Romantic Bloopers: How to Fix Those Sticky Situations

Bloopers: be they awkward, funny, or embarrassing, these pesky, unplanned screw-ups happen all the time, sending our minds reeling trying to think of some way to bounce back. We'll never get asked out again. We'll be branded as the world's worst date. Life as we know it is over. Right?
 
Wrong! Think about it. As much as we may wish they were, our love lives are far from perfect. It's the bloopers that keep us on our toes. Take a look at these hilarious and, at the time, seemingly dreadful real-life situations and learn what to do for the next time you find yourself in need of some major romantic damage control.
 
1. He threw up right after our first kiss!
 
"It was the summer after my freshman year in college and I had just started dating this really nice guy. I knew that he was waiting for that special "first kiss" to happen. I was excited, but also super nervous at the thought of it. A week later we were lying on his couch and I knew it was about to come. I was so nervous and he knew I was, so he made the move and we kissed. 'Phew,' I thought. It was over and it went just fine! About 10 seconds after the kiss he ran to the bathroom and started puking his guts out —over and over and over. As he was doing this, I just sat on his couch, not knowing what to do. So, after a good five minutes of him throwing up in the bathroom, I got up, went to the door, and yelled, 'Ok, well....goodnight!' as I made a quick exit. 'Goodnight! I'm so sorry!' he yelled back. Turns out his nerves (and a bad lunch) had gotten the best of him, but it still makes for a great story. I'll definitely never forget that kiss!"
 
-Katie, Western Washington University
 
Damage Control: What should you do? (Answer at the end of the article.)

1. Play nurse and stay with him until he feels better. He needs your help, obviously.
2. Run out without a word and end things for good. He ruined the date!
3. Say a quick goodbye and call him the next day. He probable wants some space.

 
2. I never got her number!
 

 
"My sophomore year of college there was a girl in a couple of my classes that I was really interested in. She was friends with one of my friend's girlfriends which meant I tried to plan a lot of group activities that my friend's girlfriend could invite her to so that I could hang out with her.
One day we were planning a bonfire and I decided I would invite her myself. After class, I started walking with her to tell her about it. As she headed off, I told her I would give her a call later to tell her about the details. In saying that I was hoping she would give me her phone number because I didn't have it. To my disappointment, she just looked at me and said 'Ok!' and walked away. I just stood there and thought, 'FAIL!' Behind me my friends just laughed.
I saw her the next day and went up to her to tell her that I was going to give her a call the other night but realized that I didn't have her phone number. This time I finally just asked for it. She gave it to me and we've been dating for over a year now."
 
-Ben, Western Washington University
 
Damage Control: What should you do? (Answer at the end of the article.)

1. Think he hates you because you never called and give up all hope of talking to him again.
2. Get his number from your mutual friend and call him.
3. Figure out where he lives and go pick him up to take him to the bonfire.

 
3. My dad brought out the shotgun!
 
"My boyfriend and I pulled up into my driveway and he was super nervous about meeting my dad for the first time. My dad is a really nice guy and I told my boyfriend over and over that he had nothing to worry about. Finally, he got up the courage. We got out of his truck, started walking up the driveway and heard a shot go off. We walked towards the backyard and I saw that my dad had shot his first deer of the season. He told my boyfriend to help him drag it up to the barn for cleaning. It didn't terrify him enough to leave so I figured then that he must be a keeper. My dad likes him even more since that day because he knows he's not afraid of him. Basically, it was a test. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years now!"
 
- Andrea, Western Michigan University
 
Damage Control: What should you do? (Answer at the end of the article.)

1. Scream at your dad for embarrassing you and lock yourself in your room.
2. Apologize to your boyfriend profusely and never bring him back to the house.
3. Make a joke out of the situation and move on with the day.

 
4. Another guy got in the way!
 
"One year I went to a guy's holiday party. His family and my family were close and I had a bit of a crush on him. There were lots of other people at the party including all of his friends and all the children of his parents' friends. I was really excited because I had a new dress on and thought I looked pretty good. I was hoping he'd notice me a little more that night, what with the lights, decorations, and my cute new dress. Instead, this other boy arrived at the party and ran into the room where all the kids were hanging out. He loudly (and annoyingly) exclaimed his presence, jumped on top of me as I'm sitting on the couch, and planted a kiss right on my lips. I was embarrassed, flustered, and grossed out because it was a younger boy I had no interest in and barely knew his name. Plus, everyone was watching, even the guy I had a crush on. Needless to say, nothing happened with my crush that night."
 
-Anonymous
 
Damage Control: What should you do? (Answer at the end of the article.)

1. Laugh it off, chalk it up to your amazing new dress, and explain what happened to your crush next time you talk to him.
2. Go up to your crush and kiss him on the lips. You have to show him that the other kiss didn't mean anything!
3. Start crying, immediately leave the party, and switch schools.

