90 hours a week at his internship, tape the most exciting games for him and add a cute card. This is a chance to show him how well you know him, and you should only give him something homemade if you know you are capable of DIYing something besides a mess or a fire (unlike me). If nothing particular comes to mind, here are a few guidelines for picking out the perfect gift for your guy.
 
Mr. Frat Daddy
 
He's super fratty and he loves guy things. The only things he seems to care about besides you and schoolwork is beer (preferably shotgun) and ESPN. Chick flicks work better than Valium to make him fall asleep, and his diet is comprised of wings and cheeseburgers and he thinks fries are a vegetable. His heroes include Andy Samberg, MacGruber and Keith Stone from Keystone commercials, and his favorite quote on Facebook is "This is SPARTAAAA!"
 
Don't buy him anything too fancy, and keep your romantic gestures straightforward.
Also, stay away from mini beer kegs and hot sauce of the month; you are his girlfriend, not his frat bro.
 
Beatles Rock Band ($53) —a classy game that's fun for guys and girls.

 
Classic Shaving Set (28.95) – get him something a little bit fancier than what he's used to. It's intimate and luxurious, ideal for those in a stable long-term relationship.
 
A watch (Swatch, $65) – although most men don't wear bow ties and suspenders around (unless you're dating Larry King), a watch is an acceptable functional accessory that he can wear everyday and think of all the wonderful time you guys spent together.

 
Beanie (Nike, $14)—another accessory a guy's guy would wear.

 

Mr. Hipster
 
His room is rather tasteful for a guy, and he doesn't hate shopping! He's also up-to-date on the latest gadgets and has great taste in music, art books, and he likes all the New Age-y buzz—herbal drinks, Moleskine notebooks, hummus, Banksy, converses, Radiohead…(wait, this is a list of its own!)
 
Desktop drum set (Drumbum, $24) —they accessorize his desk and are also fun to tap on when he's thinking. Perfect if he's a music fan.
 
projection clock (Oregon Scientific, $30): if he's into gadgets. These alarm clocks project the time onto the ceiling at night so he wouldn't have to roll over to check the time. It'll also wake him up every morning, and some models allow you to record a personal greeting.

 
iPad cover ($19): personalize his favorite gadget! It's fun and not too expensive, you can even give it to your crush to show interest.

 
Wallet (Fendi, $249): everyone needs a wallet. Guys like sleek designs and darker colors, and prefer leather (not patent leather) over most other materials.  Though you probably shouldn't spring for this Fendi one, there are many nice, cheaper wallets too.

 
 
Mr. Preppy
 
He's a real-life Nate Archibald. You love everything from his polo shirts to his heart-throbbing lacrosse skills. You are in luck, your man has great taste and appreciates fashion more than most other guys, and shopping for him may not require a trip to Sharper Image. Yay!
 
Bathrobe ($75, Ralph Lauren): My friend loved it when his girlfriend got him a bathrobe, and if you've been dating for a while, go for it. Otherwise avoid for the mildly suggestive connotations.

 
Scarf (Burberry, $295): A beanie is just a hat, but a scarf is a fashion statement. Dark blue, black, or rugby (as long as it's pink-free) are typical guy colors.

 
Gloves (Timberland, $15): Great especially if you go to school in the Northeast. Good gift for new couples.

 
Sweater (Lacoste, $155): a safe choice for the beginning of a relationship. Tip: sneak into his closet to figure out his size for the brand you're buying from.

 
Mr. Driven
 
Call him a nerd, a workaholic, but the man knows what he wants in the future. He's super smart and crazy good at everything he does, and he's devoted, too. He dreams big and isn't afraid to pursue it. He's not exactly into material things, but it doesn't mean we can't find a perfect gift for him.
 
Leather portfolio (Siskiyou, $54) – is he stressed out for interview season? Calm his nerves with this so he appears sharp and confident for Goldman Sachs.

 
North Face Jacket ($30 - $500) – a winter necessity that's also waterproof, reversible and fashionable.

 
Sunglasses ($155, RayBan) – everyone needs sunglasses. Go for classic but still eye-popping shapes, such as the Ray Ban Wayfarer.

