"I'm Just Not Feeling It." - How Not To Turn Guys Off

You run through your dorm room door eagerly, ready to tell your BFF about your new crush: his dreamy eyes, the way his muscles look when he lifts weights at the gym, his killer smile.
 
You get to know him soon after and sparks fly. But then something happens: He appears to have lost interest. If only you'd known this would bug him…then maybe you could have avoided it! But have no fear—Her Campus has identified some of the most common reasons guys get turned off so you can keep these tidbits in the back of your mind next time.
 

Too bad this isn't your campus crush
 
When a guy loses interest, just like the girls in He's Just Not That Into You, we make excuses.
 
You and your girls come up with a list of reasons explaining his behavior, such as…

• Maybe he felt sick and got distracted
• Maybe his girlfriend caught him talking to you and he had to abort the convo
• Maybe aliens abducted his brain and he sloooowly became less and less interested.

 
No one likes to say you did something to instantly turn him off. So Her Campus consulted with a team of real college guys to figure out some reasons that could make your flame go up in flames.
 
During the initial meeting…

• "Any sort of 'trashy behavior.' For example, I don't see how any being on this planet would want to have even the most fleeting relationship with Snooki" – Jeff, 21
• "A girl who gets wasted and it shows is so unattractive to me." – Danny, 18
• "We're talking…so if I could have your full attention it would be appreciated, i.e., put down your cell phone and walk away from all your friends if you're really interested." – Aaron, 22.
   

When having a real conversation…(not screaming at each other over Ke$ha's latest song)

• "Every girl says they want 'a guy with a good sense of humor.' After looks (obviously) we look for this too. If you don't have a good sense of humor, humor me and laugh it won't work."  - Aaron, 22
• "If you are insecure with yourself, you are likely to be very annoying. The catch-22 here is that usually the most attractive girls are the most insecure. But if you are insecure and incessantly bring up your insecurities you will drive away any guy that is not completely insecure with himself." – Chris, 19
• "If you start texting while I'm talking to you I get infuriated. Not interested." – Jon, 22
• "If she can't hold a conversation I have no reason to stick around. Or if I catch her in a lie. And if she is too cocky." – Matt, 23
• "I've met girls who absolutely need to have the attention on them. It's incredibly annoying. As are proof of ridiculous mood swings from off the bat."  - Ryan, 21

On a Date…

• "Sometimes something just comes over me and my brain says 'let's do it! Let's go!' do some sort of activity. I don't want to hear an excuse or wait three hours for you to get ready. Just take a chill pill and go with the flow instead of pre-planning everything. Lack of spontaneity is no good." – Jeff, 21
• "I don't really care what you order when we go out to dinner as long as you eat it…and don't complain about calories and how fat you are. Why would you think it's a good idea to draw attention to that?" – Carlos, 23
• "Some girls just aren't fun. They make everything serious and it makes me rethink the date. Just enjoy the night, don't be getting ahead of yourself and being too serious." – Ben, 20

In a Group…

• "When a girl is super clingy or high maintenance I am immediately turned off." – Ben, 20

 
When You're Not Together…

• "Hearing about a girl's not-so-pretty reputation in terms of alcohol, drugs, or promiscuity can pretty much seal the deal that she's never going to be my girlfriend." – Jason, 24
• "Constantly texting me and initiating the conversation. Hello, I want a little bit of a chase." – Chris, 19

Some guys find Snooki's style to be a turn-off, but others don't. Hard to predict a guy's preferences. Annoying!
 
Obviously these aren't the end-all and be-all of make-or-breaks for guys. For some, it could be more silly and specific things (such as: "if she's lactose intolerant and we can't enjoy cheese together what's the point?" one friend of mine joked) and some may not be bothered by your high maintenance behavior. But these are just a sampling of reasons why he lost interest — whether it be after you first met, after a few hookups, or even on a date!
 
And if it makes you feel any better, think of all the reasons why you've lost interest in guys in the past. Like maybe he was too sweaty, he had an infuriatingly annoying laugh, he was stingy, he was a clinger, he can't spell, he always smells like peanut butter. These reasons sound ridiculous, right? But if you think about it, you'll remember some sort of ridiculous reason you lost interest in some guy too.
 
Dr. Fayr Barkley, a human behavior expert, explained this phenomenon.
 
"We all have our own preferences, preconceived notions about people, life and things and our own quirks. A woman can think a guy is great looking and be attracted to him on a physical level, then witness one geeky thing about him and it is a complete turnoff."
 
"Reminds me of the episode of Entourage where Turtle is being chatted up by a pretty, young girl at a swimming pool," Dr. Barkley said. "He won't even have eye contact with her until she tells him she is over 18 and not jail bait. Then he gets a smile on his face and turns toward her to hit her up. She is then totally turned off to him. 'Ewww,' she says, 'Creepy turn.' She was grossed out by the creepy look on his face and how he turned toward her direction. She walked off. We can all remember a situation where we idealized someone who did not match up to our fantasy expectations and got creeped out or turned off by them."
 

 …Or maybe it was Turtle's height that was a major turn-off.
 
In terms of guys not being into girls, it can be an instantaneous, unconscious decision, she explained.
 
"There may just be 'something about her' that he can't put his finger on," Dr. Barkley explained.
 
Unfortunately, many women don't want to accept the unexplainable.
 
"Women make themselves crazy trying to figure out what they can/need to do to win the guy over," Dr. Barkley explained of a sentiment many can relate to. "They change their hair, dress differently, give up school or social activities, hang out where the guy hangs out, pump the guy's friends for information about him. They give up who they are in order to try to be what they think he wants them to be so he will change his mind."
 

Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride couldn't make up her mind about her own preferences, so she continually adopted the preferences of the men she thought she wanted to be with. Didn't work.
 
But this isnot a successful way to win someone's attention and affection in the long run.
 
"Ladies, have you ever had a guy who wanted to gain your attention/approval and he altered himself or his behavior to do it? Did it work? Or was your mind pretty made up and you just 'knew' he was not the guy for you?," asked Dr. Barkley. "You may even have thought his behavior was creepy, annoying, stalking, or pathetic. Guess what? Guys will see you this way, too."
 
Overall, Dr. Barkley summed up how to handle his inexplicable disinterest best:
 
"If he is just not that into you, then he is just not that into you. The reason can be anything and everything and the reason does not have to be rational or make sense to you…. Ladies, a man once said to me, 'Men are like buses. One comes along every 15 minutes.' If he's just not that into you, then NEXT. Find a man who is. Don't try to make someone care about you when they don't."
 
Sources:
Dr. Fayr Barkley, Human Behavior Expert
College men