 
5. He wouldn't make a move!
 

 
"My girlfriend and I went to the movies for our first date. I wasn't actually sure if it was a date so I bought only my own ticket and left her to pay for hers. I have a nervous habit of bouncing my knee up and down and, needless to say, both knees were going full force. I wanted them to stop so I put hand on my right knee. They did stop bouncing but then started swaying back and forth. Eventually, I ended up hitting her hand. I figured this would be a nice way to see if she would hold my hand so I continued to do it. She, of course, asked me what I was doing and I just smiled at her and continued to watch the movie. This lasted for a few minutes longer before she finally just grabbed my hand. After the movie, I drove her home. When we arrived, I got up the courage to lean over and give her a kiss. After, she leaned back towards the door, looked me in the eyes, laughed, said, 'Well that was awkward!' and left. I sat there, a little stupefied but happy with my decision. Shortly after I pulled out of her driveway she texted me and apologized for her reaction, asking me if I wanted to hang out the next day. I forgave her for the reaction and I'm glad I did because our two year anniversary is coming up!"

-Mark, SUNY Purchase College
 
Damage Control: What should you do? (Answer at the end of the article.)

1. Refuse any future date he asks you on. You can't sit through another night like that.
2. Be the one to initiate the first kiss.
3. Compare him to your ex, who never had a problem making a move, and tease him about it.

 
Curious to see if you answered right? Check out what dating and relationship coach Lisa Shield had to say below. (P.S. Lisa was on an episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker! How cool is that?)
 
1: C. "You can pretty well bet that this is one of the most embarrassing moments of your date's life. Sticking around to play nurse, no matter how well-intentioned, will only further humiliate him. A call from you will show you care. Besides, everything will seem better—and funnier—the following day."
 
2: B. "Guys are just as nervous as girls when it comes to asking out someone they are attracted to. Getting his number and giving him a call would help him save face and it would ensure that you don't miss out on a date with a really nice guy."
 
3: C. "No matter how uncomfortable your boyfriend is, he can take care of himself. Let the guys work it out among themselves. It's always good to show him that you can have a good sense of humor in an awkward situation."
 
4: A. "It's not what happens but how you respond to what happens that matters. No one likes a drama queen so making a scene won't score you points with anyone. Men love women who are playful and can go with the flow."
 
5: B. "Women can't always expect men to make the first move. Many relationships never happen because no one takes the initiative. Sometimes someone just has to step up and break the ice."  
 
Would you have handled these situations as Lisa suggested? What's the best (or worst) romantic blooper you've ever had?
 
Sources:
 
Katie, Western Washington University
 
Ben, Western Washington University
 
Andrea, Western Michigan University
 
Mark, SUNY Purchase College
 
Anonymous Student
 
Lisa Shield, Dating and Relationship Coach

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Dangerously in Love: Why So Many College Girls Are Winding Up In Abusive Relationships

Yeardley Love had everything going for her: She was a good student, a phenomenal athlete, and had a great family and circle of friends. The 22-year-old senior at the University of Virginia had a promising life ahead of her until a violent relationship with fellow classmate George Huguely tragically ended her life.
 
While it's easy to write off terrifying stories like this one with a simple, "That would never happen to me," the sad truth is that violent relationships are more common than we think. Relationships that appear to be perfect on the outside could be seriously dangerous behind closed doors. These abusive relationships can happen to anyone, from ordinary college women to celebrities like Rihanna.
 

 
While violent relationships are frightening and sometimes can be extremely hard to get out of, being educated on these types of dangerous men and the warning signs that come along with the abuse could be what saves your life.
 
Why College Women?
Abuse can happen to anyone in any age group, but college women are often the people who find themselves in these types of situations. Susan Shapiro Barash, a gender studies professor at Marymount Manhattan College and author of the book Toxic Friends, attributes the presence of abusive relationships on campus to the environment. "Really it's a stranger you're meeting, it's not like high school where people know each other," she says. "It's an unprotected environment and you're young and you're trusting of who you meet." The campus is a new place with all types of different people, and while some may have shown signs of abuse in the past, there's no way for a student to know that.
 
A sophomore at Arizona State University was completely blindsided by her boyfriend's abusive tendencies when she came to college because she was used to all the guys from her hometown. "I come from a really small town where everybody knows everybody, so I was so trusting when I first came to school…I assumed everybody had the best intentions. I started dating this guy freshman year and I figured he was just a normal guy because he seemed really nice. I guess I was just naive because I didn't even think that anybody could be abusive. Turns out, I was wrong."
 
Why Are Women Attracted to Them in the First Place?
Violent men are obviously not attractive, but most have qualities that will draw you in and get you hooked. "Many men who end up being violent are actually very charming men," Barash says. "They're seductive and they have a pattern—they've done this with women before you and they'll do it again." Some women actually are so drawn to an abusive man's looks, style and popularity that they don't and won't face the fact that he could be dangerous.
 
While some women who are lured in to an abusive man are oblivious to the potential danger, other women gravitate toward these types of people. Often, women who come from a history of abuse, whether it's from a father, uncle or brother, date abusive men because they want to try to remedy the situation. "These women think that even though they couldn't make their abusive relative stop, they can make this man change," Barash says.
 