 
Magazine subscription—it sounds a little strange but my friend got a subscription for Fortune and really liked it (he's an aspiring Fortune 500 CEO). You can also get a customized gift message if you subscribe for him online. Good gift for someone fresh out of the friend zone since it's thoughtful but not too personal.
 
And remember, always write a cute note card to tell him what the gift means to you and him. It's one thing to give him a camera, but it's so much more memorable if you tell him you want him to use it to record his last year before graduation and you hope to be in many of the photos. Also, make sure the amount of money you spend is sensible. Keep it within the price range of the most recent gift you got from him; if you've never received anything from him before, keep it under $50.

As a bonus, here's some advice from real guys to keep in mind
 
"Birthday sex is nice, but if that's all you get for your boyfriend, some of us might be offended. A gift from you is special and represents what you think of us and what you think we need, and there's a reason you're our girlfriend instead of our hook up buddy." –Ben, Senior, UCLA
 
"Don't buy pants in general. Believe it or not, loose jeans need to fit too, they need to be tried on."—Adam, Sophomore, UPenn
 
"Don't mock us. If all of his friends make fun of him for being metro, don't get him a Vineyard Vines tie. If you know he's a hardcore nerd, don't get him The Big Bang Theory DVDs." – Ian, Junior, UCLA
 
"My ex-girlfriend once got me a Team Edward t-shirt. It wasn't funny. AT ALL."—Jimmy, Sophomore, Cornell
 
"Get us something that'll last, something we can keep around and think of you when we see it." -- So if you want to cook/bake for him, take lots of pictures!—John, Junior, Stanford
 
"Don't make us girly decorations to hang in the room. We'd be too embarrassed to hang them but we don't want to disappoint you, so my roommate ended up taking it down and putting it up every time his girlfriend was over all last semester."—Sam, Junior, Stanford
 
Have fun shopping!

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Her Gay Best Friend: Flirting with Disaster

Being your friend is a job that comes with certain responsibilities and obligations.

For example, on a shopping trip, I know I'll have to stand next to you for an hour or so while you browse in Forever 21, even though they have no men's clothing and the mannequins remind me of evil, robot prostitutes. And I've accepted that I have to give you feedback on your outfit each day, even though you never listen to my opinions anyway and continue to wear leggings that clash with your skirt.

One of my most important duties as a friend, however, is to act as a sympathetic ear to your relationship troubles. When you've got boyfriend drama on your hands, it's my job to take those hands, scrub them 'til they're nice and clean, and then say, "How can he be so ridiculous? Come on. Let's go to a club and grind until you forget all about it."

But, as my former manager at Cold Stone knew all too well, I'm not always very good at doing my job. And while I know I'm expected to side with you in all of your relationship conflicts and tell you how jealous and emotionally immature your boyfriend is, there are certain situations when all I want to say is that he's, well, right.

Yes, there are many times when you feel that your boyfriend is simply insecure about your relationship when really it's your behavior that is causing the trouble. You say it's him that's being overprotective, him that's being paranoid, him that's being as spoiled and selfish as the seven-year-old child of a music producer.

Actually it's just you being a flirt.

That's right. A flirt. A tease. A blue-baller. Sometimes the way you interact with men suggests that you crave attention from the opposite sex like Lindsay Lohan craves a strong authority figure that will finally tell her "no." 

You may not even realize you're doing it. But every giggle, wink, and touch you share with another man reminds your boyfriend of all the giggles, winks, and touches that you used to win him over. Granted, every word you exchange with another guy shouldn't send your boyfriend over the edge, but some things you might think are innocent may actually be giving your boyfriend--and the guy you're talking to--the wrong idea.

To help make it easier to tell harmless from harlot and avoid any future conflict, here's a guide to some flirtatious behaviors that might land you in some hot water with your man. 

The cute voice

I still haven't figured out why, but when a girl talks to a guy she likes, her voice immediately jumps up an octave or two into what I like to call "Hillary Duff range." I suppose it's a woman's subtle way of saying, "I'm adorable, lovable, and totally datable. Not like all those other bitches you've been talking to..."

