The Sex Files: 5 Women Tell All - Part 2
Leila*, a 21-year-old senior at James Madison University
Number: 1
Q: What do you think about your number?
A: I love my number! My "one" is my fiancé, we're getting married next summer and I'm glad I can say that I've only been with him.
Q: What do you think guys would think of your number?
A: I've had other guys ask me about it, and they're always like, 'Dang, just one guy? Don't you want to see what else is out there?' My answer is always no — why do I need to? My fiancé and I have an amazing sex life! Just because they feel the need to have sex with multiple people doesn't mean that I do.
Q: How important are numbers to you in relationships?
A: My partner's number is the same as mine and that's really important to me. We've only been with each other, and that makes everything that much more special to me.
Q: Any other thoughts?
A: I never saw the need to make my number higher. To me, sex isn't something that you 'try out' with several people just to do it, it's something special to be valued.
Olivia*, an 18-year-old freshman at the University of Michigan
Number: 5
Q: What do you think of your number?
A: My number is just right for me, I've been sexually active for 2 years now so I don't think it's too high. I'm sure my parents would be shocked, but my friends and my sister would probably approve of my choices.
Q: What do you think guys would think of your number?
A: If a future partner took my past actions seriously enough to think differently of me, then that's not really someone that I want to be with. Men shouldn't be judging me on my personal decisions.
Q: How important are numbers to you in relationships?
A: I think the only thing that would phase me would be an outrageously high number, which might make me concerned for his health and my safety. But within a reasonable range, I think a guy's sexual history is his personal decision that I shouldn't have an opinion about.
Q: Any other thoughts?
A: I've considered sleeping with the same partners again when I want to have sex — not only for number purposes, but because sex is such an intimate act and I know I'm already comfortable in a sexual setting with those people.
Jackie*, a 21-year-old senior at Harvard University
Number: 8
Q: What do you think of your number?
A: My number is on the high side — it's the highest of my friends — but I don't have a problem with it because I don't regret any of the guys. They were all really hot and definitely 'catches' so I am proud of that.
Q: What do you think guys would think of your number?
A: I think boys might think my number is high, so I wouldn't want to share it with people at the risk of looking 'easy.' If I was really serious with a guy I would tell him, but never in the early stages of dating someone.
Q: How important are numbers to you in relationships?
A: I think it's better not to discuss numbers in relationships, at least not until you're really serious with someone. If it's brought up too soon, you run the risk of making your partner uncomfortable and it can be harder to tell if the person is telling the truth. And plus, no one wants to think about their partner having sex with someone else.
Q: Any other thoughts?
A: I lost my virginity to my high school boyfriend, and when we broke up, it was a really big deal to have sex with someone other than him. But once my number got to 4, I started being a lot less hesitant to have sex with someone new — now I view sex as just a part of hooking up, not as something that has to be super special in itself. It can still be romantic — I dated a guy last year where the sex was incredibly meaningful — but I've also hooked up with people where sex is only physical and fun.
Julia*, a 22-year-old senior at Bowdoin College
Number: 10
Q: What do you think of your number?
A: I'd say my number is higher than I'd like it to be because a lot of them were one-night stands, but I'm not ashamed. My number represents my active sex life, and I think having sex is healthy.
Q: What do you think your friends would think of your number?
A: My friends from home would probably think my number was low. People in my hometown were having sex in 7th grade, and my friends there are rather promiscuous. But at my college, a lot of people went to private school and started having sex much later, so my friends at school think that my number is on the high side.
Q: What do you think guys would think of your number?
A: I'm not sure what they'd think, but I'm not really concerned. My number shouldn't matter to them, and most guys have higher numbers than girls anyway.
Q: Any other thoughts?
A: I think talking about numbers can perpetuate the double standard [that it's good for boys to sleep with a lot of girls, but bad for girls to sleep with a lot of boys]. The Duke F**k List incident and how everyone called that girl a slut for hooking up with 13 people in college is just absurd – the guys she slept with probably had higher numbers than she did, but nobody talked about that.
*indicates that name has been changed