When Does the Danger Strike?
Abusive relationships rarely start out violent. "The relationships start on a high note most likely, you feel great being with him, and it's very exciting having a relationship with someone on campus," Barash says. Once you're into the relationship, however, things start to go downhill, sometimes gradually. "The dark side kicks in – he might be physically violent, he might squeeze your arm one time, he might physically hit you," Barash says, adding that women are often in disbelief once the relationship starts to turn for the worst. Still, despite the physical danger, many women stay in the relationship.
 
A recent graduate of the University of Vermont says that she was in complete shock the first time she saw her ex-boyfriend be violent. "Our relationship started out perfectly, he was so sweet and affectionate and caring. As stupid as it sounds now, I actually thought that he could be the guy I ended up marrying. I remember we were out one night and he saw me talking to another guy, and he actually flipped over a table at the bar because he was so pissed. I was shocked and scared and really upset about it. Since I was so into him, I thought that maybe it was just a one time thing, but after talking to my friends about it, I knew he was too good to be true."
 
Why Do Women Stay in it?
After starting the relationship on such a perfect note, women often make excuses for the man's display of violence in an attempt to rationalize the abuse. Instead of chalking it up to his abusive nature, women will tell themselves that the man was violent because he was drinking or because he had a bad day. "It's so unfamiliar to you that you're not sure what do to and you don't want to admit that this has happened," Barash says.
 
As the abuse continues into a pattern, women will start to believe that they can fix the problem. "You think the love will make this better and that you can change him," Barash says. "And sometimes it's about your own low self-esteem – instead of taking a look at yourself and getting out, you try to fix it."
 
Other times, and more commonly, women stay in the relationship because of fear. Women are scared that the man will become more violent once she leaves.

What Are the Warning Signs?
Abusive relationships aren't easy to spot, especially when they are just starting out and everything is going so well. Still, there are some signs that you can spot early on in a relationship so you can get out before you're sucked in too deep.
 
He's too controlling. An abusive man wants to have control over your every move, so not only is he telling you what to do, but he also needs to know where you are at all times. "He needs to know your whereabouts in an intense and inappropriate way," says Barash. She warns that if he's continuously stopping by your work to check up on you or if he's following you when you go out, it's definitely a sign of problems to come.
 
One Michigan State University junior recalls her ex-boyfriend's crazy and controlling demands when it came to her going out. "He literally made me call him every fifteen minutes when I went out with my friends.  Sometimes, if the music was loud wherever we were, he would make me go outside so I could talk to him, and he'd always insist that I told him exactly who I was with and what we were talking about. If I ever missed a call from him, he would grow extremely angry and call me non-stop until I picked up.  Finally, after five months of being trapped in the relationship, my friends opened my eyes to his antics and I broke up with him."
 
He's angry for no real reason. Abuse often starts with anger, and it can escalate quickly. If your guy is getting really mad about small things, it's a red flag. "He loses his temper and directs his anger at you," says Barash. "He's controlling your universe and getting angry about your independence." If a man blows up at you over minimal issues and his temper is out of line, it's time to get out.
 
A Her Campus reader from Hofstra had a boyfriend who got angry often, and usually expressed his fury with physical force. "He literally would pick fights with everybody. He'd get so mad and get up in their faces and just scream. He'd be pissed off and punch trees…his knuckles were always bruised or bleeding because he'd just get so mad about something and always had to take it out physically. He'd say that punching things released his anger and made everything better, but it just made me realize he was a psycho that clearly needed help."
 
You start making excuses for him. Excuses are a way to cope with the dangerous situation, so if you find yourself saying that a bad day at work made your man throw somehing at you, head for the nearest exit immediately.
 
A University of Rhode Island junior remembers telling herself that her ex-boyfriend's violence and verbal abuse was a sign that he cared about her. "One night we went out and I tried talking to other guys, but he would get really angry and say things like I 'could never get with anyone else' and 'no other guy would ever want me'. I shrugged these incidences off because I thought it was a way of him showing he cared for me and he was just being possessive. He would apologize later, but it would always end up happening again. When things started to get physical that's when I knew that I needed to end it. A few times he grabbed me hard, shoved, or pushed me down. Like before, he would always apologize after and try and make up for it, and at first I accepted his apologies. I once again tried to use the excuse that this was the way he showed that he liked me."
 
You leave out important details to your friends. Women are usually excited about a new boyfriend, and they can't wait to gush all the mushy details to their friends and mother. Those in abusive relationships will tell stories but leave out the part where he started screaming at you for going out with your friends or smashed a glass because you were texting while he was talking to you. "They don't give all the information because they have a sense that their family members or friends would not approve," Barash says.
 
A Syracuse University senior says that she suspects that her sister's boyfriend is abusive, and that her sister rarely ever talks about her boyfriend. "We've always been close, and she's had boyfriends in the past and she'd always tell me all about them. She barely ever talks to me about her current boyfriend. She's called me a couple times crying to tell me how mean he is, and I think it's just because she's been at her breaking point a couple times now. When I bring up the situation after the fact, she will tell me that she was just being dramatic and they really have a great relationship."
 
He's threatening you. The threats could start off as non-physical but could begin to get dangerous. Some abusers use threats to control their partner, and say things like, "If you go out with your friends, I won't talk to you again." The threats can start to get graphic and frightening as the relationship escalates, with words like, "If you go out with your friends tonight, I'll kill you." Instead of brushing off a threat as harsh words by someone who is angry, take any threatening language extremely seriously.
 