So when you have a boyfriend and use that voice, the likely interpretation for the guy you're talking to is, "I'm adorable, lovable, and totally datable. My boyfriend certainly thinks so. What about you?"

You can see how this might cause a problem. Granted, this is all based on interpretation and implication, so your boyfriend really doesn't have that much concrete evidence to use against you.

Flirt Score: 2 
 

Going out to the movies/dinner

This is some murky territory because to you this could seem more inconsequential than Kendra Baskett announcing her candidacy for public office. Spending the night out with a good guy friend that you likely had before your relationship even started--where could the trouble be in that?

But just ask yourself the following questions:

Is this guy ugly?

Is this guy gay?

Is this guy a eunuch?

I see…and do you remember what happened the last time you went out to dinner with a good-looking straight guy who had full use of his penis? If I remember correctly, dinner was followed by some especially delicious dessert.

The dinner might be harmless, but don't be surprised if your boyfriend thinks otherwise. If your boyfriend knows the guy or has hung out with him a few times, there shouldn't be that big of a problem, but don't go to a fancy feast with some dude he's never met.  If you really want to play it safe, just cover all bases and make it a group outing.

For some reason, boyfriends never seem to worry about the possibility of an orgy.

Flirt Score: 5

Sexing yourself up for other guys

When you doll yourself up for a night out, I understand that it's more for you than for anyone else. You want to feel confident when you walk into a room, like you could strut right up to Heidi Klum and say, "I look way hotter than you. And by the way, I can totally see your stretch marks from all those Seal pups you've birthed."

Frankly, I applaud your brazen attitude. It's a rare woman these days who is willing to cross a supermodel (especially after what's happened to all the personal assistants who dared to cross Naomi Campbell).

But when you head out to a party or club without your boyfriend and you're a millimeter of fabric away from giving the room a show, that's less about your confidence and more about your yearning for the sweet sound of every man's jaw dropping to the floor.

If you're going out without your boyfriend, think about being a little more conservative in your dress. You don't have to wear a habit, but at least make sure both nipples are covered.

Flirt Score: 7

Dirty Dancing

If you go out to said party or club and you've managed to look attractive without testing the boundaries of your district's indecent exposure charges, don't give yourself a pat on the back just yet. Because while you're at the club, it is still very important that you, under no circumstances, never do the following:

Grind on another dude's junk.

I'm serious about this one. You may be a little cross with your man for staying in, but his absence is not a valid reason to find another man to get nasty with--or rather, to be grammatically correct, with whom to get nasty. When you have a boyfriend, no other male genitals are allowed to come into contact with your body.

Especially in a repetitive, gyrating motion.

Just dance with your girls for the time being. Your boyfriend would probably prefer that image anyway.

Flirt Score: 9

I know that sometimes in a relationship you feel the other person is just being unreasonable . But your man, despite his tough exterior, is a sensitive soul. And when his insecurities tell him that he might not be everything you're looking for, he'll latch onto your questionable behaviors and make something where you feel nothing exists.

So do him a favor. Cut down on your extra-curricular flirting. The only man you should be flirting with is yours.

And me of course. No matter how hard you grind on my junk, ain't nothing gonna happen.

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How to REALLY Lose a Guy (in 10 Days): 6 Dating Don'ts

It's been seven years since rom-com queen Kate Hudson left tampons in Matthew McConaughey's apartment in "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". As a young teen, you watched Andie give Ben a love fern, drag him to a Celine Dion concert and you swore you'd never make the same mistakes. Now that you can fit into Andie's stilettos, you know not to make obvious mistakes from the movie like giving your date a tiny dog. But Andie lived in a world without texts, Twitter and Facebook so we'll pick up where she left off. It is far too easy to lose a guy if you aren't careful, but Her Campus is here to help you navigate the rocky waters of the dating pool with our list of the Top 6 Dating Don'ts.
 
