Real Live College Guy Joey: To-The-Point Answers to 4 New Questions About Texts, Sweaty Palms & FWBs
-Interested at Iowa
There are two simple guidelines when distinguishing between a "DTF" text and an "I'm interested in more than a low-down roll in the hay" message. Primarily, keep a lookout for the timing of said text messages. Men looking for a quick lay are likely to time those concise, brief, innuendo-laden texts for late at night. Secondly, as aforementioned, texts from guys looking solely for a "hook-up" will keep their messages brief and to the point. Some little gems can go the way of "Hey, wat r u up 2 l8r 2night?" (Unless they're writing majors…) or "We shud chill wen we're bak on campus." If any guy is going along the opposite route, a la texts/phone calls while Edward Cullen is fast asleep in bed (daytime) and seems genuinely interested in your day-to-day activities, rest assured that he wants more than a quick lay. As far as non-textual ways to spot guys solely interested in a hookup, be wary of any random acquaintance you encounter at weekend parties. If you meet someone you're genuinely interested in, avoid going home with him at the end of the night. Rather, give him your number and use the tried-and-true, "I'm really tired" excuse to see him during daylight hours instead.
-Just wanna have fun at James Madison
For the commitment-wary coed, or the just-too-busy-to-commit lass like yourself, a friendship with all the benefits of a relationship (or, FWB) is usually a free and easy way to get by during the stress of these college years we've found ourselves in. Take a cue from Miss Nat Portman's mistake in No Strings Attached (solid movie, she makes douche-lord Kutcher LIKEABLE) though, and avoid too many rules or logistics. A friends-with-benefits type of deal shouldn't be stressful. Honesty and clarity is key in this type of a scenario. You're clearly no whimpering recluse, so be upfront with any guy lucky enough to score this arrangement. Make it clear what you want out of the pseudo-relationship and things should move along swimmingly, regardless of what the PTA-run Hollywood machine has decided to tell us (Every single FWB movie ends up with… blegh, emotions). Lay your cards on the table; open dialogue isn't your enemy. Your (justified) concern of looking slightly slut-o-saurus should be assuaged by sheer honesty. By explaining that the addition of a relationship to your school and social commitments just isn't a possibility in your current situation, you could never be faulted for being "slutty."
3. My birth control costs $40 a month and as a poor college kid, it's getting really expensive to keep up with. Is it reasonable to ask my boyfriend to contribute some money to help pay for it? I'm already taking on the responsibility of having safe sex-should I have to shoulder the financial responsibility myself too?
-Broke at BU
Typically, girls are responsible for birth control while guys deal with the purchase of condoms. Typical, but certainly not absolutely. Your own personal carnal escapades notwithstanding, Broke at BU, if you're being as safe as possible (the magic pill AND condoms) then I don't see why your dude should have to pay some of your sexual expenses. However, if you're relying on birth control only… It isn't entirely out of the realm of possibility that he should have to pay some of the monthly allotment. I know that I'm being evasive, but a question like this isn't an umbrella-type of deal. Relationship dynamics are different for every couple, so while someone like ME may not find it ridiculous to pay some of your birth control pills (if their use is benefiting MY sexual pleasure, i.e., no condom), some guys may find it ludicrous. Approach this conversation like any other that you would while in a committed, (fingers-crossed) monogamous relationship. If you're not virgin to this column (I use the term loosely) then you'll know how fond I am of bullsh*t-free relationships. While I wouldn't suggest a "Listen dude, ante-up or the shop's closed" kind of deal, I'd wholeheartedly endorse a "Since we've forgone condoms in lieu of better sex, what are your thoughts on…"
4. I've had this genetic problem since I was young that makes my hands and feet sweat profusely. I know it's somewhat common, but it's always really embarrassing when a guy tries to hold my hand. I'm about to go on a third date with this guy and am wondering if I should address the sweaty elephant in the room or just hold his hand like nothing's wrong. Thoughts?
-Sweaty in Seattle
This certainly isn't an isolated incident. You're right! It's entirely common. A fool-proof way to prevent too much drippage is to do what I refer to as the casual-palm-over-the-pant/skirt/what-have-you before lacing those little fingers with your better half. If, however, the sweating persists (which is what I glean from your question) then be upfront. If the guy's a decent enough fellow he won't care that your palms and feet "sweat profusely." He may be hesitant to play slip and slide with you… But I don't foresee any guy being totally turned off or disgusted by something completely out of your control. If you find yourself strolling along some moonlit path one evening, don't broach the topic unnecessarily, wait until Prince Charming oh-so-casually reaches for your hand and proceed to laugh it off. A simple "my hands just get so damn sweaty, sometimes!" will suffice. It is far less serious a concern than you make it out to be.