A senior at UMass Amherst says that she knew her boyfriend was abusive because he was constantly threatening her. "Looking back on my relationship with my ex, I can't believe all the signs I missed. I'm so glad I got out of that relationship when I did, because even though I never saw him be physically abusive to me, he used to threaten me all the time about everything. He'd tell me he'd break up with me if I ever talked to my ex-boyfriends and that he'd kill me if I ever cheated on him. One time, my guy friend bought me a drink at the bar and my boyfriend told me he'd punch him if my friend talked to me again."
 
How Do You Get Out?
Barash suggests completely extricating yourself from the situation and cutting off all modes of contact with the abuser. Sometimes, this is difficult to do on your own, so you need to talk to a counselor, teacher, friend or parent to seek help and protect yourself. "If you can't really handle it yourself, you don't really have to," Barash says.
 
If you have a feeling that a friend or loved one is in an abusive relationship, the best thing to do is to push her to get out of the situation. "You have to push her and say, "Listen, I'm the innocent bystander and I see problems in the relationship. It could be dangerous and this really isn't what your family would like for you,'" Barash says.
 
If you feel like your friend is too far into the situation to pull herself out, you could even take the initiative to report it. "This could be very hard, because your friend will be denying it so you have to really believe that helping her is the way to go," Barash says.
 
Although abusive relationships may start out perfect, once you see any signs of violence, it's time to reevaluate the situation and get out before it's too late. Be sure to seek help and talk to someone about what's going on in your relationship. Knowing that you're not alone will help give you the strength to leave.
 
Sources:
 
Susan Shapiro Barash, gender studies professor at Marymount Manhattan College and author of the book Toxic Friends

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The Official Written "Unwritten" Rules of Off-Limits Boys

Don't you hate it when people reference the "unwritten rules" of hooking up? Admittedly, we all need a little reminder from time to time about which boys might be crossing the line, and whether he might cause tension between friends, in the workplace, or within family. If it seems like your friends always throw around phrases like "chicks before dicks" with a dirty look in your direction, maybe you should print this out and highlight the key points. Consider this the official written rules of the boys who are considered off-limits – though of course there are exceptions to every rule….
 
OFF-LIMITS: Best Friend's Ex-Boyfriend
SAFE: One of your best friend's past hook-ups
 
We can start with an easy one first. Probably the most infamous unwritten rule of hooking up, everyone knows that a best friend's ex-boyfriend is off-limits. However, many girls fall into sticky territory when friends start to overlap with casual hook-ups (how many girls reading this article have hooked up with some of the same boys as a friend?)

If you have trouble restraining yourself, casually slap this sticker on his back at the next party.
 
If we are strictly speaking about one-time flings, there is absolutely no reason why a friend should get mad at another friend about overlapping. If you have a particularly promiscuous friend and attend a small school, it's not like she could argue the whole school is off-limits, right? Not that any of us have friends like that…
 
OFF-LIMITS: Best Friend's Brother
SAFE: Best friend's brother's friends
 
When you sleep over at your best friend's house and sneak off into her brother's room right when she falls asleep, you know you are doing something wrong. Of course, there are probably some people reading this who are thinking "I would love it if my best friend was my sister-in-law!" but most of the time this happy love triangle does not work out for the best.
 
On the other hand, her brother's friends are completely safe territory. Just clarify with your best friend first about whether or not she has had a secret crush on him ever since he squirted ketchup in her eye at her brother's third grade birthday party.
 
OFF-LIMITS: Ex-Boyfriend's Brother
SAFE: Ex-boyfriend's friend
 
I have a friend who is familiar with the consequences of hooking up with a family member of an ex-boyfriend, and it's not pretty. Besides people cracking jokes like, "Are you going to hook up with his father next?" it's just riddled with complications. However, it is perfectly acceptable to hook up with your ex-boyfriend's friends; they are probably your friends too.  Let your ex get mad and throw around phrases like "bros before hoes" at his friend, but it's not your problem. 
 
OFF-LIMITS: Superiors (Boss, TA)
SAFE: Fellow colleagues
 
You might have a particularly cute manager at your on-campus job, or maybe the TA in your Bio 101 class has been giving you the eye over the stack of papers on his desk. This rule is perhaps the most important to continue to follow after graduation: NEVER hook up with a superior. If something goes sour, you are vulnerable to his every whim and it may jeopardize your future career or academic performance. Even if your relationship goes swimmingly, you will probably be judged by your peers for having ulterior motives and be accused of receiving preferential treatment.
 

Her leg is definitely in off-limits territory.
 
If you cannot resist starting some romance in the workplace or in the classroom, stick with your equals. Keep in mind that most human resources departments insist on being informed about any inter-employee relationships, and check out Gennifer's article on the pros and cons of working relationships.  
 