Announcing Your Love to the World
Slow down girlfriend — don't change that relationship status on Facebook quite yet. If you write mushy things on his wall or change your status to "In a Relationship" too soon, he might try to back out. Putting yourself out there online nowadays means that his friends, your friends and even his grandma might see it before he's had the chance to even figure out if he wants to go on a second date. Elizabeth Lilly, a UNC-Chapel Hill 2010 graduate, says she had a Facebook friend whose lovey-dovey updates were filling up her News Feed. "She kept updating her status with over-the-top statements like 'I found true love' and 'I love him.' It was probably scaring her new boyfriend to death, let alone all his friends," Lilly says. Needless to say, Lilly said her friend did not have a boyfriend for long. Keep it simple and private with text messages or Facebook messages until you're sure he's a keeper.
 
Texting too much
You will get carpal tunnel and a broken heart if you send him texts all day and all night. Rising sophomore Chris Molina, Old Dominion University, says: "I really don't like when a girl is controlling and sends me a play-by-play of her whole day."If you try to communicate with a guy every spare moment of your life, he may think you don't have one. Patrick Williams, a rising junior at UMass Amherst, says you should never text him every night to hang out. You don't want a boy thinking that you are too desperate and can't make plans of your own. Instead put the BlackBerry down and enjoy a night out with your girls.
 
Using Pet Names
Honey, sweetie and lover are all perfectly good pet names when used sparingly and in private. But guys can groan at pet names even when their long-time girlfriends use them. Don't even think about calling him "baby" right away. Nicknames signify closeness and intimacy — something you probably don't have yet after going to dinner and the movies once. Daniel Gonzalez, a rising senior at Virginia Tech, says "Nicknames are not good. Names that should be animals must stay as animals." Until you two are tight, save terms of endearment for your best friends and your puppy.
 
The Ex Factor
This one should be obvious. But too often I have had my guy friends at UNC-Chapel Hill tell me that their date briefly mentioned an ex on a first date or second date. The purpose of the date should be to get to know the other person, not their baggage. You would probably feel threatened if your date mentioned how green hisex's eyes were so don't make this mistake. Even if you are trashing your ex, don't do it! You don't want your date to think he'll have to watch out for slashed car tires if your relationship goes sour. There should be plenty of things for you two to talk about so pick a different topic and chat away.
 
Meet the Parents
There's a reason Ben Stiller made a funny movie about this situation: it's awkward no matter your age. Dave Howard, a rising sophomore at East Carolina University, says he hates to meet a girl's parents when he's barely gotten to know her. Meeting the parents is a pretty big step and he may think you're more serious about dating or a relationship than he is. Instead of inviting him along when your parents make a campus visit, make plans to see him right after. Wait until you're serious to make the introduction—that way you can prepare your boy to be quizzed by the family and he won't freak out.
 
Getting Serious Too Fast
Before you start planning out the next few years of your relationship with your dream date, take two steps back. Dave from ECU says talking about the distant future or about getting married is a sure way to scare him off. If you've just met a guy, he's probably thinking about where he'll take you for dinner, not where you'll get married. It's tempting to daydream about the future with a guy you really like, but make sure it stays a daydream for now. Most guys just don't think about the long term until they've really fallen for a girl so wait it out and with luck he'll feel the same later.
 
Sources
 
Daniel Gonzalez, Virginia Tech, rising senior
 
Dave Howard, East Carolina University, rising sophomore
 
Chris Molina, Old Dominion University, rising sophomore
 
Elizabeth Lilly, University of North Carolina 2010 graduate
 
Patrick Williams, UMass Amherst, rising junior

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Long Distance Love: What to do when summer sparks stop flying

It starts slowly—texts become less frequent or maybe he forgets to call and say goodnight.  Your phone, which you previously considered an extra limb, is sitting ignored in the passenger's seat while you hit the beach with your BFFs.  As July rounds the corner, and you nervously refresh your Facebook page wondering "Why hasn't he written on my wall?" you realize you've found yourself in the opposite of the steamy summer romance you've always dreamed about. You are in a long distance relationship, and it's fizzling out faster than the leftover soda from Memorial Day.
Don't panic, and back away from your Facebook. It's time to stop refreshing his page and waiting for September.  If your long distance relationship needs reigniting—whether it's with last year's hook-up or your long-term boyfriend who's away for the summer—all it takes is a little effort. Here are four fun ways to light the Fourth of July sparkler in your man's heart.

