Extreme Virginity: From No Touching to No Sucking, and Everything In Between - Part 3

In fact, some college women think practices that completely forbid sexual intimacy can be sexually repressive.  Alexis, a junior at the University of Maryland, says, "I don't think sex should be treated casually, but I do think that some degree of physical intimacy can be important in a romantic relationship. I think the intention of saving sex, or even any physical interaction, for marriage is based in really beautiful principles meant to enhance all other aspects of relationships.  But, especially in today's society where almost everything is sexualized, the idea seems antiquated and repressive."

The women who choose to abstain, however, disagree.

Rachel Wagley is a senior at Harvard and President of True Love Revolution (TLR), a student organization aimed at promoting abstinence.  

"People say 'no' to premarital sex so that they can say 'yes' to being married," Wagley says.  "Marriage requires fidelity all through life – and that means faithfulness before the first meeting as well. Pre-marital promiscuity is already being unfaithful. Those who are convinced of the importance of premarital abstinence have a lifelong vision of marriage, one that doesn't begin at the altar but begins in the heart long before."

For students like Rosemary—a Catholic and a Harvard Junior—who believes that "people should avoid doing things that are sexually arousing," everything from dancing like Shakira to dressing like, well, Shakira is under scrutiny.   Pressures to drink, dance, kiss, and flirt—if not sleep with—members of the opposite sex can create a unique set of obstacles for extreme virgins uncomfortable with most (even peripherally) sexual contact.

When asked how she deals with college parties (and the PG-13 dancing that often defines them), Abby responded, "9 times out of 10, the parties I'm invited to don't involve drinking, because my friends feel the same as I do. When talking about dancing, I think I'm also a little jaded from the Christian university. At Baylor it's kind of frowned upon to be grinding at a dance party."

Natalie expresses a similar mentality, explaining, "I've honestly never danced publicly with a boy so I don't feel like it impacts my college experience. I generally don't go to events where it would be an issue, and if it was, I'd have friends who were in the same position as me so it wouldn't be so uncomfortable."

Virginity, like most things, is made easier in numbers.

Although women like Natalie, Hannah, Rachel, Rosemary, and Abby are abstinent, they are, by no means, asexual.  They're constantly faced with temptation and are looking forward to the day when they'll be able to shed their virginity.

"Don't get me wrong: I sincerely look forward to having a sex life," Cassandra, another abstinent Baylor student, admits, "But, because I'm a Christian and because sex without security is a terrifying thought, right now I am okay with not having one."

Abby agrees, comparing losing her virginity to opening the best Christmas present ever: "Having sex before marriage would be like opening your Christmas presents before Christmas. On Christmas day, wouldn't you be a little disappointed or sad? I'm excited to be married so I can enjoy [a sex life] guilt free.  Maybe it will be awkward the first time, maybe it won't. I don't care. It's exactly how I would want it to be."

*Names have been changed to protect sources' anonymity.