OFF-LIMITS: Relative by Marriage
SAFE: Family friend
 
Assuming "relative by blood" is finally a universal no-no (hopefully no one is dating a cousin), it can get tricky when the guy in question is just a relative by marriage. While watching Clueless we got a taste of what it would be like to hook up with an ex-stepbrother, and lucky for Cher, her father and Josh's mother are divorced by the time things start to get steamy. In the real world, inter-family relationships can get messy pretty fast, especially if you live in the same house.
 
On the other hand, if your mother's best friend's family comes over for Thanksgiving every year and you play footsie with her cute son under the table while passing the cranberry sauce to your grandma, a post-dinner hookup may be inevitable. Blame it on the tryptophan in the turkey all you want, but just remember not to make it awkward next year.
 

Why are you so pouty Cher? Oh right… because Josh is basically your brother.
 
And there you have it: the finally written "unwritten" rules of off-limits boys. I could waste space by adding "Best Friend's Current Boyfriend," but I don't think any HC reader is that dumb.
 
Photos Sources
Off-limits: http://www.memphisflyer.com/images/blogimages/2009/08/09/1249867046-off_limits.jpg
Office romance: http://sex.sheknows.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/office_romance.jpg
Cher and Josh: http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Cher-Josh-cher-and-josh-631292_852_480.jpg

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Real Live College Guy Joe: Post-Hook Up Etiquette and How to be Sexy but Not Crazy in the Bedroom

Ever wonder what guys think, how to deal with them, or whether instead of listening to you they just imagine you naked?  Our Real Live College Guy Joe will answer all your questions about college men and relationships with wit, clarity, grace, and physical attractiveness (can you tell he wrote this intro himself?) all while imagining you fully clothed!  Well, usually – he is a college guy. 
 

 
Last weekend I met this guy at a bar and we were really drunk, went back to his apartment, hooked up (but didn't have sex) and I stayed over.   Then he texted me this week, and on Thursday night we went and got a drink at a bar, then went back to his apartment, hooked up (but didn't have sex) and I stayed over. I would be interested in seeing him again and maybe dating him.  My question is: what should I do now?  We had a good convo, it wasn't like just a hook-up, but I can't tell whether he's looking to date me or just hook up with me or what.  Should I text him, and if so, when?  This weekend?  Or Sunday?  Or wait longer?  Or should I just wait for him to text me?-Confused at Cornell
 
Be not afraid, you confused yet lucky lady, you.  You could have a good thing going.  First, I'm going to tell you why this guy sounds like a possible winner – you're welcome, dude at Cornell – then I'll tell you the moves to take in this situation, as well as any similar situation, that your guy will appreciate. 
 
Have Hope
 
From the abundance of question marks in your question, it seems like you can be a bit of a worrier.  That's totally cool – I once brought a restaurant hostess flowers and chocolate when she said, "Come back and see us anytime."  One thing that always helps me is to look at the facts:

• When you were both really drunk, he gave you a place to stay that wasn't a highway overpass, always a plus.
• HE texted YOU back first, a sign that he's either interested or has no other friends; either way, you're high on his list of potential snuggle buddies.
• You've slept over at his place twice and YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE SEX.  He's certainly a gallant, albeit blue-balled, gentleman.
• You had a good conversation, which means you shared something real and didn't go back to his place just to "check out his shoe collection" – it obviously wasn't just a hook-up for him either.

So, from the outside looking in, he's interested in you in all the right, long-term-relationship related ways.  I wouldn't be surprised to find he's picked out the wedding ring already. 
 
What You Should Do
 
Ideally, he would text you back again, after a shorter delay than last time.  Then you'd definitely know he's interested.  If he doesn't, though, don't be alarmed.  He is probably worrying about the exact same things you are, i.e., whether you're interested, what you should name your kids, etc. Or he might have done the truly classy thing and sent you his next message via post, in which case it will arrive on your stoop in a couple weeks. 
 
If he hasn't holla'd at you for a couple days, text him yourself.  This move may seem strange and unladylike to you at first, but there's something I urgently need to tell you and all other newly enlightened readers of this column.  If you're interested in someone and have a hunch he's interested, too, I beg of you – no, I plead of you upon bended knee, for the sake of all mankind – please don't play too hard to get.
 
I don't mean to say you're consciously guilty of such a dastardly deed, not by any stretch.  However, if you spend too much time playing "He loves me, he loves me not," and wondering whether or not to call him back, he might think you're toying with him a little.  And there is nothing, NOTHING more annoying than cat-and-mouse after the mouse has already let you bite a little bit of its tail, if you follow my meta-fur.  Thank you, I'll be here all week.
 
Anyways, the moral of the story is to not be afraid to text him (texting is better than calling in this case).  Ask him out for a drink, or, even better, just ask him how his day is going.  This way, you'll establish a rapport between yourselves, and you can spend the next few days deciphering his punctuation choices for hints that he likes you.   As we already saw in our handy list, he certainly seems interested in you, so he won't mind the text.  In fact, he'll probably be ecstatic that you're interested in something real, too.

 
What are certain bedroom behaviors any guy would find hot and are a "safe bet," and what are some that might be over the top and you need to gauge if the guy is interested? I always want to be "hot" and not boring in my hook-ups, but I also want to make sure I'm not doing anything that might freak a guy out, and just because a past guy was into it I can't assume that all guys are, right?  -Creative at Colorado
 
Your impulses are most definitely correct.  Guys love creativity in their love life, unless it involves excessive use of very flammable substances.  I will split my response into two parts: 1) What is sure to turn a guy on, and 2) What is too much.
 