E-mails Are Nice but Letters Are Better
Just like Big won Carrie's heart by e-mailing volumes of love letters at the end of Sex and the City, you can win over your man. There's a reason Carrie fell head over heels, even after she was ditched at her wedding—love letters are undeniably romantic, but we don't live in a perfect world.  We live in a world where our inboxes are littered with ads for male enhancement and sexy housewives looking for some fun.  Are you comfortable with your declaration of love mingling with the three e-mails from that Saudi Arabian Prince? If you're looking to leave a big impression (no pun intended), don't settle for an impersonal e-mail. Pull out the stationery you saved from last birthday's thank you cards, and get to it.
"In this age of tweets and texts, it is nice to have some tangible form of showing that you care," says Her Campus writer Jessica Stringer. "I think it would be sweet to send each other postcards when you are away from each other. If you are away in Florida for two weeks, send him a postcard of Mickey Mouse. In the Big Apple? Find a postcard of Central Park."
For those of us spending the summer abroad, a postcard is a cute way to let your boy toy know what he's missing. For the rest of us who are at home, try this: write a letter listing twenty reasons why you miss him.  It's cheesy enough to make his heart melt like a popsicle.

Skype is a Savior
Seeing is believing, and when your man sees you through his webcam, he won't believe how much he misses you. In order to keep your relationship fresh, arrange a weekly date on Skype, but treat it like any other date.  Do your hair and makeup and wear your cutest dress.  You can even watch your favorite reality show together and instant message about the juiciest parts.
"I'm studying abroad in London and my boyfriend is in France. We video chat almost every night," says Her Campus writer Rachel Dozier. "It's hard at first, but eventually you get into a routine. We're also very fortunate to have the technology we do, just think about it a hundred years ago, I'd be lucky to get a letter!"
For extra points, video chat in your sexiest bikini.  Yes, it's a little silly, but it will leave him counting the days until the fall semester starts.

The Mix Tape
Throughout my dating career, I've mostly been attracted to musicians.  There's an allure to saying "I'm with the band," but this is a problem, and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Every summer that cute, sensitive guy, who wrote myriads of songs about our love, packed up his rickety van and hit the road. I'm not talking about moving, internships, or planning a day trip to your parents' house; I'm talking about tour—a different city every night. Your man will most likely be sleeping on a floor or in a car with no internet access, cell phone service, or connection to the free world.  It totally stinks.
To keep in touch with my boyfriend while he was on tour, I needed to be a little creative. I couldn't rely on a daily phone call, e-mails, or even letters because he wasn't staying in one place. Since most of his time was spent in a car—probably bored with a CD player, I made him a mix of our favorite songs.  The last song was a song I wrote about how much I would miss him.  He called me later that week to say it was the only thing that got him through missing home so badly—disgustingly cute, I know.
Just because your boyfriend isn't a road warrior and is spending most of his time at a boring summer job, it doesn't mean a mix tape is any less successful at turning him to mush.  Make sure to mix classics with silly songs to keep it flirty and fun—think "Eight Days a Week" by the Beatles with "He Could Be the One" by Hannah Montana.   After you make the mix, decorate the disk and case.  Utilize cute stickers, glitter, and lots of hearts. Then, write him a short note about how all those songs make you think of him. For an extra ounce of cliché (but a good cliché), spray the letter with perfume. It will help him remember what it was like to be next to you.

Small Surprises Make Him Miss You
My sister is the queen of long distance relationships.  Since she was old enough to date, she's never dated someone who's lived near-by.  One month during a surprise visit, I noticed her dorm room was looking more cluttered that usual. Normally an impossibly organized honors student, she must have somehow let the stress of an Ivy League take hold of her.  I proclaimed in a way that any concerned sister would, "What is all of this crap? Mom is going to kill you when she sees this." She coyly giggled and revealed that her long distance boyfriend sent her gifts when he was away—a cozy blanket, some trinkets, and a teddy bear large enough to crush a baby.  Immediately, I knew this: I like this guy and where can I get one?
As college students, money is always tight. We don't have the means to send our boyfriends expensive gifts or plane tickets to visit us, but small surprises still do the trick.  On your next visit, hide some love notes in the pockets of your boyfriend's favorite sweatshirt or book.  He's bound to find them later, and when he does, he will be thrilled.  Bake him his favorite cookies, and send them express; a happy stomach leads to a happy boyfriend.
Just because your crush is away for the summer doesn't mean a phone call is the only way to connect.  Get creative. Make him gifts and mix tapes, send him letters, and meet each other online for a quick date.  Remember, anything from the heart is sure to make your summer love spark even more. When September comes around, he'll be running to your dorm to tell you how happy he is that you're back.

