Real Live College Guy Joey: To-The-Point Answers to 4 New Questions About Foreplay, Flirty Friendships & Keggers

1. I have a guy friend here at school. We've known each other for a while but just became close this year. He texts me all the time, came to visit me over winter break (spent the night), met my parents, bonded with my brother, stops by my room frequently, we are flirty yet he has never made a move. What is going on here? Is he into me? I have a crush on him but I wish I could tell if he felt the same or if he sees me as just a friend. Help!
     - Baffled at Bates

My dear unfortunate friend, I believe this to be a case of "does he" or "doesn't he," and with that in mind—ignoring how obvious that conclusion is—I say to you, does he touch you flirtatiously? Does he compliment certain outfits or hair dos? Do you bicker as only an adorably annoying couple can? If you answered an affirmative to any of the aforementioned questions, it's safe to assume that this dude is seeking more than friendship. As a naturally flirtatious man-beast myself, it's hard to toe the line between simply friends-that-flirt, and friends-that-flirt-'cause-they-want-more. As I say with all other questions concerning the "should I tell him?" question, I implore you to remember that honesty always trumps insecurity. If you're truly nervous about broaching the topic, make it as light as possible. Try a simple white lie to get the ball rolling, a nice "So-and-so said we flirt all the time…Crazy, huh??" It's entirely likely that your man-friend will feel the same way, and if he doesn't, you've left more than enough room to joke about it alongside him—inner torment notwithstanding.

2. How can I attract guys at a keg party? I am one of those girls who is fun but doesn't look like a model.
     – Flip-cupping at Florida State
 
The luck is yours then, Florida, because blessedly most women don't look like those airbrushed skeletons that magazines mean for you to aspire to. As far as attracting guys solely at keg parties…I'm a tad confused. I take it to mean you want male attention while at pseudo-archetypal college fiestas. If so, forget that there's anyone there you could be interested in. The best advice I've ever given someone was that guys really can sense when someone is desperate for a boyfriend or a relationship-of-sorts. Relax! Have fun with your friends and guys should come your way. Don't make yourself too obviously available. Having fun with friends should be your numero uno goal at "keg parties." Any benefits you reap from male attention should come secondary. Don't worry about not looking like a "model," and focus instead on having fun. Just by doing that you should gain the attention you desire. Guys aren't interested in girls that seem on the prowl for attention; however, don't expect an immediate crowd of men vying for your attention. The best thing to remember is that once you're comfortable with yourself, guys will be too.

3. I've been dating a guy for a while and we've both never had sex but we make out all the time. What does it mean when he gets on top of me? What should I do?
     -Confused at Colgate
 
Quite the confusing question you pose, Colgate. To put it plainly—and a tad profanely—his getting on top of you can mean one of two (or both) things. If he's simply lying on top of you while you're macking, then he may just prefer being the one doing the controlling. Now, on the other hand, if he's clearly mimicking the act of sex, then your dude is down to get things moving. Try and see if you notice any rubbing… I'm going to end that train of thought. If he's mimicking the act of sex, then your guy is ready to take the leap, or at least getting ready. Now your next step, if you're both new to the act of fornication, is to address this idea with each other. Are you ready to take the plunge? Is he?  Keeping in mind the horror of talking about sex rather than initiating the act, it's probably best to just bring up "the next phase" of your dating. By bringing up the next phase in your pseudo-relationship, the topic of sex should come up naturally.

4. Ok, so this guy and I had been hanging out since we moved to college in August. And we started dating sometime in November because he wanted to take the relationship slow since he'd been hurt in past relationships. Everything was great and the semester ended and we went home for semester break. When we came back something just wasn't right, so I asked if everything was ok and he said he wanted to move back to just being friends. Said I'm amazing and that he likes everything about me, but he realized he isn't ready for a relationship. Now I'm left feeling played and wondering what happened in those three weeks we were apart. What could have changed his mind? 
     -Single at Stanford
 
To be completely frank, I assume that because you did indeed begin seeing one another right away—even "unofficially"—our said man didn't get to experience the whole single-at-college kind of deal. Unfortunately this is totally normal. Most guys come to regret being in a relationship immediately upon their entry at college. I can only assume that this dude went home and realized, either through conversations with friends or through introspective analysis (to be honest, probably the former), that maybe he needed to try being on his own for a while. As sure as a person who doesn't know the both of you can be, I'm nearly positive that this is what befell your romance. Don't stress about what YOU may have done, focus instead on how he was apprehensive from the start. Who knows? Maybe this'll end up being good for the both of you. College is supposed to be "the time of our lives," and all that jazz, go out and enjoy being a single college coed for a while.