Turn-Ons
 
As you correctly stated, every guy has different romantic tastes.  Some guys have fetishes, some guys like to keep all their clothes on and apologize to the Lord during the act, and some guys might be surprised that you have different anatomy than they do.  But there are some things that turn most guys on:

• Talking dirty: No guy will tell you, "Ladies musn't speak in that fashion," or "Don't talk about Joe, Jr. like that!"  Guys love to hear girls talk dirty – it shows that we're getting to see an intimate, unreserved side of you that not many others get to see.  Use curse words, talk about specific body parts, talk about what you want him to do to you.  Just please don't laugh at him, ever.  May you never know such humiliation.
• Touching yourself: Guys generally like it when girls touch themselves, and I don't just mean masturbation – although, if you've gotten to that level with a guy, please don't hesitate.  I'm talking about all kind of touching: caressing your cleavage, running your hands down the sides of your body, grabbing your hair.  It shows that you are comfortable with your body and are enjoying yourself, and it is so hot. 
• Lap dances and PDA: You see it all the time.  Drunk-o skanks waving their tongues all over the dance floor, shameless girls who would give a lap dance to a guy in the electric chair.  They give PDA a bad name.  But making out in public, getting a lap dance (even, sometimes, in the middle of a raging party), and getting really intimate while people are in the next room – nothing gets a guy's heart pounding faster.  And if you don't do it so much you get a bad reputation, it can be a great move to pull out once in a while.

Whoa There, Sister
 
Turn-offs vary as much guy-to-guy as turn-ons do, but there are a few things that no guy will find sexy.  And I'm not talking crazy Tub Girl stuff – even the most mundane things can destroy a sexy moment. 

• Teeth: No guy other than an insane masochist likes to feel your teeth anywhere on his body.  Of course, in your acts of animalistic passion teeth will at times accidentally enter the fray.  But consider yourself warned: as soon as he feels your bite, he'll be too focused on his physical discomfort and the off chance that you're a Twilight character in disguise to feel sexy towards you.  So, when kissing on his tongue or anywhere on his body, try to keep your chompers out of it. 
• Hickeys: In the heat of the moment, sucking violently on someone's neck might seem like a fun idea.  But no one wants to walk around in a turtleneck for the next three days, or tell everyone he got hit by a lacrosse ball; he might even get angry at you for putting him through such an experience.  Just don't. 
• Sloppy seconds: Unless he's drunk out of his mind, no self-respecting guy will want anything to do with you if he's already seen you giving lap-dances to three guys and making out with three others that night.  If you're looking to bless a guy with heavy PDA at a party, choose wisely, and stick to your choice. 
• Props: Props – e.g., sex-toys, whipped cream, etc. – are good and bad.  If you've been in a relationship for a while and want to add some flavor, then you can bust out the Cool Whip and strawberries.  But on a first hook-up, it's a little much to handle.  Let him enjoy the fruits of your body.  And asking him to pleasure you with a dildo is always annoying – he has a real one at the ready that he is more than willing to donate for your service.

That's the list of dos and do nots that come to mind.  Of course, all rules can and should be broken.  When you're out there bumping, grinding, and tonsil-hockey-ing on the dance floor, or in a warm embrace on a couch in his apartment, you should go with your gut.  Don't think of me and my suggestions – though I would be truly flattered, and you should feel free to call and tell me about it afterwards – rather, think of what he likes and what the situation calls for.  And don't be afraid to test the boundaries: if he doesn't like something, he can always say no.  Just enjoy yourself, immerse yourself in the moment, and you can't go wrong.

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Your Most Embarrassing Period Questions: Answered! - Part 2

Is it bad to sleep with a tampon in?  

According to the Tampax website, "You should never wear a tampon for more than eight hours to reduce the risk of TSS during your menstruation." So what about wearing one overnight? According to Jackson-Moore, the risk is pretty negligible. "If you're just sleeping for eight hours, that's reasonable," she says. But if you do plan on sleeping for much longer (for example, if you're crashing at 7pm the night after pulling an all-nighter), you can be extra-safe and set an alarm to get up and change your tampon after eight hours.  
 

Will a significant change in diet affect my period? 

Significant changes in diet, exercise, and stress all have the potential to alter your cycle. But if your cycle is significantly affected by a change in diet, it could be a signal that something about your change in routine is unhealthy. "For the most part, if you are losing weight in a healthy fashion, it really shouldn't affect your cycle," says Jackson-Moore.  

My period is consistently irregular—my gyno says I shouldn't worry about it, but it's frustrating to deal with. What options do I have to regulate it?  

If you want to regulate your cycle without hormonal medication, you first have to know what's causing the irregularity. While irregularity can be caused by a myriad of factors (including STDs, pregnancy and eating disorders), the most likely causes are stress, a crazy diet, or exercise. Try adopting a consistent (and healthy) diet and exercise plan and reducing your stress levels before turning to other options. If these don't do the trick, Jackson-Moore says you can talk to your gynecologist about possible medical solutions such as Lysteda, a non-hormonal medication to treat a heavy flow. "Taking non-steroidals like ibuprofen during the cycle does lessen the flow," says Jackson-Moore.  
 