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TV Doesn't Rot Your Brain!: Lessons To Learn in Love from Our Favorite TV Characters

I watch a fair amount of television. It gets prioritized over non-essential homework (but not prioritized over sleeping or going out). And over the years I've learned quite few things while sprawled out on the couch, in a snuggie, eating chips (wow, what a visual). I've learned how to spot elephantiasis–one of my favorite strange diseases. I've learned that you can achieve fame from being an obnoxious Apprentice contestant (Omarosa) or from singing a horrible song on American Idol (I'm looking at you William Hung). I've also learned some more important lessons. Full House taught me that any problem can be solved in a neat 30-minute episode (not to be confused with Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen's "we'll solve any crime by dinnertime" lesson). Grey's Anatomy told me to always figure out the career of your hook-ups so you can anticipate seeing them on the first day of work if necessary. And Hannah Montana taught me that anyone you know might be a popstar on the side.
 
Because of all the wonderful lessons that can be learned from television, I have compiled a list of some things you can learn from television shows—the dos and the don'ts of romance. Take note my friends...or you might end up like Marissa Cooper (or worse, Mischa Barton).
 
Lesson 1: How to Choose Between The Bad Guy and the Prep...er...Water Polo Player

 
The O.C. taught us a lot about love and life. Marissa Cooper was given the ultimate decision to make—the rich guy or the wrong-side-of-the-tracks guy. Luke, the water polo guy, was the ultimate rich snob; conceited and prestigious, a rather lethal combination. Luke taught us that until you are humbled by something like your father coming out of the closet, you're going to stay conceited and prestigious. Ryan, the Chino tough guy, taught us that once you teach a bad boy not to fight, he will be at your beck and call (probably looking to save you). Marissa chose the bad guys, but the only bad guys that worked out for her were the ones with actual potential (seen by Sandy Cohen's keen eyes). So don't judge a book by its cover because the 'bad guy' may actually be a good guy in disguise.
 
Hey Marissa, you know what bad guy didn't have potential? Volchok, who basically killed you
 
Lesson: Watch out for bad guys without potential. Ask Sandy Cohen, or another benevolent attorney from the public defender's office, if you aren't sure if he has potential to be a life-saving, UC: Berkley qualified stud like Ryan Atwood.
 
Other things you can learn from The O.C. —

• Giving the creepy nerd (Seth) who has a crush on you (Summer) a chance might end up for the best.
• Dating your boss (Seth and Alex) is something to be wary of.
• Don't date someone just because your mom advises you to (Marissa and Luke) or because she specifically advises you against it (Marissa and D.J./Alex/Ryan).

Lesson 2: A Relationship Based Purely on Sex Has Little Chance of Working in the Long Run

 
Guilty pleasure The Secret Life of the American Teenager is full of Brenda Hampton (creator of 7th Heaven) puritanical lessons. But one is actually legit. Adrian and Ricky (so hot.) have a relationship based on booty calls. Now, maybe you've had one of these, maybe you've watched your friend go through one of these "relationships." Regardless of how you know about them, you know what I'm talking about. Physically gratifying? Check! Emotionally gratifying? Um, not so much. Adrian and Ricky are not together right now. Sure they tried the whole emotions, love, dreaming of marriage thing. But it didn't work. And then Adrian became a huge ho and took another guy's virginity. But that's neither here nor there.
 
Lesson: If you're looking for love, don't start out with a booty-call-only relationship. Nine times out of ten you will end up alone in that bed as soon as he gets what he wants, not in a loving embrace. Fail.
 