I don't want to use tampons, but pads are uncomfortable sometimes and can be difficult to wear in all situations. What are my other options? 

Unfortunately, there aren't a ton of options out there for dealing with your period. If pads irritate your skin and tampons just aren't your thing, a menstrual cup (such as the Diva Cup or the Mooncup) could be a better option. A menstrual cup is a reusable, bell-shaped cup that you manually insert into your vagina to collect menstrual blood (instead of absorbing it like a pad or a tampon). They come in both rubber and latex-free options, and while they're less common than pads or tampons, many women find them to be a perfect solution. "I have some patients who use it, and they love it," says Jackson-Moore.  
 

How heavy of a flow is too heavy?  

This can be a tricky question to answer. "A lot of times we overestimate and underestimate the amount of bleeding we have," says Jackson-Moore. But if you're not sure if your flow is something to be concerned about or just heavy, there are a few signs to look for. "If you're passing blood clots that are very good size, or if you're bleeding longer than seven days, that is probably a tip-off that you're bleeding too heavily," says Jackson-Moore.  

Sources:

Lisa Jackson-Moore, M.D., an OBGYN working in North Carolina

http://women.webmd.com/menstrual-blood-problems-clots-color-and-thickness

http://www.tampax.co.uk/toxic-shock-syndrome.php

http://www.epigee.org/menstruation/irregularperiods.html

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/toxic-shock-syndrome/DS00221

http://www.lysteda.com/

http://www.divacup.com/

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Your Most Embarrassing Period Questions: Answered! - Part 1

Do you remember when you first got your period? We certainly do.  

No matter how well your mom or those illustrated health books prepared you, back then, periods were a weird and scary phenomenon. Of course, at this point in our lives, we're a little more used to the whole idea. But even though by now some of us have had our periods for almost 10 years (hard to imagine it's been that long), that time of the month can still leave us with lots of questions. It's often hard to know what's normal (and what's not)…and frankly, these aren't questions that you feel comfortable casually bringing up while out for drinks with friends.   

Well, don't worry. Her Campus is here to help! We asked college women across the country for their weirdest, most embarrassing questions about their periods so that we could find the answers. Remember, if you have any serious concerns about your menstrual cycle, only your doctor can give you the answers you need. But in the meantime, we did some research and talked to Lisa Jackson-Moore, M.D., an OBGYN working in North Carolina.   
 

Can you really get Toxic Shock Syndrome from leaving a tampon in too long? 

We've all read the warning signs on the back of every box of tampons, but Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS), a potentially deadly bacterial infection, can seem more like a myth than a real concern.  

Approximately one-half of TSS cases occur in women and girls during their menstruation, and this menstrual TSS is associated with tampon use. According to MayoClinic.com, scientists are still unsure about how tampons cause TSS – although some believe tampons can scratch the surface of the uterus, making it easier for bacteria to enter the bloodstream.   

But if you wear tampons regularly, are you at a high risk? "It's possible, but it's pretty rare," says Jackson-Moore. Even if you do accidentally leave a tampon in for longer than eight hours, that doesn't mean you'll get TSS. It's a good idea to be aware of the major symptoms (sudden fever, vomiting, and diarrhea are big ones), but if you're changing your tampons regularly, there's no need to be concerned.  
 

I'm on the pill and my period is abnormal—should I be worried? 

"Not necessarily," says Jackson-Moore. "If you're having breakthrough bleeding, make sure that you're not skipping any pills." But what if you're taking your pills exactly as you should? There is a possibility that something could be wrong—irregular bleeding could be a sign of pregnancy, an STI (particularly Chlamydia) or other infections—so if you think any of those are likely, you might want to check with your doctor. If that's not the case, you might just be on a pill that doesn't mesh well with your body. "Sometimes the first pill you try isn't necessarily going to work," says Jackson-Moore. "Sometimes you have to experiment with different kinds of pills to find the pill that works best for you."  Make an appointment with your gyno to talk about switching pills if it's really bothering you.
 

Should I be concerned about blood clots?  

If you have a heavy flow, a small blood clot from time to time isn't necessarily a problem—when you're bleeding heavily, anticoagulants (which break down the lining of the uterus) don't have time to work fully before the blood leaves your body, causing clots. But with that in mind, Jackson-Moore says that if you are passing good-sized blood clots (think larger than a quarter), then you might want to check with your doctor. "The fact that you're forming blood clots means that you're bleeding heavier than you should," she says.  
 

Is it safe/weird to have sex during your period? 

When it comes to sex during your period, many people have strong opinions—and many people also have misconceptions. "When we first started dating, my ex-boyfriend thought that sex during my period would hurt me," says Kaitlyn, a junior at the University of Connecticut. But is it harmful? Not really. There's nothing fundamentally wrong or dangerous about sex during your period—although it is extra important to make sure to use a condom. "There could be a slightly increased risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection when intercourse occurs during the cycle," says Jackson-Moore. "There also could be a slightly higher risk of developing yeast and bacterial infections, too."  

In fact, some women even say their elevated hormones make sex more enjoyable during that time of the month. So if you've been wanting to give it a try, go for it – but be sure to use proper protection. (And be warned, it can be messy—try placing an old towel or sheet over the bed beforehand to avoid ruining your sheets.)  
 

I throw up every time I have my period; should I be concerned? 

No two periods are alike. You might be the girl who occasionally notices some slight cramping, or you might be the girl who spends those first few miserable days curled up in bed with a heating pad. Neither of these necessarily means there's something wrong with you. "There are some women who really do suffer from PMS, and nausea and vomiting can be a sign of that," says Jackson-Moore. But if you do experience really strong PMS symptoms that are interfering with your life, your gynecologist can talk to you about ways to manage them. 

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Her Gay Best Friend: Don't Get Fresh(men) -- Thinking Twice Before Robbing That Cradle

Returning to campus after a summer at home can bring with it a variety of pleasures you hadn't really expected: the joys of coming back to a place where people are still awake at 2 in the morning; the comfort of seeing the campus where you've made (and forgotten) so many memories; the validation of everyone knowing exactly which Youtube video you're talking about and repeating the one-liners at various points throughout the conversation.

But whether you've got a desert in your mouth or a fork in the garbage disposal, there's always one other thing you can look forward to every fall -- a fresh batch of freshmen goodies. And while you may be enticed by the piping hot buns within an arm's reach, it's probably best if you stick with the advice your parents always gave you concerning things that just came out of the oven.

"Wait a few minutes before you put it in your mouth."

(Sorry. I didn't mean for it to be quite that vulgar. I just really enjoy metaphors and parallelism.)

Now, far be it from me to place boundaries on your romantic life. I know as well as anyone that love knows no race, religion, gender, class, or (to an extent) age. But before you indulge in your Bieber Fever and start browsing the selection of teenage morsels, just take a moment to think about what you're getting yourself into.

A starring role in a Greek tragedy 

The new class of fresh-MEN is straight out of high school, where they were used to lunch periods, report cards, and, of course, the guidance of their loving mommies. But now mommy dearest is nowhere to be found! And being in a new environment without any strong female authority figure to look to for advice and support might be a little more than a beefcake can handle.

Enter you -- an older woman who knows her way around campus, can answer important life questions, and was around for both the elder and younger Bush administrations. You may not look that much older than him. He may be very tall for his age. But if you pounce on a boy when he's looking to fill that maternal void in his life, you're really just setting yourself up to play mommy in this twisted romance.

And you should know better than to get involved with a mother f**ker.

A Friday night spent babysitting

For all of the ladies lucky enough to be born in the decade of hair metal, sideways ponytails, and high school movies with dramatic, synth-heavy soundtracks, you have a special privilege coveted by all of those in the freshman class -- a right that, as the Beastie Boys so eloquently put it, you gotta fight for.

The right to PARTY. 

Of course I don't mean "party" in the third grade sense of the word, as in, "Would you like to come to my party? My mom got us a Barbie cake," but rather in the college sense of the word, as in, "I partied a little too hard last night, and I can't remember whose shoes I'm wearing."

And there is the caveat in your pursuit of a first-year man to woo. Forget about the years, experience, and social status that separates you; the federal government is keeping you apart. When your friends want to get drinks at the bar, your little man can't come. When you want to go out to the club, you have to wait until an 18+ night comes around. And if you give him a sip of your wine at dinner, you might just find yourself being booked for supplying to the underage.

Well a number of great individuals have gone to jail for their beliefs. It's not your fault that you just happen to believe in fine, young booty.

Becoming the standard 

I once had a friend -- we'll call her A -- who decided to creep on a freshman during the first month of her junior year. She was thrilled with how easily it all went. He was from a small town and wasn't used to girls as bold as she was. He had recently grown into his looks, and wasn't yet aware of just how attractive he had become. And, on top of everything, he still had a high school libido, and could hardly contain the stirrings down below when she casually stroked his arm and complimented his hair.

Long story short, they banged. According to A, it was a lovely affair -- their lips matched just right when they kissed, and he didn't tire easily like all of the seniors she'd had flings with. But then those dreaded words left his mouth, and all of the air left her lungs.

"I can't believe I just had sex for the first time!"

He had the kiss of a Don Juan. He had the moves of a personal massage device. Yet he had the sexual experience of a Teletubby. And A would forever be the girl that brought him to the dark side, the Mrs. Robinson that ushered him into the adult world and to whom all future girls would be compared. And that was not a role that A was comfortable with. 

So while you may salivate over their bulging young muscles and wide-eyed innocence, take a minute before you allow yourself to go there. Because freshman year is a time for them to adapt to a new phase of their lives. It's a time for them to have space so they can grow into the men they will become. And when you interfere in that process, you ensure that that growth will be stunted and a generation of emotionally immature young men will go forth in the world. So please. Restrain yourself.

And if that doesn't work, at least wait until October. You can dress up as a freshman for Halloween to make it seem less gross.

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