Other things you can learn from Secret Life —

• Just because someone (Amy/Ricky) is having a baby with someone else, doesn't mean you can't have a fully functional relationship with them and their child (Ben, baby John).
• Use a condom.

Lesson 3: Get Over One Guy Before Moving On to the Next

 
Ah, Sex & The City, you taught us so much. I could go on and on about various lessons learned, but one sticks out in particular (possibly because it was revisited in the second movie). Carrie wasn't over Big...and instead of focusing on herself and really getting over him, she just moved on to the next guy. Not unique to Carrie, but Carrie showed us how badly this can end up—for you and your rebound guy. Carrie's rebound guy, the hunky Aidan, fell hard for her and ended up proposing. Remember the adorable Carrie and Aidan wedding? No you don't, because it never happened. Carrie broke poor Aidan's heart...because she still loved Big.
 
Lesson: If you want your next relationship to be healthy and successful, spend adequate time getting over your ex. Don't break someone else's heart so you can get over your own heartache.
 
Other things you can learn from S&TC — 

• Just because he comes from a good family, it doesn't mean you'll have sexual chemistry (Trey and Charlotte)
• Don't sleep with your married ex-boyfriend in his home, you may end up being chased out of the apartment by his wife, causing her to fall, and sending you to the hospital with her (Big, Natasha and Carrie)
• Not everyone tells you when they've found out they had an STD (Miranda).

Lesson 4: There's No Such Thing as a Casual Hook Up With Your Male BFF

To quote AIM profiles of your 7th grade past: "A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever"
 
Wow, insightful stuff there. But probably true as Dan Humphrey and Vanessa Abrams of Gossip Girl so gently taught us the night they engaged in a threesome with Hilary Duff...er…Olivia Burke.
 
Dan and Vanessa thought they could engage in a harmless (umm, no) threesome as per the NYU list of things to do before you graduate. (Sidenote: Her Campus found no other college lists mandating a threesome as things to do before you graduate. Way to be rebellious fictional version of NYU). After the fact Nate said you're always supposed to have the third person be a stranger. Silly Dan, don't put your BFFAEAE in the mix. Fortunately for them, after the awkwardness went away they ended up as a cute couple. But sometimes it doesn't work out so well and just sticks at awkward.
 
Lesson: Be mindful of what friends you decide to 'casually' hook up with. Once the line is crossed it can be hard to turn back. So think carefully, or don't take that umpteenth shot with your guy BFF.
 
Other things you can learn from Gossip Girl —

• Be careful with whom you lose your virginity with—you'll never get it back (Jenny and Chuck)
• When taking someone on 'the best date ever' be original and fun (Dan)
• Nothing good can come from sleeping with your ex-boyfriend's uncle (Blair).

Lesson 5: Be Careful Who You Get Into a Long Distance Relationship With

 
Oh how I miss the Jersey Shore and all it taught me (GTL anyone?). One incredibly important lesson reiterated in this show—be careful about doing the long distance thing. Hey Tom…when your girlfriend's promo on the show quotes her as saying "I am like a praying mantis, after I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off" and "I have a bad habit of playing little emotional games with men. When they date me it's cool in the beginning, we do our thing in the first month, and then I send them on a rollercoaster ride to hell"you can't be all that surprised when she gets down and dirty with Pauly D. Tom and JWoww should have had a conversation. Perhaps something like Tom saying "dancing to club music the way I have seen you do counts as cheating" and JWoww could say back "hey baby buy me all these clothes." Fun fact: They are still together. Other fun fact: I bet if this were you and your boyfriend, you probably wouldn't still be together. Unless he's kind of a schmuck.

 Lesson: Clarify cheating to your significant other—especially if they are long distance!
 
Other things you can learn from Jersey Shore —

• Never fall in love at the Jersey Shore (Ronnie and Sammi)
• Beware of stage five clingers (Pauly D)
• Few girls find begging attractive (The Situation).

So there you have it, legitimate things you can learn from TV. So sit back, catch some reruns, and the next time you're criticized for being a couch potato, just explain how much you can learn from watching other people on TV make mistakes!

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